How the hell does the WB stay in business? It seems like what it does is it waits for other stations to come up with ideas for shows, then when their shows are over it makes cheap knockoffs. Take, for example, the WB show that's like American Idol. Let me research and see if I can find the name of it... Ah. The WB's Superstar USA. Right. So I watched the end of one of the episodes of that show because what I was watching was on commercials. I also watched the last episode of American Idol because I was trapped with my grandparents and had no other choice. American Idol, while I don't condone it at all, is at least a classy show. The people on it are attractive (hey, if you're going to be a pop star, that's all you need, honestly). The people on this WB show are... well, they're people who you'd imagine watching the WB. Kind of the cream of the crop of trailer trash. Not like the one toothed lady with a beer can in hand yelling at her twelve kids to stop playing in the trashcan, but like her weirdly hot daughter who you can still tell is white trash. And then they came out with this OC knockoff called like Summerland or something starring Lori Laughlin. And they promote it like she's not best known for being Uncle Jessie's girlfriend on Full House. I've never watched either of those shows, I just think it's odd that the WB shamelessly rips off these other trashy shows and makes them even worse. I did, however, like their Married With Children knockoff Unhappily Ever After. I think it had something to do with the puppet that lived in the basement, and Nikki Cox's breasts.

Yeah, I use commas too much, what, are, you going to do, about, it? See, when you read that last sentence it took like ten minutes because you kept pausing. I have that kind of power over you.

I started writing a new episode of our TV show today. It's not very good. But it's not very bad. It's medioCORE. Or like xmedioxcorex or something, whatever the punk kids do.

So Leslie should be coming out here July 17-20. Hooray. Your prayers were received by God and he said "it is good." And on the seventh day he rested. I went to church with Dad the other day. Yesterday maybe. I couldn't escape the feeling that I was peeking in on some secret cult meeting that I had no place observing. I liked the handshakes, everyone seemed very friendly. Plus the big room, while kind of creepy, was not very hot. I did not like... everything else. The clothes were pretty cool, and the deacon's bible was pretty impressive looking. But the songs were definitely not rockin, nor was the standing, sitting, standing, kneeling, standing, sitting. Nor was the listening. But now when I write anti-Christian diatribes, I can use personal experience. It wasn't that bad, they didn't kill any non-Christians, but it's definitely not something I'm looking to start doing on a regular basis. I was waiting for some kind of revelation, but instead I just ended up thinking "this raising the right hand is kind of Nazi-ish" and "Oh good, we're singing again."

I'm lonely. Nobody is here to talk to me right now. Brian is MIA, probably watching the West Wing or something. Leslie is... somewhere. Working, perhaps? No, she should be off. And home. Oh well. Pulley's rocking me out for now. It's either going to be Rancid or the split next. I could put on the Postal Service and dance, but my brother would complain. Meh. I'm out of stuff.

Well, this is unprecedented. I actually have an idea of what I want to talk about in this post. I know, I'm just as surprised as you are. But first, I'd just like to point out that I just gone done watching 3 hours of The West Wing. I picked up the second season on DVD two weeks ago, and it's one of the best 37 dollar purchases I've ever made. I urge you all to watch the first season, then get blown away at how good the second season is. Amazing show. Also: if you're reading this blog instead of checking the site for updates (I'm making a big assumption there, that people still care about the site), then you should go check out the 'ol homepage. I put up a new piece of writing, and hopefully you'll like it.

But, enough of that. Here's what I want to talk about: your local news. Now, I don't know what your local news is like (unless you live in the DC/Metro area), but the local news here sickens me. I have no tolerance for it whatsoever. It's scare tactic after scare tactic after scare tactic. I'm fed up. They promote stories that no one really wants to see, but is too afraid not to see. It's like what Chuck Palahniuk talked about in "Lullaby." And if you haven't read that book, go do it now. Anyway, this week, the big news story I remember hearing about dealt with sex offenders. "Over a hundred child sex offenders have been found living near your child's school. Details at 5." Something like that. And I laughed. When I heard that, I honestly laughed. Because I was pissed off that the news is trying to scare people just so they can get ratings. And also because people probably honestly believe that these whacked out sex offenders really do live near their child's school. Whatever happened to trusting your neighbor? Whatever happened to being nice to others? Whatever happened to having faith in other people? Now, I hate people just as much as the next guy (ok, probably more than the next guy, but still), but I don't believe that people are inherently bad. When I meet someone for the first time, I'm not on my guard, thinking, "Hey, how is this person going to try fuck up my life?" But the local news is just fueling our fears. It's like gossip in high school. You release the story, and it goes wild. Next thing you know, everyone's suspicious of someone else all because they heard from a friend who heard from a friend who heard from a friend... Stop trying to scare us! But, let's not forget the very real, and very scary threat of a terrorist attack... Well, no shit! The whole world hates us, why would that be so totally unexpected? And it's not like the news is actually providing us with concrete information. Heaven forbid they should have decent enough intelligence to give us specifics. Here's what Adam had to say: "They have no information. The news goes 'They've heard from multiple sources that a terrorist threat is possible, but they have no clues as to the time, method, place, who's going to do it, etc.' That's not a fucking terrorist threat. That's like me saying I've heard from three people that the world is going to end soon, but none of them know why or how or how to prevent it, but we should all be scared and patriotic and watch out for fucking middle easterners." Well put, Adam. But, the news story that takes the cake is the bad weather we've been having here. The past few days we've had severe thunderstorms. You know what they've started using in the ads for the local news? "Violent storms in the DC area? More at 5." Violent?! Is there not a single story on the news that's NOT violent? Hell, there's sports stories about athletes who have acted in, you guessed it, violent ways. The top news stories are chalk full of violence. And now the weather? Violent storms... Bullshit. This is Washington, DC. There have to be hundreds of charitable establishments around this area, how come we can't hear about the number of lives the Red Cross saved today? How, thanks to some donation, a food shelter will be able to provide nourishment for people starving on the streets. How there have been amazing developments in the search for the cure for AIDS or cancer. But no, all I can hear about is how my neighbor is a sex offender and how we may, at some point, we don't know when or where or how, be attacked by the terrorist. So, do what I do. Just turn it off.

But that's just my two cents. Well, I talked about what I wanted to talk about, I guess I'm done for now. Read my new writing on the site (don't worry, it's not all serious like this rant was), and watch the West Wing. Have a good day, everyone.

So you may have noticed that the updates here aren't coming fast and furious. That's because it's summertime and I have better things to do than update this. Wait, no that's not it. It's because nothing has happened recently. I've been playing a good amount of tennis (the time before today I was rockin', today I was teh suxorz) and lifting weights. I've been waiting around for a job to call me. But no luck. So tomorrow starts round 2. I guess I'll go back to Staples to ask what's up, then head to Home Depot since it's right across the way, then to Lowe's since it's right across the way again. And maybe, depending on my mood, I'll go to the grocery store since I hear they're hiring stock people to work at night. And... a couple restaurants, Taco Mac (that name bugs me, and apparently it's not just a Taco Bell ripoff) and O'Charlie's (why would I want to work at a place named after the Irish version of my roommmate?). And that'll be round 2. And none of them will work out either. And I'll be jobless all summer, and my mom will keep calling me every day and telling me I should get a job and everyone should want to hire me because I'm a good looking, smart young man (mom's words, definitely not mine). And then I'll probably die destitute under a park bench, a sad, lonely alcoholic. Something like that.

I've gotten a ton of CDs recently. The Joey Cape/Tony Sly split is growing on me. Joey Cape is a musical genius. His new song Violet is amazing. The Mountain Goats have a solid release in We Shall all be Healed. Rancid's Life Won't Wait was hard to get into but I am loving it right now. Sleep Station's new album After the War is a damn fine piece of work, and if there were any justice in this world this would be the album to break them out of obscurity. Those are the CDs in heavy rotation here, there's a bunch more that get listens every so often. But I can't think of them.

You know what I like to drink? Whiskey. I mean water. Water is good. It keeps me alive. Especially when I have been sweating all day. I want to give water a hug.

Got done shaving just now, that led to two observations. One, I think my facial hair is growing at an odd pace right now. Maybe it's the altitude change or the humidity. I shave anywhere from one day after I last shaved, to one and a half days, to two days. I don't get it. I do know that I haven't cut myself shaving since I've been out here. I either figured it out or it's easier to shave closer to sea level with more water in the air. I forgot to bring my beard trimmer which I use to bring me back down to an easily shaveable level of facial hair after I "forget" to shave for like six days, so I have to keep on top of shaving while I'm out here.

Also, I have a massive sunburn on my shoulders. Not life ending like the ones I get at Warped every year, but bad enough to burn. I've got some interesting tan lines here. My face is pretty nicely tanned. My neck is pale. My shoulders are red. My forearms are slightly tan. My stomach is blindingly white. I'm kind of like a rainbow of various shades of white, red and brown.

Am I the only one who learned to put commas between every item in a list? I learned that it should be white, red, and brown. But then I moved to Colorado and the teachers were like "what are you, mildly retarded? do you have brain damage? dropped on your head once or twice as a kid? you like pissing us off? why do you put that last comma in there?" They said to do it like at the end of my last paragraph. I don't like that. It's incomplete, it needs another comma. Who's the english major here? Me. Unless you're Brian. Or someone I don't know. All I know is... uh... I don't know anything, it turns out.

Wish me luck in getting Leslie out here and in getting a job. Does that phrase "wish me luck" bother anyone? It's like hey buddy, I'll wish you luck if I feel like it, don't tell me what to do. And does anyone wishing you luck after you tell them to actually make you feel good? It's like holding some guy at gunpoint and telling him "hey, tell me I'm cool or I'll shoot you in the face." So the guy tells you you're cool, but he didn't mean it, he just didn't want to get shot in the face. People who tell you good luck after you say wish me luck are just doing the same thing, basically. They just don't want to sound rude by being like "Fuck that, you ain't getting any luck from me." So wish me luck. If you want to. Otherwise don't, I don't care. Good luck, me.

Yay for Brian's return for that last entry. He brought back the entertainment and humor that my posts have been so lacking. It's just too easy to write about life. You delude yourself into thinking that someone cares about what you're doing and bam, next thing you know you're at some kind of blogging convention talking about comment software and... whatever blog people talk about, I don't know. Blogging's kind of like writing country songs, you bitch for a while and publish it. If it had twangy music in the background we'd all be getting rich selling music to hicks and kids who want to be hicks.

I went to Best Buy today again looking for the Cape/Sly split, and I actually encountered a helpful employee. I know, I was shocked too. I actually looked around for hidden cameras, half expecting Satan to walk up to me holding a contract. I didn't know whether to look for Cape, Joey, Sly, Tony, Lagwagon, No Use, or what, so I did a little scan of all my major choices and then went and asked this kid, and he looked it up on the computer and it said they had it in store. So he took me back to all the places I'd already looked because apparently I'm a moron who doesn't understand the complex concept of alphabetical order and he couldn't find it either. So he said they must not have it because everything they have is on the shelves. I stick around to perform a more thorough search for a minute and he walks up and goes "I found it" and hands it to me. Apparently it was "in a pile that hadn't been shelved yet." So apparently everything in the store isn't on the shelves, eh, mister I Work at Best Buy so I Know Everything? Whatever, he did find it and he did give it to me and it is pretty rockin, so overall I have to nominate him for Best Best Best Best Best... Buy Employee ever. Because usually you're like "Hey man, can you see if you have this cd?" and they look at you and go "Yes." So they stand there and you go "Well would you mind looking it up?" And they go "Yes." So you stare at them and then wander off. Customer service is fun.

I tried to make a left turn out of Best Buy but there was a little traffic. I was willing to wait it out but I caught a glimpse of the guy behind me and he was subtly (read: not subtly) pointing right. So I thought about just sitting there for a long time wanting to turn left, but then I realized I had stuff to do so I turned right and then turned around. The guy gave me one of these (imagine me doing that three finger okay sign). He may have been a jackass, but at least he was nice about it.

I am really bald. Jesus. I don't like looking in the mirror when I get my hair cut because it reminds me how bald I am. More bald than last time, I'll tell you that much. However, the lady cutting my hair asked my age for some reason (I think it has something to do with being bald) and guessed my 20's, and I said yeah, I'm 20, and asked why, and she said "You just look real young, I was going to say teens but I didn't want to offend you." I don't believe I've ever been called young looking before. Most people tell me I look like I'm 30. At least when I had the beard they did. Who knows now that I'm baby smooth. Anyway, that Nioxin stuff mom bought me is apparently not doing anything because I am bald as shit. And next time you see shit look at it. No hair on there. I'm that bald.

My dad said that now that Leslie reads this every so often I'll have to be less detailed. I don't remember being very detailed, but I have since scrapped my plans of describing in detail every last nuance of my sex life. Or lack thereof. The problem with not knowing who all is reading this is I don't know who I'll offend. The solution is not caring who I offend. Problem solved. If you have any problems you need solved, I can be hired for a nominal fee, whatever that means. I'm also available for birthdays, bar and bat mitzvas, and especially funerals.

Well, let's all give Adam a big round of applause for giving this blog a complete make-over. It looks great. You could say he "Queer-eyed" it, but I wouldn't say that to his face unless you'd like a punch in the stomach. Anyway, due to the revamped look, we finally realized we had profiles that we had never filled out. So we got around to updating those. Go read them and learn lots and lots and lots of interesting stuff about us, then feel free to get in contact with us and say, "Hey, I didn't know you guys were such big losers." And if you read my profile, then you can have enlightening discussions with your friends that might go like this:

Your friend: You're the only person whose favorite book is Boogers for Dummies.
You: Hell yes, Boogers for Dummies has been incredibly helpful.
Your friend: I bet it has. I've been meaning to pick that up, I've had some questions about boogers for a while.
You: You should totally read it, then. The most influential book of my life, really.
Your friend: This conversation about the book "Boogers for Dummies" has been brought to you by [names have been omitted to protect the losers]. Constantly enlightening stupid people for 20 years. I bet this is the first time anyone's had an extended conversation about Boogers for Dummies in the history of the universe.
You: Pretty much, yeah. Don't you feel special? And all because we're talking about the national best-seller, Boogers for Dummies.

See? You could be having that kind of fun right now! Right now, I say! And when I use exclamation points, it makes it look like I'm trying to sell you something ridiculously expensive, but only sort of kind of works!

So I never took Calculus in high school, and I won't take it in college. Know why? Because I know for a fact that it will never, ever prove useful in everyday life. Simple as that. So take that, fools who took it in high school and got college credit after taking the AP exam... Wait...

School. Now there's a subject just oozing with excitement. Which is why I'm not going to talk about it here, since this post is supposed to be entertaining. Yet, I have no concept of the definition of "entertaining," so that's why my posts generally lack "interest" and "excitement."

Here's what I think. And this is just me, so feel free to disagree. The presidential election coming up in the fall is going to be one of the most important elections that our generation will probably ever have. So, to ensure that everything's fair and all, I say we re-institute a mandatory test that everyone must take to vote. Now, this isn't an intelligence test, and it's not going to prevent any sort of racial minority from voting, either. This test is basically an "are you human?" test. It'll ensure that you have at least some compassion for other human beings, that you comprehend the fact that religious doctrines and historical documents that were written centuries ago cannot still be followed out word for word, but must be amended to meet the needs of an ever changing world, and that you clearly understand that interfering with other people's lifestyle choices merely because you don't like them is wrong. So, now that all the Republicans can't vote, I think we'll be good. Now, Kerry's not going to change everything, I understand that. But at least it'll be a step in the right direction. Unlike the massive set-back known as Bush getting re-elected.

But hey, this post was supposed to be entertaining, right? That's why I'm here to say that Boogers for Dummies has easily been the most influential book of my life, really. Pick up a copy. You won't be disappointed.

Oh yeah. Look at this. Sexy sexy. I went and looked at Cam's blog because he commented on mine and damn if it wasn't one sweet looking piece of work. So I was like hey man, I'm not going to let that Oregonian bastard outdo me, I'm going to make mine look all fancy too. So now this one's all fancy. It took a while to get everything right. For example, I was an idiot and forgot to copy the comment scripts before I deleted the old format, so I had to go find that. But you'll notice that now the comments are conveniently placed at the top of the entries instead of the bottom. Why is that convenient, you ask, when you're much more likely to want to comment at the end after you've read it as opposed to at the beginning when you have to scroll back up? I don't know, it looks better. Shut up, I was proud of myself. Also you'll notice my HTML genius at work in the sidebar because I created the "websitey goodness" and "friends" parts over there from scratch. Or I copied the HTML and edited it a bit. But we'll say I did it from scratch. Let me know what you think of the new look, not like I had any part in making it or anything. The last one was nice and simple but this one is nice and colorful. Sometimes you have to give up simplicity for colorfulnessitude.

Not much new since yesterday. Leslie was going through a hard time, a bunch of crap happened all at once. It sucks how that works. You're just driving along the road of life with no worries, and then instead of like a pebble bouncing up and hitting your windshield and bouncing off, a boulder falls on your car pinning you inside and causing a fifteen car pileup. Right. What that meant was that when stuff starts to go wrong it comes fast and hard. So I stayed up talking on the phone to her until 3 trying to take her mind off her troubles. Don't think it worked, but I think I helped some.

Today I turned in my applications and went to Best Buy and to no surprise they didn't have the CD I wanted. I have a feeling this will have to be a mailorder thing. I don't know where else to buy music out here since Media Play closed. I can't believe Media Play closed. It was kind of like Best Buy's retarded but much more friendly little brother. It was basically the same kind of store, but it had toys and comics and books and stuff. And it had a better underground selection than Best Buy. Plus it didn't have that same soul-sucking feeling that Best Buy has. That and Walmart, you walk inside and you can just feel the devil clawing at your soul, sucking the life right out of you. I don't know where any independent record stores are around here either. I figure there must be some since every time I go to the used store they have a lot of good punk stuff, and for these people to be selling these CDs they have to have bought them somewhere. And they sure as hell didn't buy them at Best Buy. So if I knew how to look for one I would. Because this Joey Cape/Tony Sly split is pretty much destined to be the best album of the year, unless that Against Me!/Lucero split comes out this year. That'll give it a run for its money.

Now I am going to go play videogames. I'm thinking I'll try for a minute to beat that crap level in Sonic, then maybe go over to BMX, and then when they've both successfully pissed me off I'll go get pissed at Metal Gear and then call it a day. I hope I get a job. Tomorrow I'll go back to Staples and ask again. The manager's name there is Malon. That's not of interest, that's just so I can remember who to ask for when I go in, because I forgot until it just popped into my head just now. Until we meet again, enjoy the new layout!

My three blogging friends aren't updating their blogs. What the hell. How am I supposed to keep up with all the exciting developments in their lives? Oh, right... there are no exciting developments in their lives. I'll write their blogs for them. Cam is like "Yo, I is at home in Oregon not eating salad dressing and it's raining and I sit around playing videogames and hopefully I get a job soon." Eric's like "I'm in Conifer doing construction and getting paid under the table. I have lots of random thoughts and I am tall." Then Charlie'd be like "I'm sitting at home. Ryan and David are home so Ryan has to do that keg stand or buy us lots of beer. I am working early in the morning and partying every night." There. Now there's me and I'm like "I'm in Georgia and I'm sitting around, but I'm also exercising and trying to get in shape, and I'm looking for a job and I have glasses and a nose."

So I'm in Georgia now. The goals for this summer are twofold. One, a job. I went looking today but the only thing that really got accomplished was I bought some CDs. I got Rancid's "Life Won't Wait" and "..and Out Come the Wolves" (which I had already but I sold to my brother for 10 bucks, then I bought again today because it's awesome, for 7 bucks. I should be a stockbroker). Then I got a Fabulous Disaster CD "Put Out or Get Out", NOFX's "So Long and Thanks for All the Shoes" (which I already have a burned copy of, but since it was cheap used I bought the real thing), and most exciting for me, and most jealousy inducing for Brian, I got a Co-Ed Pollen split with 6 songs by each band, and it's pretty awesome. On the job front, I first went to Borders and picked up an application, then I went to Blockbuster and spent like 30 minutes filling out an electronic application there, then I went to the CD store who told me they're not hiring, then I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up an application, then I went to GameStop who said their "staff" was "full" and something about a new manager coming in that I missed the point of, then I saw a Staples sign and went there and that sounds promising, but the application software was down so I have to go back in the next couple days. That's the one that sounds the most promising. I also called this placement place that's supposed to call back if anything comes up. Tomorrow I guess I'll go turn in my applications to the book stores and maybe drive around the other side of town to see if anything interesting is over there. I also might go see if the other CD store is hiring (it's not). So that's that.

I weigh 170 pounds. I haven't weighed that little in forever. I don't know what happened, I haven't been dieting that much or exercising that hard. But last summer I weighed about 200 pounds, so somewhere in there something happened. Maybe my metabolism is picking up from all the jalapenos I eat at work. The second goal for the summer, which is basically my dad's doing, is to get in shape. He wants to get in shape and I wouldn't mind, so we're going to try to do that together. We lifted weights and played tennis yesterday, with my shirt off which scared away everyone within five miles from the flab and the blinding whiteness. But I guess you have to do that to tan. Tanning's not on my list of priorities, but again, I guess it wouldn't hurt (but cancer does). I'm all sore today, we'll see how this weight lifting session works tonight. I definitely don't feel like I can do what I did yesterday, but maybe I can. Who knows. And to all of those who think "this girl must be making Adam want to be in shape" I'll have you know that I was doing the diet and situps and pushups before I met her. Sure, she's a nice incentive, but it's not the only reason.

Sonic Heroes is pissing me off because of these stupid casino levels. Charlie knows what I'm talking about. Brightly colored pinball tables. If I never see another one of them, I'll be fine with that. The bike game is hard as shit to control, but it's alright. I'm doing some crazy tricks now. Once every hundred tries I can even land one. And Metal Gear Solid is a lot harder than I remember, but it's still awesome. The redone cinema scenes are rockin, and the game is just amazing in the first place. Oh, and Resident Evil 4 will be the best game ever. The new Zelda game will be a million times better than that cartoony shit they did for the last game. And Donkey Konga... well, let's not speak of that. Gamecube is a good system for all the shit it takes for not having a billion games or the capability to play DVDs. Go Tigers!

I was laying in bed last night and got a phone call about 1 in the morning. I wasn't going to answer it but I figured only Leslie would be crazy enough to call at that time. Or something big was going down. So I answered it and Leslie was like "Since we don't work until tomorrow afternoon we should hang out." I was a little out of it so I was like "You want to hang out? When?" She said "Tonight." So of course I said yes, put some clothes on, and went downstairs to read until she got here. Eric came down to get some water and was like "What the hell are you doing?" and I said "Reading, what are you doing?" and he said "Getting some water." I apologized for the phone calls, since she's my friend, and Eric said "Girls make you do weird shit." Truer words have never been spoken. Amen, brother. Another night of little sleep that was well worth it.

Well, this is my last night here in Fort Collins for a while. It's kind of depressing. I do want to get out of here for a while, but now that this Leslie thing is going on pretty heavy I don't want to leave her for three months. Awww. So here, this is from my first entry in here:

"Here's the deal. The only people who are going to read this are me, so I really don't feel like discussing my problems in life, or my views on anything at this point. Say someday something really big happens in my life, maybe then I'll get all mushy, but until then, I'm going to use this to get exercise with my fingers by pushing buttons."

Something big happened in my life, so like I said, I can now get all mushy. If you don't mind, and even if you do, this entry will be somewhat meditative and "deep" (as in shallow).

It's funny (not ha ha) how things and people change. Thinking back to who I was a few years ago, last year, or even a couple months ago, I don't think I can relate to that person. I read old things I wrote and I'm like "wow... that's not how I feel." I guess it's just a natural part of life that as we go on we change. It's partly external, wanting to fit in with friends or just being influenced by them, and it's party internal, wanting to change because you're sick of yourself. I know for Brian and me the internal part comes into play often. The thing is, Leslie's caused me to think back and look at the past. She didn't do anything directly to do that, just by being there it happened. For a long time after Trista broke up with me I felt like there was no reason to keep trying. It's like, if I give that much of my life to someone and they throw me away, what value can I possibly have? It should have helped that I was going to college in a new place surrounded by new people, but it didn't. I tried the dating thing my freshman year up here and didn't get anything out of it. No one was interested in me. There was this girl Sarah who I thought was cool and funny but she turned out to be one of those girls that always give bad excuses on the phone. There was Jennifer who I thought showed interest in me, but turns out I'm just really bad at reading people. My piss poor self esteem from the breakup probably played a part in this. Feeling worthless as a human being, unlovable, without any redeeming qualities, is not a turn on apparently.
So I gave up. I watched Charlie and Cam get shot down time after time and decided that, you know what, fuck it, I don't need this shit. All the trouble us guys go to to even get a girl to be in the same room alone with us isn't worth the feeling of defeat when they bust out the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line. We have to work up the courage to go up to this person who may or may not have any idea who we are and try to win them over. And 99% of them probably think we're just trying to get in their pants. And I'll admit, there are a lot of guys (known in my mind as jackasses) who do only want to get in a girl's pants. But I know me, and I know Cam, and I know Charlie, and I'm fairly sure that we're not just after meaningless sex. I can say that for sure about myself anyway, never having indulged. So watching this trifle known as attempting to date I decided that I didn't need the rejection. My self esteem was low enough already.
Now I've done a lot of thinking and I did a lot of stupid shit in my relationship with Trista. I also think she did some unreasonable things. But for a long time after that ended I still felt like I had feelings for her. That's natural, I guess. Whatever feelings I had faded in time and now I feel absolutely nothing toward her. Is that natural or am I a cold hearted, soulless prick? Probably both. But I finally decided that I caused that to end as much as she did as much as the circumstances of the time did.
Enter this stupid website OKCupid.com. I took a personality test because I do that in my spare time and afterwards I could type in boxes about myself, so I did. Didn't get many responses from interested parties, only like 4 or 5, since I'm not good looking (Leslie, if you're reading this, you may think I am, but society says no. But I appreciate it). One of those was from this Addictedt2Bass girl. She just wrote a couple sentences like "Hey, you seem cool and not full of yourself." So I responded with some crap and told her to IM me. A few days passed and I didn't hear from her so I didn't think anything about it. Then while I was playing Morrowind she IMed me. We talked until 3 in the morning that night. We haven't done that since (well, recently we've been up until 3 in the morning, but whatever), but we did get to know each other and be friends. So since she lives not far away we decided to meet, and blah blah blah she's been up to the house three times in the past week and slept here two nights in a row. So here's the thing. Now that I've got a girl interested in me again I realize how dead the relationship with Trista was for a long time, and I realize how much I've changed. There's actually passion here, whereas I thought there was with Trista, but now I realize there wasn't. I feel wanted and liked, and I can't remember a time with Trista when I felt like this. In 18 months I never slept in the same bed as Trista. In two months, and really only a few weeks, I've slept in the same bed with Leslie twice. She kisses me, it's not always me kissing her. It's just nice to have someone who appreciates you, that's all. I don't feel worthless anymore. Not for now, anyway. I've got good friends, a loving family, a roof over my head, food to eat, I'm getting a (worthless) education, a car that works sometimes, and now I've got a girl who likes me. For always being such a cynical pessimist, I really do have it alright. It'd be nice if things were easier, such as this summer situation. But there's always something that could be better. Don't expect to ever hear me this optimistic again, but right now, though I'm sad about leaving, I feel genuinely good. So thanks everyone who's reading this, because more likely than not you mean something to me, I appreciate everything you guys and gals do for me (keeping me sane, going to concerts with me, etc). I'm sure I'll keep updating this over the summer. Maybe less frequently because things probably won't happen as often, but whatever. Expect me to be back to my mean, grumpy, cynical self next time. Oatmeal Creme Pies are good.

This figures. A girl finally likes me and I'm leaving for three months. The irony (or whatever the correct term is) is almost sickening. I seem to have a thing for older women. Could be because girls my age are sluts or boring or alcoholics or idiots or any number of bad adjectives. Trista was a whole 10 days older than me (whatever, it's older) and Leslie is 22 (why she's interested in a kid like me, I have no idea). I have a few things to say on the girl front, so if you're not interested, go ahead and skip down. So this is how things go down. Evan who I bitched about last time did call and say he could work for me. Of course he said he could work Tuesday, which is the day I actually didn't dread working. I thought about saying that he could suck it, but I said he could work for me since I figured it'd be nice to have a day off. Then I regretted it because I realized how boring it would be to have a day off. Then I remembered that there's this girl Leslie who I like and who likes me. And now let me back up (I'm bad at telling stories because I forget to give background info). So after Sunday's escapades I figured Leslie liked me but since I'm a clueless moron I didn't know how much. But then Monday she called me twice just to talk. Which I guess isn't that weird, but before Sunday she'd never done that. So... yeah. So maybe that's a sign of a relationship, maybe not, I don't know. Anyway, she calls on Monday to talk and I ask what she's doing on Tuesday since I now have the day off. And she says she's babysitting until 5 or so, so I say I can come down and hang out. Then I call on Tuesday to confirm, and she says I can go down or she can come up. Since she lives with little kids and parents I opted for her coming up here. So she got up here around 8:30 last night and left around 9 this morning. Right. She was basically falling asleep in my lap on the couch so I asked if she wanted to spend the night because I didn't want her driving home on no sleep. So she said yeah and I asked where she wanted to sleep and she said "close to you" (self esteem sent soaring consequently). So I suggested my bed, since the couch would be uncomfortable for two people to sleep on. This was the first time I've actually slept with anyone. Other than like my brother, and that's in a huge waterbed. So maybe it's easier to sleep with someone in bed with you if you've got something other than a twin sized bed. I got very little sleep. She had to get up at 8 to get to work, so that was one reason (I have no idea what time we actually settled down in bed), and also I never realized how hard it is to change sleeping positions. I sleep on my stomach with my hands up under my pillow usually. But we were sharing a pillow, and I had my arm around Leslie, so I wasn't free to sprawl out like usual. I'm not complaining really, I'm just saying if this becomes a regular thing I'm going to have to devise a plan to be able to sleep comfortably. In conclusion, the timing with this Leslie thing is awful which is just my luck, sleeping in the same bed with someone is difficult to get used to, and... I'm definitely enjoying this feeling of being wanted. This was sorely lacking in my last serious relationship.

Alright, to those of you who wisely avoided my talking about the girl situation, welcome back. I thought today would be a good day because I woke up with a half naked girl next to me, but (as is to be expected) things went downhill quick. After Leslie left I took a nap to try to regain some sleep (I don't take naps except days after Leslie's here, whatever that means) and then took a shower. So up until this point things were going fine. Then I got out of the shower and Charlie told me that bitch who always leaves early had called. I immediately knew she'd ask me to close and let her leave early tonight. I was right. I said yes because I was out of it. Since she took my schedule she was supposed to work from 3 to 7 or 8. She left around 6. Whore. There are few people who I can't find any redeeming qualities in, but that girl should just die. I really hate her. So already the day is going downhill. Then work was boring as shit because it was so slow. I felt like I was going to fall asleep because, again, I didn't get much sleep last night. Then I went out to walk to my car and I was like "Well this is really nice, it's cool and rainy." I was serious, I like rain. So I thought that and then it turned to snow. I don't like snow. Then I got to my car and my headlights aren't working again. So I turned the car off to attempt the infamous "restart it" trick. But it didn't start. I need to scrape off my fuses. So I sat there contemplating a murderous rampage, then opened the hood, decided I really didn't want to mess with my fuses in the parking lot in the dark in the snow, and tried one more time to start the car, and it started. Lights still didn't work so I drove home with my brights on. And that was my day. It started off at like a 12 on a scale to 10, then ended at like a 3. God likes to fuck with me.

I did get three new videogames recently. I traded a bunch of old ones in for Metal Gear Solid (way harder than I remember the original being), Dave Mirra 2 (way harder than Tony Hawk games) and Sonic Heroes (way different than any other Sonic game). I like them all, it'll be something to entertain myself with over the summer. Hopefully I can get a job in Georgia so I have something to do other than ponder the meaning of life. I just can't get over the bad timing with Leslie here. I don't like long distance relationships. Whatever. This is my life.

I'd like to formally apologize for turning this supposedly fun and entertaining journal into just updates on my life. But whatever.

If you read this, I'd like you to comment on it just so I know who reads this thing. You don't have to say anything, just leave your name, that'd be cool.

Finally, I'd like to wish my good friend Dave the best in the future. The bastard is graduating and moving to Texas in hopes of striking it rich mining coal. Or something completely different. Fact is Dave was the best damn RA on campus last year when we lived in the dorms, and he has continued to be a good friend of ours since we moved out. I don't know if I'll see you again before you go Dave, so good luck with all your future endeavors, we all wish you the best, and it's been a fun little run. Take it easy man. Come visit sometime, our house is your house. Not literally. Fin.

Woah, they changed the layout here. I may have to go and mess around with some stuff, since that's what I do in my spare time. Mess with stuff. Descriptive, I know. So there's a thing up there that says "Preview (ctrl+shift+p)." So I'm going to hit those three buttons and see if anyone dies. Woah, that was crazy. Basically all it did was take away the text box and make the font bigger. That's what I like to call completely useless. The old preview thing happened automatically when you finished writing, before you published, so you could read it over and make sure you didn't make any typos (you'll notice we don't take advantage of that feature). Huh. Well alright, this is offputting. I guess I'll just move on now.

So taking a final at 7AM is weak sauce. But taking a final at 7AM after going to bed around 3 is really weak sauce. Surprisingly enough I was coherent when I got up this morning, enough to make and eat cereal to attempt to give me a little energy, and then drive to and from campus without getting killed. Also, I think I did alright on my finals. I didn't know that many quotes on the Shakespeare one, but I did fine on the essay. And history it doesn't even matter how I did because I kicked ass so often early on in the class. I think I did solid, not great. But again, on 3 hours sleep the fact that I stayed awake is good enough for me. My mind sure was wandering a lot more than usual, though. Reading the questions required all of my concentration, as opposed to the portion of my concentration it usually takes.

So I know nobody cares, but I had another date with Leslie last night. It was just a sit at home and watch movies thing. She got up here at like 5:30 and left at about 2:45. How long is that... calculating... nine hours? Jesus. There's a lot of people I couldn't stand to hang out with for nine hours. My plan was to watch a couple movies and then go to bed around 10. The plan was also for Leslie to bring up these promised delicious burritos from some place in Greeley. But things don't always work out like planned. The burrito place was closed, apparently. Not a good start. So I made a sandwich. Then my grandparents called, and grandpa was like "Are you still staying at home every night? Don't you ever go out on dates?" So I said "Not really," even though I was technically on a date at the time. I just didn't want to hear any encouraging comments from my grandpa, I don't know why but that freaks me out a little. So as I said, I was going to go to bed at 10 after the second movie, but I was having a good time so we popped in a third movie. It ended at 11:30, and I could have gone to bed then, but then some shit went down and things happened, and next thing I know it's 2:45 and though I didn't want to go to bed, I realized that any less than three hours sleep might be fatal, so I had to. So... that went a lot better (or worse, for school) than I expected it to. It was the first time I've really felt wanted in forever. The three movies we watched were as follows:

Big Fish - Yeah, I saw it in theaters, but Leslie hadn't watched it, and it's a really good movie, so we did that first. That movie deserves an "A"

Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Leslie likes drag queens, apparently. So this was a movie about a drag queen in a rock band trying to find his/her missing half. There was kind of a lot of gayity in this movie, and I'm not completely sure what the hell happened for about 75% of it, but the music was surprisingly rockin. Maybe it was just the company, but I'll give it a "B"

A Mighty Wind - Christopher Guest's movies are so dry in the humor department. I'd seen like 30 minutes of this before and wasn't impressed. But I was watching it by myself that time and things are always better with other people around. So it was entertaining this time around. The music was horrid for the most part, but there was a good song in there. I'd say you should see it if you liked Guest's other movies, since it's the same thing he always does. "B-"

So now I'm done with school until Friday. I have to work tomorrow (Won't be bad, closing with Jayd, who's cool), Wednesday (Working with the bitch who always leaves early, but I'm only there till 7 or 8, so I can survive) and Thursday (Kill me. I work with this crazy Mexican girl until close. I don't think we'll both make it out of this alive). And then I have a myth final on Friday. Which will be a little hard because I've been thinking about what we've gone over in that class, and I draw basically a complete blank. That's not good. So I might study or I might just take a C and not give a shit (much more likely). Also, two people at work said they'd want to take a day from me, so I left them a note telling them to call me about it, and they never did. Not even Evan who I worked for once, so he owes me one. This is what happens when you do good things for people. You get fucked over. So screw you Evan, you pale, freckled excuse for a frat boy who keeps trying to get on Brynn even though she's not interested in you because you're a pale, freckled excuse for a frat boy.

I took a nap when I got home today. It was like 2 hours. I feel a little better now, but I don't think I'll be staying up until all hours of the night tonight. Also, I started three paragraphs in this entry with the word "So."

So. I went to work today, and I didn't have to work with the girl who leaves early all the time, so that was a plus. What was a minus was the fact that we were really busy because everyone's in the library studying for finals, so they come to Subway to eat. What also sucks was the drink machine ran out of CO2. We thought. Then Dave and Charlie came in and reported that though it was "a little strong" it wasn't out of carbonation. So the girl who complained to us was just a whiny brat. What also sucks is the delivery truck came around 3, as opposed to the before 11 it usually comes at, so while I should have been trying to close, I was desperately throwing things into shelves, refrigerators, and freezers. On the plus side we got out of there at like 4:25, which is about 20 minutes later than usual, but for a busy, inconvenient day like today was, it's not bad.
Then I walked out to my car and it didn't start. Then I tried again. And again. And again. And then I decided it wasn't going to start. So I went back into the student center and called home, nobody answered, called Charlie's cell phone, nobody answered. Then I went back to the car and tried a few more times, it didn't start, then I went to Cam's room for shelter from the impending rain. I was pretty miserable because I was hot, it was about 4:45 and all I'd had to eat was a donut when I got up. Plus my car wouldn't start and I couldn't get ahold of Charlie. So I ate in Cam's room and felt better. Then I called Charlie and he came and picked me up. So we went back to my car to look futilely under the hood while scratching our heads and making grunting noises, pretending that we had a clue what the hell we were looking for. Anyway, while I was trying the ol' "start it again, maybe something will happen" trick, this guy rides up on his bike and says "That's a bad (something something)." To which we replied "What?" To which he replied "That's a bad (something something)." Seeing our blank stares and drool coming out of our mouths, he expounded on that in big car words I didn't understand. After noticing no change in our "Hi, we're retarded" faces, he got off his bike and took a look under the hood. He used to have an older version of my car, apparently, so he knew what we was doing. Somehow that works, I guess. So he takes this orange thing out of this black thing and tells me to start the car, warning me that if you do what he's doing without being grounded (he was holding pliers with rubber handles) you die. With that in mind, I started the car, and he determined that there was no spark. After listing a couple pricey sounding solutions to the problem and telling me that "150,000 miles isn't that much for an engine like this" and "Audis are very dependable cars" (to which I responded with doubt, to say the least), he asks for the manual. I gives it to him and he looks at it and decides he'll just take all the fuses out and put them back in. Finding no bad fuses, he pulls that orange thing out again and tells me to start the car again. So I do, and he drops the orange thing and goes "Son of a!" I shut it off immediately and go out to see him, hoping that I hadn't killed the guy who was trying to help us out. He goes "It bit me" and plugs the orange thing back in. So he tells me to start the car again, and I turn the key and it starts up faster than it ever has before. We thank him heartily and he rides off into the sunset.
Now as everyone knows, I'm not a religious person. I've gone so far as to say "There is no God" just a little while ago. But when things like this happen, it makes even me, the heretical, doomed to hell athiest/agnost wonder. What are the chances that at the precise second that I'm trying to start the car again a guy on a bike will ride up who just happens to know about my car? What are the chances that I'd call Charlie just in time to get back to the car so that we could be there doing that? Not good. Miniscule. Infinitessimal. So was it just really lucky or was it some kind of divine intervention? I don't know. When I say "There is no God," I don't mean to sound like I know that for a fact. Hell, I don't even mean it like I actually believe it. I just say things like that because I'm emotional and I like shocking people. So is there a God? Stuff like what happened today makes me think there might be. I'm not about to start going to Church or anything, but I'm not so ready to be athiest. So thanks, guy who stopped, you really helped out my day.

What's the deal with the letter X? If you haven't heard Mitch Hedburg's newest CD, you should hear it, since he's much funnier than I am and he has a well researched and thought out argument against the letter X. Is there something inherently cool about it? Ecks. That's what it looks like spelled out. That's not a pretty little "word." So what's up with it? I was just watching the Braves lose again on this stupid Friday Night Extra thing TBS does, and it said "Coming up: All aXcess: Hitting with Julio Franco." Now there's a few things wrong with that. First, if you're going to put a stupid X in the word "access", why leave the second C? Why not go aXess? That's cooler. Are we supposed to prounounce it "axe-cess?" With two "s" sounds? I don't think so. And what's with the capitalization? Axess looks weird, I guess. So does Axcess... but that's less weird. Whatever. There was this run of computer games called like X-Treme Wakeboarding! and X-Treme Snowboarding and stuff like that. I used to get PC Gamer, and those games consistently got scores lower than 25%. Apparently that didn't dissuade people from throwing the letter X around like that. X is used in plenty of words already, it doesn't need to be thrown randomly around like that. X-Ray. Xylophone. Exercise. uh... Axe. Oxen. See? All kinds of words.

So school's over. However it doesn't feel like it at all. This last week of school was less stressful than this weekend. It's Friday night and I'm studying because A)I have two finals on Monday, one at 7:00am, the other right after at 9:10am. That means I don't get any study time on Monday. I work tomorrow from 11-4, so that's half a day of studying I don't get to do. Sunday Leslie wants to hang out after she gets off at 4, and since that's likely the only time I'll get to see her, I want to, too. Except I have to go to bed at like 10 so I can wake my ass up to get to school before 7. So today I got my final thing for theory done, studied 75% of history. Tomorrow I'll finish history and try to memorize 30 lines of Shakespeare. Sunday until I get together with Leslie I'll read through some plays to try to remember some lines. Monday I'll take those finals. Tuesday I work. Wednesday I work. Thursday I work. Friday I have my myth final, and then I go back to Conifer. Saturday I leave to go to Georgia. Then I get to look for a job. I want to quit life.

So before last year the Braves were like "All you need is good pitching to win!" And that was true enough. Then last year they were like "If you've got an arsenal for a lineup you don't need pitching!" And that was also true enough. This year I guess they're like "If you've got mediocre pitching and mediocre hitting, you can play .500 ball!" And that's true enough.

Why can't something exciting happen? If a meteor landed outside that'd be pretty neat. Or a nice thunderstorm right over the house. Maybe I could be walking down the street and get shot for no reason, that'd be something. Or some girl who's on fire could show up on the doorstep and ask me to put her out, and then I'd spray her with a hose and we could watch a movie or something. I think I'm too far into college now to back out, but in all honesty, all this schooling and work has sucked the life and soul right out of me. My chemistry teacher last year was a professinal fire eater, had lived on an island farming bananas, was a scientist... and other stuff I don't remember. How come he figured out how to live life, while the rest of us are stuck doing the same shit over and over again until we die? That's not fair. Nobody ever told me that I could farm bananas. Otherwise I'd be doing that right now. Forget this computer and this schooling and this working and all this communication with people, and all this technology. If I was living on an isolated island with like three other people farming bananas, I would be much much happier than I am now. Maybe. Or I'd be basically the same, but in a different situation.

I didn't really have a point with this post. I just wanted to stop studying for a while and get that X thing out of me.

So I'm gonna write something in here since I'll be heading home tomorrow and I don't know how often I'll update this thing over the summer. Granted, I don't update it all that much now, so you, the viewer, probably won't notice much of a difference. Whatever.

Last night I had the last radio show of the semester. And it was totally awesome. I signed up to be on the air from 9-midnight, but since no one came in at midnight, I stayed until 2. Why? Because people kept getting ahold of me and saying I was doing a great job. It all started at around 10:30 when a girl, Claire, called in to request some Bright Eyes. I didn't have any for her, and went on my merry way, not thinking I'd ever encounter her again. About twenty minutes later, she IMs the station and says something like "Thanks for looking for Bright Eyes." And after that, she stayed with me until midnight. It was lots of fun, she had a few more requests (some I could actually find, even!) and was enjoying the other stuff I was playing. So that was cool. Then, once she left, Dave, a 44 year old guy, called in and commented that he really liked the stuff I was playing. This is funny because the stuff I was playing was punk. NOFX, Lagwagon, the Lawrence Arms. He requested some Bouncing Souls, NOFX, 30FootFall, and a whole bunch of other punk stuff. It was great. At around 1:15 I got a call from the Art Studio requesting some Weezer. I didn't have any with me, but I did have the Weezer tribute CD, so I played 3 tracks off of that for them. At 1:50 a guy IMed the station and requested stupid pop/punk acts like The Starting Line, Motion City Soundtrack and the like, but I was able to appease him by playing something off the new (and surprisingly good) Brand New CD. And each person that got ahold of me said how much they liked the show. So it was a very rewarding night, to say the least. Best 5 hours I've spent in the station, I'd say. As long as these people aren't lying bastards, then I've already got 3 listeners for my show next semester. Speaking of next semester, it looks like the internet broadcast will be back up! Rejoice! So all you kids in Colorado, you better tune in. You have no excuse not to (except for the fact that the show will suck).

I am done. Fin. Uh... "done" in a third language. It feels so good to be done with school work and essays and tests for three months. Now to focus on getting a job for the summer...

7 Jobs I Will Never Ever Do:
1. Play-Doh maker
2. Trapeeze artist
3. Nascar driver
4. Rodeo clown
5. Crocodile hunter
6. Sky diver
7. Porn star

Number 7 isn't because I don't want to, but because I doubt I would meet the anatomical requirement for the job.

I have a little bit of spray-paint left. What should I do with it? If you have ideas/suggestions, send them my way.

I really do not enjoy packing up the dorm room. It looks so plain and dull and boring. Why is it that when you move into the room the blank walls aren't as awful as they are when you move out? Is it because the blank walls at the beginning of the year illustrate potential? It's like, "here's all that we can do." Whereas, at the end of the year, you have a sentimental attachment to your cramped room and, seeing it stripped of its personality, you realize that 6 months have already passed?

Whoa. Didn't mean to get that deep on you guys.

Pudding is infinitely better than Jello. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or a moron. There we go. I needed something to lighten the mood.

To all you kids who still have exams: good luck.
To all you kids who are done: congratulations.
To everyone: have a good summer. I'll check back periodically (never). Have fun.

I like short people. I'm short, so people who are shorter than me automatically start higher up on my ranking scale than tall people. Not to say I don't like tall people. Or that I like all short people. Let's go at it like this. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being that guy who threw his sandwich on the ground at Subway on Valentine's day, and 10 being... I don't know, Brian, I guess. Really skinny people start at about a 4. People who don't know the joys of eating are not cool in my book. Tan blond skinny girls wearing pink shirts and underwear for pants start about about a 2, and they have a hard time climbing out of the ditch there. Short people start way up at 7. Short stocky people start at 8. Those numbers usually go down over time, but initially, I do like short people. I also like fat people. Not all fat people, but jolly fat people. Some fat people are all mean because they're fat and bitter about it. But jolly fat people start at a 7 too, probably. Also, girls with boy haircuts start right in the middle at 5, because I'm never sure what to think about them. They're either lesbians, neo-hippies, or cool. And guys with long hair are a 3.

Ducks are funny. If you don't smile when you see a duck waddling around, you have no soul.

I just saw Trista's picture on OKCupid.com. That amused me. I wrote her a dumb little note. I bet she'll respond. Because she reads this sometimes, and if she wasn't planning on it before, she probably will when she reads this.

Clownbox is tonight. It better be funny. It's been alright recently, but not up to par ever since Bart and Jimmy left. Those guys were the anchors of that thing along with Herman. Herman's still around, but he's been kind of showboating, hamming it up up there. I think he needs those other two to keep him grounded. So it's the last one of the semester, so maybe... more than just two people will show up. But probably not.

I think I might write something soon. The urge is coming back. I don't know what it'll be about, but it'll be a story, not an article, and hopefully it'll be long. That story I wrote the first chapter of a while ago might be done. It's a pretty cool beginning still, I think, but I just don't know how to keep it going and have it be interesting. All the action would have to take place in a remote location, nobody could really leave the area, and I introduced way too many characters to be able to establish any connections with any of them. So I guess I might put that up on the website sometime. The website'll just be this place where I throw all the ideas I started and never finished. Like a trash can. There's this other thing that was never really meant to be a story, but was just me trying to build a couple characters and write something really dark, and I think I succeeded. I had a lame idea for a story involving them, but I wisely decided not to even try. So maybe I'll toss that up too. And then this summer maybe I'll write things. I do want to bring back that thing I had on the old site about "What were they thinking?" when they made TV shows. So maybe that'll happen. Who knows.

I want to see Leslie again before summer, but I have to work Saturday and Tuesday through Thursday, so that'll have to be a tight squeeze. Damn work. Two people said they might want one of the days, though, so hopefully they'll take at least one. But they won't. Damn them. I doubt if this is the start of a wonderful relationship, but she is a cool girl nonetheless. Man, I hate Subway. When I get back from Georgia, I'm seriously going to look into another job. Maybe whatever I do in Georgia for the summer will give me some credentials to work somewhere out here. I just can't stand those people I work with anymore.

Alright. Next semester I'm going to attempt once again to be less of a grumpy recluse and try to meet new people. Not that I'm bored with my three friends, but at times it'd be nice to have other people to hang out with. Like when Charlie's working and Cam's out of town, and there's a concert. So since I'm taking two small writing classes, there might be a chance that I'll meet some cool people in there. Maybe. It's up to me, really, not them.

I got Fight Club DVD Special Edition recently, finally, so I think I'm going to go watch that. If you aren't reading books by Chuck Palahniuk you don't know what you're missing.

This post will be somewhat serious and not fun or funny, and it's somewhat personal, so stop reading now.

Let me start with abortion. I was just reading Popular Science, and it mentioned abortion, and I thought about it and decided to take a stand on the issue. Here's the thing. Abortion should be legal because worse things can happen to a baby if it's born into poverty or to unwilling or unable parents than if it's aborted before it has a chance to suffer. There's also this little thing called 7 billion people in the world. We're overpopulated already, and despite what most people think, it's not our duty to bring more and more of our wasteful, planet destroying, vain, greedy, idiotic, fucked up species into this planet to ruin life for every other lifeform. I not only think people should be able to have abortions, I also think that any couple shouldn't be allowed to have more than one kid for a while until we get our numbers back to arount 5 billion. Not really. I just like saying things like that. But alright, I'm willing to take the right of women to have abortions away as soon as the right of men to masturbate gets taken away. That's millions of potential little babies we're spilling every time we masturbate. So just as soon as congress passes that law, then I'll say "Well shit, they've already taken away half of what we do during our lives, they might as well take away a women's right to choose how she wants to live her life." And then once abortion's illegal, they can take away our rights to free speech, they'll make gay marriage illegal, and they can herd everyone who's not blond and blue eyed into concentration camps and kill us off. Abortion should be legal. There is no God, if your beef with abortion is religious, try looking somewhere else for opinions than a book created by monks in order to make people into easily controlled sheep.

Gay marriage should be legal and if you disagree with that, take your Neanderthal ass and go extinct. There is no "sanctity of marriage." There's no law (except, again, for religious texts, which in a sane world would count for jack fucking shit) that says marriage is between a man and a woman. The divorce rate is so high, anyone who wants to tell me marriage is sacred is free to bend over and suck my black asshole. Marriage is just as much about politics as it is about love. Every single person on this earth is a person. Gay or straight. The fact that you like sticking your dick inside a woman instead of a man doesn't make you any better than anyone else. Gay people, black people, white people, men, women, everyone deserves the exact same rights as anyone else on this planet. Gay marriage should be legal. It harms no one. Nobody's going to turn gay. And if they do, so what? It'll help the overpopulation problem if everyone's gay. Right wing conservative, religious maniacs like our shithead, backwoods hick, incestual, piece of shit president shouldn't be allowed to breed because they come up with ideas like making gay marriage illegal while there's so many real problems in the world to deal with (the economy? no jobs? everyone on earth hates us? children are starving all over the place?).

Divorce is a bitch. I know it's hard to predict, but if you're not going to stay together, don't fucking get married. Don't cave into society's pressures and marry someone you're only going to be married for 10 years to. It's not fair to your children, and since you didn't abort them, you better goddamn well think of them. See, that's the problem with having kids. You have to take care of them. Should you put them above your own self when thinking of what's best to do? No, in most cases. But you know, maybe if you get married and you think you might have kids, you might want to sit down and have a serious talk with yourself about whether or not you can stand this person you're marrying for the rest of your life. Because if you can't, don't get married. It ain't hard. Speaking as a child from a divorced household, it's a bitch and a half. I can't please everyone. "Stay here in Colorado with your mom, we don't see you enough." "Come out here to Georgia, we haven't seen you in months." "I don't know why you didn't come to school out here in Georgia, you could have gone for free." "Tell this to your dad." "Ask your mom this." "I don't know why your mom moved you out to Colorado." "Where would you rather be?" "Is your mom paying for your school? Then what right does she have to tell you..." "You better get a job during the summer if you go to Georgia." FUCK! Alright, Jesus Christ. One of these days I'm just going to have to break someone or everyone's heart. I can't fucking keep this up, alright? I don't mean to take either side, my Colorado parents or my Georgia family's, but here. I went to school in Colorado because I've lived here since fifth grade. I have a life here now, my friends are here, this is what I know. I don't feel like I'm from Georgia anymore. I love my Georgia family, but I'm from Colorado. That's why I went to school here. I know I could have gone to Georgia free if I lived there for a year, but that would've meant starting over, and I don't want to do that. I know it would be nice if I could see everyone in my family all the time, but I can't. I have my own life. I'm 20 years old, I'm no one's little baby anymore. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is. Again, I'm not yelling at anyone, I just need to vent. I'm sorry everyone. I'm going to Georgia this summer. I can't make any guarantees about future summers. As nice as it is to see everyone out there and be back in beautiful, green Georgia, I don't have any friends out there. I have family, but it's lonely. We'll see how working is, if that relieves the loneliness, but if not, I have a lot of thinking to do. No matter what I do, I feel like I'm letting someone down, and that's not fair to me. So, now that I've gotten way off track, that was supposed to be an example of why divorce is bad. Because the family splits and your kid feels like he has an allegiance to both sides, and both sides don't like each other anymore, and he feels like he can't please anyone, but he tries, and it just frustrates him to no end. Divorce is bad. Gay marriage is fine. Abortion is fine. If you've read this far, I'd apologize, but in all fairness to me, I warned you at the beginning, so it's your fault you kept reading.