Doesn't the music during the Xtreme Bowflex commercial (not "Extreme," mind you, since 1. That's not cool and 2. That first E is a bitch to add in) sound like really, really, really bad porn music? The answer is "yes."

So I've decided there's one person that everyone (young or old, male or female, liberal or conservative) could agree should just go away forever: Donny Osmond. I can't imagine anyone five years from now going, "Boy, I'm really sad that Donny Osmond isn't around anymore." I mean, who likes this guy? Actually, I think the more important question is: Why would you like that guy?

Bad Santa looked like it would be just about the worst movie in the world. And now I have to watch commercials for it again, now that the DVD is coming out and it's Badder Santa. It's like they're admitting that this bad movie is now worse. Somehow.

Reno 911! was just on (a fairly okay show) and one of the characters referenced Encyclopedia Brown. That's awesome. I remember those books from way back when. I only had one, I think, maybe two, and I didn't even read them all that often, but still, that's great. And check out that diction: "referenced" right before "Encyclopedia." Man, that's good writing.

I think this has been the most random post I've made. Chickenpox wasn't fun.

I want to be like this guy Rich at work. He's something like 48 years old but acts like 20 year old. He's getting all excited about Pitch Black coming out (okay, that was a bad example of how cool he is), he's telling me how he stays up until 6 in the morning and wakes up at 3 in the afternoon. He's not worried about making something of himself in the world. He's been working for Papa John's something like 10 years now, and he seems to enjoy it. And that's really all I want, is just to be happy doing whatever I'm doing 20, 30 years from now. Even if it's something stupid like delivering pizzas.

You know what annoys the shit out of me? When I'm making myself a nice sandwich for lunch and I grab the stack of sliced cheese from the deli, only to discover that the slices of cheese are about as wide as a strand of hair. And I try to peel the top slice off the stack, but it's so thin that I break of a miniscule little piece instead of the whole slice of cheese. Then, working off that, I try to peel the rest of the slice off, but it takes forever since I can't get a clean grasp on the slice of cheese. Fifteen minutes later, I've got my slice of cheese finally on my piece of bread, but it's not a nice square slice, it's a bunch of these tiny little bits and pieces I've plastered together. Yeah, that shit's not cool. What's also not cool is the fact that probably no one has ever had this happen to them but me.

All right, enough randomness. I'm out of here. However, I will leave you with this thought: Apparently this new green ketchup stuff is doing okay. At least, I haven't heard reports to the contrary. So, if, in some crazy publicity stunt, pickles were dyed red, would you buy them?