The US government will turn everyone in the country into a homosexual so we'll enlist in the armed services. Duh. It all makes sense now. Check it out:

The conservatives are upset about the recent health care legislation. Their vitriolic anger seems exponentially out of proportion to the meek effectiveness of the bill. It's not like they're citing reasonable objections -- they're just fucking upset. Why is this? Because they know something we don't. They've been trying to hint at it for so long, but I'm afraid it's too late. There's nothing we can do about it now.

How many talking heads have you heard say "they're ramming/forcing it [health care] down our throats"? It's so obvious! The health care bill will require everyone to turn gay! It's gotta be one of those tiny clauses no one paid much attention to. But it's there. And it WILL happen, people. Health care won't be the only thing the government is shoving down our throats. Whoa!

But it doesn't stop there. What's the government to do with a country of homosexuals? Why, build the ultimate army, of course! And here's how: By barring gay couples from attending prom. As Adam mentioned, Mississippi is on the cutting-edge here. They're so far advanced they know exactly what they're doing. Those motherfuckers are smarter than I give them credit for. Because, think about it. Who goes to prom? It's generally seventeen- and eighteen-year-old juniors and seniors. AKA the perfect demographic for new enlistments. And by preventing them from going to prom, they'll have all but no choice to enlist!

But hold up. The "don't ask, don't tell" policy would undermine this entire plan. Not if "the Pentagon will start to ease its enforcement of the [policy]." Ha! How convenient! You expect me to believe all three of theses events just happened to occur at around the same time? Yeah, right! That's just crazy!