Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Alright, time to write another journal entry here. Can I get a hallelujah? An amen? Anything? Bastards... So anyway, I could have sworn I had something to say here, but I can't remember. So I'll just say hey, I've got a new article in the works (in my head) for the website, about the classic comedy film, The Passion of the Christ. I haven't actually seen it, so whatever I say is based on hearsay and rumor, but in all honesty, that's what most of I say is based on. I've just heard some absolutely ridiculous reactions to that movie, and I think I'm going to write about that stuff. So beware, ye Christians, you'll be crucifying me most likely, but I've never cared what you think, and I'm not going to start now.

Mad Caddies on Sunday. Hell yeah. They put on a good show, and it's only 9 bucks, so I can't complain about that. It'll be cool if lots of people come, but the drawing power of Adam has been consistently low, so I doubt it. Whatever.

I went to the insurance company for this meeting today, and I got a bottle of water and an atlas out of it, so it wasn't a waste of time. The big surprise was that my insurace agent is this huge black guy. I figured he'd be your average white jackass insurance guy, but I much prefer the big black guy. Intimidating figure, but I like it when people aren't stereotypes.

There are people out there who turn down a comedy show when presented with the opportunity to go to one. I don't know if you realized that, but it's a fact. Now, I understand that people are busy, and some people don't like Charlie or myself (though I don't know why, I think I'm an alright guy), but seriously, it's comedy. Laughing. There are people who will turn down laughing for an hour and a half in order to study. And how much studying gets done from between 10:30 and midnight? Very little. So... what the hell? I've thought about it, written a few papers on the subject, devoted years of my life to researching the phenomenon, and I still don't understand it. This could be what's wrong with the world. If people are too busy to take an hour and a half out of their lives to laugh for a little while, then we as a society are fuuuuuucked up. The problem started way back in the beginning when people decided that they wanted to be civilized. Civilization isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure, it was probably better back when it first started, when if you had a bunch of goats, and you wanted a sheep, you would give a goat to the guy with a bunch of sheep. And then you'd spend your day riding your goats, or running around, or whatever you wanted to do. And when you needed some eggs, hey, give a goat to the guy with all the chickens. Everyone loves goats. But then sometime people started organizing businesses, and then schools started popping up, because it's so terrible to know just what your family teaches you, and then before you know it, you're nearing the second year of college, and you've got so much unimportant shit to do that you can't laugh anymore. Tests. What good gets done for the betterment of the human race and the human condition by turning in a test? Nothing. Sure, you get to keep going in your education, but at what cost? At what cost? Ten years down the line you're a bitter, cynical bastard with a wife he doesn't love, kids he doesn't know, and a job that gives him no satisfaction but pays the bills. And you know why this happened? Because you didn't laugh, and you took your tests, and you stopped laughing completely, and just started focusing on work, because that's what's expected of you, because if you don't get married and have your 2.5 kids and make your 50 grand a year, you're a failure as a human being. Am I seriously the only one who sees a problem with this? Laugh, for the love of God. If someone asks you to go to a comedy show, drop everything and go laugh. If you don't, then the human race will be extinct in the next hundred years. And at the rate things are going, I wouldn't be surprised.

I think I'm turning into an anarchist. In a few years I'm just going to give up on humanity and be a bum.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Yea, and the Lord said unto thee, I just had a Slurpee and now I have to pee. But first, a couple things. Reading is boring. And here's some stuff my funny teacher has said recently:

"If you're getting thrown out of your house and can never go back, what are you going to take? Food. Not your mother's golden necklace. Well, you could take that oo. Because you could sell it for food."

"I don't know why that imagery appeals to me. A bunch of bunnies trapped in a net getting beaten to death with baseball bats. It's seductive imagery."

"I get away with saying ridiculous things because I say them with a certain measure of confidence. But then I get home and feel bad about it."

"Don't you want Martha Stewart... I don't want to wish anything awful on her... but don't you want, the next time she drives her SUV into her upper story office, don't you want it to fall through the floor and kill her?"

Also, I'm going to write something in a real story in a little bit, for the first time in a long time. That is all.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

The magic is gone. I realized this coming home from work yesterday, walking through campus at night in like 60 degree weather. I looked around and thought about how last year I might be walking home from a concert downtown at 1 in the morning with John and Niko, smelling like smoke, walking real fast, extremely tired, and loving every minute of it. Or Scott and Cam and I would go sneak out to 7-11 and get some Slurpees at midnight because we were bored. Or any number of things. Just being here in a real city outside of that shithole Conifer was enough, I was surrounded by people I'd call friends, and I was having a great time. I even was outgoing enough to try to date some girls (which never really happened, which could explain why I don't try anymore). It was a whole new open book, clean start kind of feeling. And this year, it's just... blah. I still have all the friends I had last semester, but we don't see each other that much because we don't live right next door to each other anymore. I don't get that mystical feeling of just being here anymore. I drive everywhere now, I don't walk anymore. Being outside on this huge open campus at night when there's no one around doesn't do anything for me. I see the same people in my classes, and I don't talk to any of them, really. Last semester I did make a couple new acquaintances, but I just don't feel like it anymore. I won't hang out with them outside of class, so why bother? So I guess this is kind of me bitching about my life like I said I wouldn't, but whatever. Really though, it's not that bad. Life moves on no matter what happens, no point in worrying about stuff like this. As Gomez says, "Times have changed so move along. The dream is over."

Anyway, I forgot that I saw Amelie over the break. That's a movie, not a person. Or a movie about a person, to be specific. But it was really good, even though it was French and subtitled. It's hard for me to read and watch a movie, but this was really good. The ending was weak, since it was kind of a cliched love story ending, but the delivery was really good, and it was visually beautiful. And damned if Amelie isn't one of the cutest, most lovable people ever. A-.

Annnyway, this really isn't a movie reviews forum, I'm just recommending things for people who are bored like myself. Music time: The new Descendents album is out, it's a lesson in punk rock to all those other bands out there who claim to write songs. The Descendents write songs about girls and farting like every other shitty punk band out there, except somehow their songs are infinitely better. It's a little thing called talent, I think. So if you have even a passing interest in punk, check out Cool to be You. Also, I honestly believe that if Lucero somehow got the attention of the masses, they would be the biggest band in the world. It's some straight from the heart southern rock, the likes of which hasn't been seen in 25 years. There are two bands out there trying to save the musical world: Against Me! are the saviors of punk, Lucero are the saviors of rock and roll, and if you're not listening to both those bands on a consistent basis, you have no business listening to music at all.

Yesterday in the student center was a terrible, terrible concert for organ donor awareness. I thought everyone was already aware of organ donors and donating, but who knows. Alls I know is this concert was awful. It started with the worst goddamn rap I've ever heard by these guys who must have been told that all because they were black, they could rap. It made me cry. I'm not big on rap, but there are a couple underground guys who are "keeping it real" or whatever, but these guys were awful, horrid, and should have their vocal chords removed for the atrocities they've committed. The next band was a bad cover band playing all the radio hits from the past couple years. If I wanted to listen to a bad cover band, I'd start one. I can sing better than the tone deaf loser in that band, and anyone can play other people's songs. After this debacle, I'm having serious second thoughts about remaning an organ donor. I think I missed the point.

We went for ice cream tonight and there was this funny little girl working there. Charlie surprised me by making me order first, and I was caught completely off guard. I managed to stammer out "I'll have some chocolate ice cream," to which the funny little girl replied "Chocolate..." followed by a long stare, and then "did you want something in that?" To which I replied "Yes, I would. I wasn't prepared for this." So she was either hating me at this point, or loving my witty sense of humor. I think hating was the one. So she left to get the ice cream while I made up my mind. Anyway, this kind of thing went on for a while because me and Charlie are retarded and can't do anything right or quickly. So this funny little girl, who is between the age of 16-22 (I can't tell on girls anymore), she's funny and both me and Charlie like her because of that. That and I like short people. So she's gone to ring us up and Charlie brings up how we both like her, and I'm like "We should ask her to a movie tomorrow." And Charlie goes "Alright, do it." And I go "I'm not doing it." And Charlie goes "I'll do it." So the girl comes back, gives Charlie his ice cream, and we leave without saying anything. Welcome to the world of the pathetic losers. Pull up a chair and stay a while, it's all downhill from here.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

I have absolutely nothing to say. Normally when I get around to adding an entry, I have at least some idea of what I want to discuss. But not today. So this ought to be interesting.

So I decided today that I like Futurama more than The Simpsons. I know I'm in the minority there, but I can't help it. I just think the characters are cooler, and the story lines and ideas and stuff are pretty much infinite, since they have all of space to work with. Now, sure, not every episode is a winner, but more often than not I find myself enjoying an episode. So yep, that's about all I have to say about that.

Drag The River just popped up on my list of mp3s. Good stuff there. All In All is a great song by them. And then Chad goes and covers his own song in his other band, All, and it's even cooler. That's a sign of a good song.

April 2nd and 3rd. Mark your calendars, kids, that's when MACRoCk's coming to town. Don't know what MACRoCk is? Go here. That'll also be the weekend I'll get very little sleep, since I'm helping out so much. But it's all worth it. Even the monotonous shit, like stuffing promo bags, or stapling guide books together. It all leads up to the big event. And there's nothing like seeing a couple thousand emo rock kids swamp campus while these typical fraternity or sorority people give looks like, "what the hell's going on?" It's priceless.

Today was a good day. It wasn't great or anything, it was just good. It's funny how stuff works out sometimes. Sure, there's a million things I'd change, but, considering the circumstances, working with what I've got, I'm happy with how today turned out. And yes, I realize that's the third sentence I've ended with a preposition, but that's just something you're going to have to put up with. Shazam! Two prepositions there. Maybe they can cancel each other out, and it won't matter. Of course, chances are, no one cares whether or not I end a sentence with a preposition anyway. I'm just a big dork.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

I'm back. Spring break was relaxing. Watched a lot of movies:

1. Matchstick Men- I didn't want to see it at all in theaters, the previews were pretty uneventful, but this turned out to be a very good movie, with a touching relationship between father and daughter, and a nice twist or two in the story. There's some funny moments but it's not really a comedy, it's really just a very entertaining movie that held me the whole way through, and even though I felt bad when the final twist happens, the movie almost brought me back to feeling good. Bittersweet endings are better than storybook endings. B+

2. Dickie Roberts - It's no Joe Dirt, which was one of those movies that critics hated but I liked a good bit. Dickie Roberts is less funny and less sentimental, but it's still a decent movie. If there's nothing else to rent, I'd recommend it. It's just like David Spade's other movies, except not quite as good. C+

3. Out of Time - Don't remember it coming out in theaters. Turned out to be a pretty gripping thriller when it started going. Took a while to get there but once the plot starts moving you'll be interested in what happens. It's full of lucky coincidences and unlikely events, but if you're willing to not think too hard about it, it's an above average thriller. B-

4. Hidalgo - I had no desire to see this, but my parents wanted to go see a movie as a family and this was what they picked. I was right. My parents loved it. I thought it was boring. There were a few parts that had my attention, but I really drifted in and out, looking around the theater, checking my watch. My stepdad gave it a 9 out of 10. So I guess there must be an audience for it. But that audience is not me. C

5. 28 Days Later - It's about time I saw this, I'd been promised a good movie. Cam has good taste, what can I say, this is the best zombie movie I've seen, not that I've seen many. Resident Evil should have been this atmospheric. It's not an intensely scary movie, but the atmosphere built by the grainy camera, good acting, and great sets, make it a creepy movie. It really stuck with me because of the imagery. Just when the deserted group of survivors thinks they've found safety, they realize they're worse off than they were before. Kind of a rushed ending, but overall an excellent horror movie. B+.

6. Lost In Translation - Sometimes a movie doesn't live up to the hype. I know I'm in the minority here (though everyone in my family agreed), but this wasn't as good as I'd hoped. The guy in the video store warned me. Bill Murray was good, and so was Scarlett Johansson, but I need more than good acting to bring me into a movie. There were very funny moments, and a touching moment or two, but I felt like I was watching a travel guide to Tokyo more than I was watching a movie. It seemed like there were long scenes of "see the sights in Tokyo" interspersed with short clips of our characters. I've read a few reviews that echoed my sentiments completely: This would have been a fantastic short film, 40 minutes to an hour long, if they'd cut out all the wandering around Tokyo and focused more on the unlikely relatiohship between the two people. But overall there was too much of nothing going on and not enough story. C+/B-

7. View From the Top - Just as bad as I expected. It didn't hurt to watch, but it wasn't good. A couple chuckles, lots of cleavage and interesting outfits and bright colors were good. But a lot of failed/nonexistant jokes, characters we don't care about and a plot that comes from The Cookiecutter's Guide to Plots make this one you can watch on TV if you're bored, like I did. It's not offensively bad, it's just bad. D+.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Go here right now: The New York Times. It'll ask you to register. Do it. Trust me. You'll want to read the rest of this article that starts off like so:
U.S. Videos, for TV News, Come Under Scrutiny
By ROBERT PEAR

Published: March 15, 2004


WASHINGTON, March 14 — Federal investigators are scrutinizing television segments in which the Bush administration paid people to pose as journalists praising the benefits of the new Medicare law, which would be offered to help elderly Americans with the costs of their prescription medicines.



And there's even more in the article that'll be sure to piss you off, so go read it. All because the Medicare bill ended up being a mere 135 billion dollars more than what Bush promised. For more about this, you can go to
The Washington Post. They've got an article like this:

Official Says He Was Told To Withhold Medicare Data
By Amy Goldstein
Washington Post Staff Writer
Saturday, March 13, 2004; Page A01

The government's longtime chief analyst of Medicare costs said yesterday that Bush administration officials threatened to fire him last year if he disclosed to Congress that he believed the prescription drug legislation favored by the White House would prove far more expensive than lawmakers had been told.



This, plus the whole gay marriage thing, plus recent terrorist attacks in Spain have really given me a bitter outlook on this world. Everything's seriously fucked. I'm doing my best to help change things, but it really seems insignificant. But that's not going to stop me from trying.

On a much better note, Colorado was great. Adam, Charlie, Cam, and all the other kids I met out there, it was a great week. I've learned the following things from that trip:
1. If you've ever had a cranky old man as a neighbor, the reason he's cranky is probably because he was tormented as a child for having a stupid name like Merile Dean McElwin.
2. Local commercials in Colorado are even worse than they are here. And they don't sync up with the normal commercials well, either.
3. Adam's World History class is just about the worst class in the world. I've had my share of bad classes, and I'm sure you have too, but that class is just ridiculous.

Yes, ridiculous is spelled with an I.

Also, "momentarily" means "for a moment," not "in a moment." So don't say, "I'll be back momentarily," unless you really do intend to remain for a moment.

The grammar police strike again.

And thanks a lot to The Daily Show for pointing out this new news. Such a great show.

That's it for now. I spent 13.5 hours on campus today. Take that, Adam. Let's see you top that.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Three things: One, Greenpeace. Leave me alone. Every day I walk from class to the student center I get attacked by Greenpeace people wanting me to listen to their speech. I don't want to listen to your speech, I have better things to do than save the world, like eating or basically anything. Not that I don't want to save the world, I just don't want to be attacked by all these yellow jacket wearing bastards asking me if I have a second for Greenpeace. If you can spit out your propaganda in one second, do it while I'm passing by. Otherwise leave me alone. I'll spray some aerosol and pour some oil in some water just for you.

Second, people who can't walk in straight lines at constant speeds should be deported. Trying to leave the building from my last class today I followed some idiot swaggering drunkenly along, so I tried to pass, and he stopped completely. So I moved further out of his path and he made a big wide turn right into me. After that episode I then followed a group of three kids who felt the need to space themselves out along the hall to disallow any attempt to pass, and then walk at half the speed a runaway glacier. I'm a very slow walker, so if I'm getting frustrated by people not walking fast enough, action needs to be taken.

Third, I'm getting tired of hearing "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" from girls. It didn't happen to me recently, but it did happen to Cam. And one girl who told him she wasn't looking for a relationship a couple semesters ago is now engaged to be married. You don't go from not looking for anything to getting married in a year, it just doesn't happen.

That wasn't the third point I wanted to make, this is. So... Third (b), I'm convinced that going to history makes the weather turn bad. This is twice now it's been fifty when I go in there, so I get all pumped up to come home and play wiffle ball, and then I come out and the temperature has dropped 20 degrees. And today it was snowing or raining or hailing or sleeting or something, and when I went in it was like 50. So I think this proves why I don't like history. History makes weather bad. Later.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

This is it, kids. The last post from me before Spring Break. I just finished writing my second paper that's due tomorrow, and I'm feeling great. Today was a really good day, actually. I accomplished quite a bit. Isn't that a nice feeling? I think so.

I'm now listening to music that accompanies my mood well: The Mad Caddies. Rock the Plank is a great album. So many different musical styles (I'm all about the pirate-core), it's all upbeat, and it's just fun music. Check it out.

But the real reason I'm posting is this. In my American Literature from the Beginning to the Civil War class, the most boring class in the world, I've finally read a really good piece. And who would've thought that it'd be by Henry David Thoreau? But it is. And no, it's not "Walden," it's "Resistance to Civil Government." Now, sure, it was written in 1849, but it still applies today. So go out and read it and learn. Or, if you're unsure about it, read a few of the short excerpts I'll type up here, and then go read it. It's good stuff. Trust me.

Resistance to Civil Government by Henry David Thoreau
--"That government is best which governs least. Carried out, it finally amounts to this, which also I believe: That government is best which governs not at all."
--"The only obligation which I have a right to assume, is to do at any time what I think right."
--"The mass of men serve the State thus, not as men mainly, but as machines."
--"He who gives himself entirely to his fellow men appears to them useless and selfish; but he who gives himself partially to them is pronounced a benefactor and philanthropist."
--"Improvement is slow, because the few are not materially wiser or better than the many. It is not so important that many should be as good as you, as that there be some absolute goodness somewhere."
--(expressing the sentiment of most voters) "I cast my vote, perchance, as I think right; but I am not vitally concerned that that right should prevail. I am willing to leave it to the majority... Even voting for the right is doing nothing for it. It is only expressing to men feebly your desire that it should prevail."
--"How many men are there to a square thousand miles in this country? Hardly one."
--"Why is [the government] not more apt to anticipate and provide for reform? Why does it not cherish its wise minority?... Why does it not encourage its citizens to be on the alert to point out its faults, and do better than it would have them?"
--"If the injustice is part of the necessary friction of the machine of government, let it go, let it go... Let your life be a counter friction to stop the machine."
--"I came into this world, not chiefly to make this a good place to live in, but to live in it, be it good or bad."
--"Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison."
--"A minority is powerless while it conforms to the majority; it is not even a minority then; but it is irresistible when it clogs by its whole weight. If the alternative is to keep all just men in prison, or give up war and slavery, the State will not hesitate which to choose."
--"The best thing a man can do for his culture when he is rich is to endeavour to carry out those schemes which he entertained when he was poor."
--"Confucius said, 'If a State is governed by the principles of reason, poverty and misery are subjects of shame; if a State is not governed by the principles of reason, riches and honors are the subjects of shame.'" (My personal favorite)
--"Is a democracy, such as we know it, the last improvement possible in government? Is it not possible to take a step further towards recognizing and organizing the rights of man? There will never be a really free and enlightened State, until the State comes to recognize the individual as a higher and independent power."

So yeah, go read the whole thing now. And keep this Mad Caddies song title in mind: We'll Start to Worry When the Cynics Start Believing.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Two nights of awesome concerts is almost too good to be true. Both of my companions were thoroughly pleased. Or they're liars. But seriously, it was good stuff. It sure did make getting back into the routine today hard though. But let me bitch for a moment. Last night I supposedly had quite the crowd lined up to go with me to the show, but John was the only one who ended up going. Which brings up a point I'd like to make here. It's happened fairly often to me since I started going to CSU here that I will ask people to do something and they'll say yes. And then it comes time to go do said thing, and they'll make up some lame excuse so I'll end up not going or going by myself. And I'm pretty sick of it, so I'm putting it out here for the whole world (assuming the whole world is the five readers of this thing) can see it. Look folks, if you're not sure you can go when I ask you to do something, say maybe. If you don't want to go do something with me, say no. I won't get offended, I promise. It pisses me off much more when I'm looking forward to something and then you back out. I know I'm not a very exciting or fun person, and I can't blame you if you don't want to do something. But the things I ask you to are usually fun things, like the concert last night was amazing. It was probably the most crowded I've ever seen the Starlight, and Lucero and Against Me were in top form. Even if you don't like hanging out with me, if you say yes when I ask you, you should come just for the music. I'm really sick of it, sorry for bitching, but people, I don't want to be an old cliche, but your word really is all you have. Once someone loses trust in you, it's over. So let's just try to be a little more careful and considerate from now on, and I won't have to bitch anymore. About this.

Only three bands last night, Looker cancelled, so at first I felt like I might be getting ripped off. But it turned out that the remaning bands got to play long sets. Except the Grabass Charlestons. I decided that it wasn't the sound problems, it was the fact that they've really only written one song I really like. No one in the crowd was really digging them so they got off after like 20 minutes, it seems like. Then Lucero came on and played for an hour. It was awesome, they are ridiculously good live. They're good on CD, but live they shine. John said it was awesome too, so it was. They played all the crowd favorites, except Here At the Starlite, which is weird because they were playing at the Starlight. Interesting. But it was still a great set.

Against Me! They are the best band I've ever seen live, that's just how it is. My heart pounds way too fast during the whole set, my adrenaline is rushing and I'm sweating like a pig. And by the end my voice is all hoarse cause I've been singing along the whole time. It's incredible, really. The energy they put out and the sense of humor they have between songs. So let me think if I can recreate a playlist. They opened with Those Anarcho Punks, then launched straight into the incredibly rocking live Walking is Still Honest. And then they played the following, in no particular order: Pints of Guinness (one of the best songs ever), Reinventing Axl Rose, Sink Florida Sink, Rice and Bread, Unsubstantiated Rumors (the version they play live is infinitely better than the one on the CD), You Look Like I Need a Drink, Turn those Clapping Hands..., and then they ended with Cliche Guevara and the band left and Tom stayed on to play Cavalier Eternel to close it. They also played THREE new songs. The same new song as last night (not the one on the radio show), and two more I'd never heard, and all three of them were amazing. The second one in particular blew me away, it was incredibly energetic and it ended with a bang and left me breathless. If these songs make it on the next record, it will blow The Eternal Cowboy away, and I love that CD. They're that good.

I'm sad now that it's all over. It was seriously the best time I've had in a long ass time. But Thursday is the improv and Brian is coming out on Saturday, so good times aplenty are ahead.

And to end on a sad note, my dad's dog Cassie died recently. She's the only dog I've ever "had" even though I only see her a couple months out of the year, and though she was stupid and sometimes annoying, we all loved her stupidity and annoying..ness. She was old, but still, it's sad news. It'll definitely different around that house without her running around like a madman whenever we show up, and sometimes for no reason. And now when we drop food on the floor, who's going to eat it? I guess my brother will have to. So if All Dogs Go To Heaven is true, then Cassie's a cartoon somewhere gambling and... solving crimes. Or something, I don't remember what those movies were about. But let's hope she's doing alright wherever she is now.
"Brian, where the hell have you been?" is a question that has (not) been asked of me many a time these past couple of weeks. Well, the answer is right here. I really have no legitimate excuse as to why I haven't been keeping you posted on the uneventful day to day goings on of my life. However, I can say that next week is Spring Break, so I'll be using that as an excuse. But first I must get through the next four or five days, and that'll be exciting. And by "exciting" I mean "the longest four or five days in the world."

I've started flossing. For real. Flossing is one of those things that always seemed like a pain to do before I started doing it, but now that it's part of my night time routine, I'm thinking, "What the hell took me so long to do this? Why did I object to such a simple task?" It's really quite bizarre.

Wheat Thins are better than Triscuits, and anyone who says otherwise is either lying or just a moron. Also, the cereal that's a bunch of loops and fruit flavored, the one that Tucan Sam can lead you to, is actually spelled Froot Loops. Don't believe me? Look at the cereal box. Weird stuff.

Music update: go to www.jadetree.com and download some Pedro The Lion and Onelinedrawing. Or go to www.fatwreck.com and download just about anything there. Make sure to pick up Nick Motown by Snuff, or else I will have to slap you over the head numerous times.

Good TV shows that are cancelled: Sports Night, MST3K, Sifl and Olly, The Critic, Quantum Leap, Futurama, Family Guy, Freaks and Geeks. There's more, but I can't remember them at this time. I say we get rid of all these stupid reality shows and replace them with these shows. Also, half of all television networks must air cartoons for 14 hours a day.

Go vote this fall. I've had enough of George W's shenanagins. He's certainly picked the stupidest thing in the world to get passionate about: making gay marriage illegal? What's next? It'll be illegal to be vegetarian? To be athiest? To burn a flag? It just might, kids, it just might. I don't want him dicking around in the office until I'm 25. That's just scary. So let's do something. Vote. And then go egg the White House.