Yo. I am back. And better than ever. Or at least not worse than before. Okay, maybe a little worse. But generally the same. The reason for my extended absence is long and complicated, involving a great white shark, three (not one or two) lazer battles with invading aliens, a cupcake, Rainbow Brite, some Valium, more than a healthy amount of Viagra, and tons upon tons of explosives. I won't bore you with the details, but let's just say it was an exciting time in my life. After all that got finished the internet went out here and we went to my grandma's house, which is not exactly internet friendly. A lightning storm killed our internet. So we got back from grandma's house and the internet was still broken. So I called our local Comcast representative (in India) and he answered in a well trained American, but still very recognizably Indian accent, and told me his name was William. I don't know many people from that area of the world, but I'm pretty sure William is not a common name there. But hey, what do I know. So then the guy came to fix it today (we'll call him Keith, because that's his name) and I couldn't understand a word he was saying even though his native language is English. And I'm not being racist or anything, maybe he couldn't understand me. So I made some guesses about what the hell he was talking about and soon enough we had a new modem and the internet was back. So to celebrate this glorious occasion, I'm writing this.

This is a good room. It's big and it's private. It is spacious and has a big comfy bed. It never gets light. It is the perfect bedroom except for all the bugs. Leslie calls me a wuss but seriously, there's a crapload of bugs down here and I'm sure that they feed on my soul while I sleep. Spiders the likes of which you've never seen, and little flying bugs that walk on the monitor. I think I saw one of the spiders eating a neighborhood cat the other day. I think this weekend the bugs will meet Mr. Vacuum (I won the spelling bee in third or fourth grade on that word). Then we'll see who's boss.

If anyone has an opinion on flautas, the mexican food, I would like that opinion. I'd like to try them, but I don't want it to suck.

New stuff? Why yes, I do have some. Audio Karate's new CD, Rancid's first CD, and Eurotrip on DVD. And now my money will begin to be saved for Leslie's trip because she might not have the money at hand to buy a ticket to come out here. I know what you're saying, Cam, she's trying to scam me into paying for her ticket. And that may well be. But it's a chance I'll have to take. I'd set up a Paypal account for donations if you all weren't such cheap bastards. And if I had any idea how to do that. But she promises she'll pay me back, so we'll see.

Still no job. It ain't happening. I developed a theory not too long ago. Places won't hire me because I'm ugly. Employers know that everyone likes good looking people. And if a place has an entire staff comprised of models and porn stars, people will come back because they like looking at them. Nobody likes looking at me, and the employers know that. I won't bring business back. So I'm developing a bill to propose to Congress about equal rights for ugly people. If anyone else wants in to my project, I'd love the help.

Ronal Reagan is dead. His funeral is on TV on 9 channels every day like 24 hours a day. This is ridiculous. Leslie's mom was yelling about it in the background on the phone tonight and I talked to her about how I was mad about it too. That was weird. But yeah, it's overkill. I could maybe watch some hilights, sportscenter style at night, but the live coverage of a casket draped in a flag being marched down the street at 2 miles an hour is just too much. Presidents don't die every day, but neither do astronauts, and astronauts don't take up all the TV time. That's it for now.