One of God's greatest gifts to man is the USB turntable. Putting records on your computer so you can listen to records on your IPod really makes me feel a lot less like a luddite for liking records and a lot more like hip, cool loser.

Just a few notes to catch up on today, since I've been MIA for the past few weeks. I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick right now, which sucks. But you guys, are you scared shitless of this swine flu? I'm so scared. There have been over 245 people in the country get sick with this thing. TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE! That's practically .0000008% of the population of the country! Head for those nuclear war bunkers we built when we were sure the world was going to be ended by nuclear war with the Russians. Or when we were sure the world was going to be ended by accidental war in the horrifyingly accurate Y2K ordeal. Or when we were sure it was going to be SARS or bird flu or whatever the fuck Christians think is supposed to happen, or whatever the fuck Muslims think is supposed to happen, or whatever the fuck anyone else thinks is supposed to happen. I've got a good feeling about this one though. After all, it's comforting to know that the WHO (not the band) is just as susceptible to crazy fear mongering as the crazy homeless man on the street corner. PANDEMIC!

Anyway, if you're not dead from the swine flue and you're still reading this, I want to wish a happy belated 4/20 to all you filthy pot smoking hippies out there, and I want you to know we're all with you on this legalizing pot thing. We saw how well prohibition worked out back when we tried it on alcohol. I'd say it's working just about as well for weed now. Lots of innocent people in jail, a missed revenue stream by the government, the act of procuring weed much more dangerous than it would be were it legal, the act of smoking whatever crazy shit you got from your dealer a lot more dangerous than it would be were it legal. Yes folks, we're totally winning the war on drugs. Just look at how no one is in jail for doing drugs, no one dies in vicious violence spilling over our borders from Mexico, no one is in rehab, and no one even does them! Isn't it amazing what making something illegal will do? Just like how were we to make abortion illegal, that spike in deaths from botched back alley coathanger abortions would be totally coincidental, because obviously no one would be getting abortions since they'd be illegal! Just like how no one speeds! I love laws, man.

The movie Adventureland surprised me by being the best movie I've seen all year. It was very funny, but above that, a much better movie than I expected, and a much better movie than most comedies. Too bad I have the feeling it slid under a lot of people's radars.

It's also been 10 years since the Columbine killings. Not the first school shooting, not the last. But I remember exactly where I was when I heard about it, and it was one of those moments when your worldview is shattered as a kid. No one is safe anywhere, there is pure evil in the world, and goth kids are whiny little bitches. I still can't look at anyone wearing a trench coat without wondering what the fuck they're thinking.

Cool,t alkt oyo ulate r.