Wow. I got on here for the first time in a week or two, and I didn't have to log in. It remembered me. Should I be happy or terrified that technology is now reading what I type and evolving to meet my demands?

I fucking LOVED Michael Jackson when I was a kid. LOVED him. I didn't even think there was any other music for years. It's kind of surreal to me that he's dead. I almost thought that maybe he had experienced the perfect blend of plastic surgery and medications that he had accidentally stumbled onto immortality. Apparently not. I heard that on the day after MJ died, his albums were SEVENTY PERCENT(!!!) of ALL the orders on Amazon.com. All of the top 15 albums on the site were his. 15 of the top 15. That's amazing. He was probably one of the strangest men in the world, but man, that voice and those moves, and those songs, and that skin and that glove... The man could have been the single most famous musician of all time. It's strange to be around to see a genuine piece of world history disappear.

How about that Farrah Fawcett, huh? She died too. Sad. I think I'm too young to really appreciate that one but I heard a lot of old men the next day saying some pretty pervy things about her. Kind of weird, considering she had just died. But you know, old men will be boys.

How about that Ed McMahon, huh? Heeeeeeere's Johnny! Hey-o! I just won a hundred million dollars again this year, and all I have to do is order some magazines! I did watch Star Search when I was a kid. Well, let's all have a drink for the three famous people who died here last week, and then move on because...

...there are some crazy shits going on in Iran right now. I guess maybe less crazy right now than a week or two ago, but man, could you feel the electricity in the air from the people rising up against an unjust dictatorship and threatening to take down the establishment? I could. I was riveted, I was so excited to see that people somewhere have the audacity to stand up to evil and say "We've had ENOUGH!" And then evil said "We have the MILITARY!" and the revolution kind of fizzled out. Once the government came out and actually said "If you protest peacefully, we will kill you, your family, and everything you love," the people said "Hey man, it's all good. We were just kidding." Sure, there were a few die-hards (literally, it turned out) that had had ENOUGH (of living, it turned out) of these despots, but your average peaceful protester seems like they decided that a little more freedom isn't worth being dead for. Makes sense, since if you're dead you can't really enjoy your freedom. But man, wouldn't it have been something to see a real revolution, led by the people in the streets, and not a coup by some other military megalomaniac. Maybe next time.

And how about that North Korea, huh? Kim Jong Il's (sp?) son is named Kim Jong Un? (sp?) Who the fuck does this guy think he is? Now he's going to "shoot a missle" at Hawaii, huh? I mean, that's cute that there's a country that allows a mentally ill midget crossdresser to be their leader, and it's cute that he thinks that we're going to be terrified of him shooting a missile at Hawaii on the 4th of July, but really, a stupid retarded little person in a pompadour throwing rocks at the Pacific Ocean is probably only scary to the water within six inches of the beach. And even then, his stupid tiny atrophied muscles and his complete lack of exercise while he sits in his (probably) WAAAAY oversized throne being fed grapes by topless women, will probably lead to him pulling something when he tries to push the button to "shoot the missile." He can't even hit Japan! Don't you think you ought to launch a shuttle into space before you declare you're going to fly to, and establish a colony on, Pluto? (He didn't do that, I'm just saying, if you can't hit Japan with a missile and it's out your back door, you probably can't hit some islands far far away.)

Anything else? I guess not. I'd just like to say, I also have Brian and my home videos from back when we were creative, yet I have no VCR to watch them. Their hilarous/idiotic antics elude me, and due to the bonk on my head/drugs/genetics/brain transplant, I can hardly remember what is on them. I look forward to reading Brian's comments on our masterpieces/embarassments to our families.

So, to Brian's accurate portrayal of our readership, "What up."

Oh. Dear. God.

I was cleaning out my closet (no connection to the Eminem song) when I found the old "Brian and Adam's Crappy Home Videos." All four (!) volumes. I'm watching the first one now. More on this later.

Grab your Ritalin, because this post is going to be all over the-

So, Iran. What a crazy situation. I've gotta say, when Bush got re-elected in 2004, I kind of wish something similar had happened here. There's just something about huge masses of upset people who are so pissed-off they're willing to risk their health/lives/well-being to stand up for what they believe in. It gets me every time.

I've been listening to Dire Straits recently. The "Making Movies" album, mostly, but also "Brothers in Arms." How the hell have I overlooked this iconic band for so long?

Here's how I came about digging Dire Straits: Last week, one week ago today, I picked up the key to my apartment in Queens, NY. Driving back from Queens, I was flipping through the radio stations, getting a feel for what kind of stuff they play in New York City. I stumbled upon a classic rock station that, no shit, played a solid hour of the greatest classic rock songs I've ever heard amassed on Clear Channel-sponsored radio. My only complaint? The commercials. I'm spoiled by listening to CDs or public radio, where you don't get the onslaught of ads. So, out of that hour, a good fifteen minutes was probably commercials. Still, the part that wasn't trying to sell me stuff was unadulterated rock. One of the songs happened to be "Sultans of Swing." I said to myself, "You know, I like this song. But I've never really listened to Dire Straits." I thought that, just like that, with the quotation marks and everything. Anyway, upon coming back home, I did some research using the fantastic allmusic.com. "Brothers in Arms" is their recommended pick, but "Making Movies" got the highest score. My question to you (Adam, Cam, Leslie, my sister -- I think that sums up our readership) is: which album should I try next?

Speaking of New York, I've purchased my ticket for The Weakerthans at the Bowery Ballroom. Perhaps the first concert I'll see up in city as a resident. So cool.

Finally, I won't be reading a non-fiction science book for May/June. I ran out of time. It took me most of the two months to finish Roberto Bolano's mammoth "The Savage Detectives." Unfortunately, it was a decidedly average book. Held my interest enough to get through, but never really grabbed me. Near the end, I found myself reading it more just to finish it, rather than to discover the conclusion. Not a good sign. Also: I figure that, what with school starting up in August, I will no longer have much time/desire to do fun reading, so I was bound to flake out, eventually. Why not now?

Every time I log into this thing, I click the "Remember Me" box. This apparently tells the thing to remember me for approximately three seconds, because if I wait a couple of days to come back to this, I have to log back in again. It's not really the most annoying thing in the world, but it does make me wonder what happens if you don't click the "Remember Me" box. Will it forget you all together and your account disappears? I feel like I'm at the end of Eternal Sunshine, shouting at blogger "Remember me! Remember me!" But then when it wakes up, it has no idea who I am. And I am so sad.

In Denver on Friday night with my brother waiting to see the Dillinger Four, a guy came up to us and said "Hey guys, my name's Leroy and I'm a street performer. I sing songs, old Motown. You want to hear one?" And I said "Heeeeellllll yeaaaaahhhh boooooooyyyyyyy!." Then Leroy busted out a nice version of one of the greatest songs of all time, Sitting on the Dock of the Bay. He had a backup dancer, he was engaging the crowd (me, Aaron, and this other guy who was standing next to us), and he had a good voice. That earned a few bucks from me, and some money from the guy next to us. Which leads me to my point here: There are a TON of homeless people out there right now, and a lot of us can't decide which to give money to/spit on (depending on your political affiliations). If homeless people would just do SOMETHING, I bet they would make way more money. Look, I don't want to sound cruel, but sitting there with a beard and a sign that says "Homeless Veteran Please Help" just doesn't do anything for anyone anymore. It's not that we're not sad that you're homeless, especially since you served your country in the military, it's just that we're not made of money either. It's like CDs. I'd love to buy every CD I want, but I don't have enough money. I'd love to give money to every homeless person, but then they'd have a couple bucks each and I'd be homeless too. So to all our homeless readers out there, find something you can do and do it. Draw a picture, sing a song, dance a little jig. I guarantee this will increase your revenue/decrease your spit-on quotient by a marked amount.

Leslie wanted me to mention that I was visiting her in Seattle in my last post and I didn't so I told her I'd mention her in this one, and I did. Seattle is a cool place if you ever get to go there. The Pike Market has a ton of amazing looking locally grown food. There's a microbrewery right there that's got some good beer and a great reuben. There are a TON of gay people of every gender, and a TON of homeless people who seem to be getting kind of aggressive about taking your money. And yes, there are a TON of coffee shops. And lots of Asians. However, I'm not sure I ever saw an Asian homosexual homeless person drinking coffee. So just like in high school, the cliques don't mix. Won't we ever learn?

I had a good post saved up in my brain for a while and I never wrote it. So this is what you got instead. Shazam!

Thankfully, I don't have insomnia. I realize that's a bizarre way to start a post. But I'm thankful that I don't have insomnia because I recently saw a commercial for Ambien CR. (I would just like to add that, if you go to the Ambien CR website, the front-page graphic is of five ethnically-diverse people standing on a pill. The caption cracks me up: "Not actual pill size." As if someone out there is thinking, "Man, I could use some Ambien CR, but, goddamn, that is one giant pill!") Anyway, this commercial scared me. No, it terrified me. The side effects -- of which there are many -- seem extremely uncomfortable and/or fatal. In fact, I'd guess that about half of the 30-second spot discussed the detriments of the drug. Even if I had severe insomnia, I don't think I'd risk taking Abien CR. Certainly not after that ad.

Amazing transition in five, four, three, two...

Speaking of commercials and their ineffectiveness, have you seen the Loud 'N Clear infomercial? This is truly a sight to behold. Let's open on a poor old woman who simply wants to play Bingo. Had she only proper hearing, she'd be on a roll (? [I'm not familiar with Bingo lingo.]). This same lady is also taking her Loud 'N Clear to church, where all the devout patrons secretly scorn her and pray that she ends up writhing in hell next to Satan for the rest of eternity, all because it looks like she's bringing one of those damn Bluetooth things into their sacred and God-loving church of all things holy, amen. But hey! At least she can HEAR them condemning her to hell!

My next favorite character in this commercial is the man with charcoal hair. We first meet him as he's watching his son's little league game while wearing the Loud 'N Clear. A nice gesture, but altogether unnecessary. I mean, what's the point of having to hear the umpire when he consistently uses visible hand motions to indicate if a player is safe or out? But I digress.

The next day, Mr. Charcoal Hair is out in the wild, hunting! What a true manly man, this man is! Although, judging by his inept stealth tactics, I'm guessing he doesn't get out much.

The point? Get the Loud 'N Clear and you will: get consistent Bingos! Hunt better! Eavesdrop on people invariably discussing how attractive and/or well-off you are! Get good, church-going people to secretly turn against you!

Finally, let's talk about cupcakes. I like cupcakes. I even enjoy making cupcakes. Cupcakes are always fun. However... Are you a man who makes cupcakes? Do you sometimes feel... inadequate... about the size of your cupcakes? Trying to find the cupcake variation of a Hummer? (Yes, that pun was entirely intentional.) Then you need Big Top Cupcakes. But wait. Let's stop and think about this a moment. What kind of message are you sending to your children? (Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that the children in this ad are, in fact, your children.) Look at how a normal, ordinary cupcake elicits from them heretofore uncharted levels of ennui. The only thing that will draw them back from the brink of an endlessly demoralizing cycle of introspection is to... provide them with a cupcake twenty-five times bigger?

I'm just thankful that I don't live in those infomercial worlds. Those despondent, cruel, black-and-white worlds where everything sucks and everyone acts so fucking hopeless all the time.

Oh, and I'm also thankful I don't have insomnia.

Jesus, you know, I was all like "Yeah, I'm totally going to like update this thing like all the time." And now I'm all like "Nah." So sorry. I'm a dirty rotten fucking liar, and you should hate me. But you don't. You love me. And that's cool too.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Seattle that has free wi-fi and I feel like this is what people do in this situation. There's another guy in here on his laptop too but it's facing away from me so I can't see what he's doing. I assume he's Twittering or some shit, so at least I'm way cooler than him. Have I mentioned how much I hate Twitter? I hate Twitter a lot. I hate the word Twitter. I hate that when you do it it's called a "tweet." I hate people who think they need to tell other people what they're doing all the time, and I hate The Man limiting you to 140 characters or whatever (I don't know anything about Twitter). Censorship! This is also the reason I rarely get on Facebook and never update my status. Nobody cares what I'm doing. I hardly care what I'm doing most of the time.

After months of not doing anything exciting with my life, I "went to" three concerts last week. First, with Cam, I went to see Nine Inch Nails at Fiddler's Green. Not bad, and fairly priced ($30ish). What's weird about this concert is that Jane's Addiction (seriously?) played AFTER NIN. Which was actually cool, since Jane's Addiction sucks, the concert was in the middle of the week so I had to get to bed at a somewhat reasonable time, and because of this, we got to leave around 9. NIN played forever and they're pretty decent live. Pretty good setlist too. "Hurt" live outside while the sun was going down was one of the more awesome live music experiences I've had.

Then on Friday we went to Denver to see Lucero and Chuck Ragan. We didn't see them because I'm a moron and didn't buy tickets ahead of time. See, I've seen Lucero live like seven times at this point and they have NEVER sold anything out. But I didn't take into account the fact that it was a Friday night in Denver at a small venue. They were sold out. But, I got some of Cam and Leslie's Famous Home Cooked Bacon Mac and Cheese and some of the most gigantic biscuits that have ever been made. But man, if you ever get the chance to see Lucero live, you should definitely do it. They end every show the same way, by getting EXTREMELY drunk and taking requests, which they only half remember how to play, but it's a really fun time. So yeah, I was pretty bummed about that, but you know, life goes on, and they'll be back.

Saturday was Neko Case, and it was my first time seeing her live, and it was pretty damn cool. Sarai and I went to Efrain's in Lafayette beforehand and I had some pretty delicious fajitas. That was a good start to the night, and then Neko Case put on a really good, and great sounding show, playing pretty much all of her new album (which is awesome, by the way), some choice cuts off of her last album (which is awesome, by the way), and couple from the one before that. Only problem with this show is that we got there like five minutes before the show started and all the good viewing spots were taken. So for the first set, Calexico, we stood getting molested by fat guys in cowboy hats and being behind so many people we couldn't see anything. We spent Neko's set literally all the way in the back of the theater, where at least we could see, but the music was kind of quiet and people were just talking loudly. I don't understand why people pay money to go to a concert and then stand there and talk to their friends over the music the whole time. You can do that for free outside, where other people who paid for the concert aren't trying to listen to the damn show.

Anyway now I'm in Seattle for the first time and it's 85 degrees and sunny as hell. So so far I don't get what all the hoopla about rain all the time is. It's so nice to finally get a vacation from work. I'm going to see a Mariner's game while I'm here, and do other things that you do in Seattle. I don't know what that consists of. So yeah. Sorry this post was so bloggy and not angry ramblings of an insane man about the issues of the day. But you know, that's how it goes, and that's how it shall go today.

Talk to you whenever! Call me!