Here's an interesting (?) fact I learned this weekend: If you use the auto-word select function for text messaging (you know, the one where you just hit the keys for the letters and the phone spits out the word you probably mean) and you want to say "Be at Brian's house," it will come up as "Be at asians house."

Here's an inside joke that you won't get unless you're one of three of my friends, but you might still find it funny if you like laughing at people you don't know: I ate at the Olive Garden this weekend for perhaps the third time in my life. It was, however, my first time eating there with Dan and Kim. Frankly, their behavior was downright embarrassing. (To let you in: Dan made this comment self-deprecatingly, to which my response was that I would blog about it. Here I am. And here I am, also proving the point that having to explain a joke is a surefire way to nullify its humor.)

On a serious note: I've used a colon in the first sentence of each paragraph.

But seriously: I had a nightmare last night. A substitute teaching nightmare. I was subbing a class and there was one kid who just wouldn't shut up. Moreover, he was cursing. I wanted to yell at this kid, to chew him out, but I physically could not raise my voice loud enough -- or sound angry enough -- to do so.

Another fact: I ended that sentence with three two-letter words that all end in an O. Unprofessional writers wouldn't even attempt shit like that.

But seriously again: People who interpret dreams, what the hell does my dream mean?

Yet another fact: Ending sentences with slant rhyme like that is a little thing my writing professors would call "bullshit." However, I like it. So there.

(In actuality: I don't think any of my writing professors have ever described anyone's writing as "bullshit." They are nice, generous people. People who wrote me recommendations to get into grad school. And for that, I should probably avoid slander.)

If you think this colon thing has gotten old: Too bad.