Health! It's amazing! (I'm on the Health ad council, and that's the best we've been able to come up with after fourteen days of work. Could be worse. Could be worse.)

I know I'm supposed to talk about Mardi Gras, and maybe I'll get around to that one day, but first I'd like to give you my list of Top 3 Game Show Hosts I'd Like to Punch in the Face. Now, true, I'm an advocate of non-violence. But these three guys... I tell you what. I see them and there's some sort of Darwinian instinct that makes me want to harm them. Without further ado...

1. Pat Sajak. Nothing you say will convince me otherwise: Pat Sajak is an asshole. Look at this guy. He's just oozing insincerity. If there's one thing a game show host should do, it's fake interest. But he's the worst at faking.

2. Chuck Woolery. Like Sajak, he's pretty bad at feigning interest. But he mixes in the sketchy perv element, then tops it off by being completely aloof at his own game. (I speak of Lingo. He also hosted that Greed show, too, I believe, but I never watched it.) Seriously, I don't know of a single game show host that would play his or her own game as poorly as Chuck would. He has a horrible grasp on the English language!

3. Donny Osmond. While Sajak and Woolery can't fake it enough, Osmond goes on some sort of faking binge. I cannot take anything he says seriously. When he's hosting Pyramid, he has to read those mind-dumbening puns (are there any other kind?) and then he does that Donny Osmond laugh. And yes, that's right. Mind-dumbening. I'm making up a new word to describe the atrocious puns that someone, I'm led to believe, actually put time and effort into compiling. Throw in the fact that these episodes are all reruns of washed-up B or C-list celebrities from yesteryear, and this show makes me cry for numerous reasons.

Perhaps what you would consider an surprising omission from the list: Rodger Lodge. Here's my take on Rodge Lodge. I think he's goofy as hell, but at least it seems like he's having fun. That's more than I can say for the other three fellows. And his name kinda rhymes, so really, I can't help but smile.

I swear I don't constantly watch the Game Show Network.