Taking a cue from Adam, technology seems to be the current topic of conversation. That got me to thinking what it would be like If Cell Phones Were Around During Key Points In American History:

Signing of the Declaration of Independence

A stifling hot July 4th. The room is packed with exhausted men, all listening to John Hancock.

JOHN HANCOCK: Let me be the first to sign it. I want King George to see my signature at the top of-

Thomas Jefferson’s ringtone, Yankee Doodle, goes off. He sheepishly pulls out his cell phone and silences the ring.

THOMAS JEFFERSON (whispering to those around him): Sorry. Sorry.

Louisiana Purchase

Robert Livingston and the Marquees de Barbé-Marbois sit in a French café, eating lunch and discussing the land deal.

LIVINGSTON: As you know, the United States is willing to offer you a great deal of money for New Orleans.

BARBÉ-MARBOIS (blowing him off): Yeah, yeah. Listen, we’re willing to give you all of the Louisiana territory. When we get back to the embassy we can discuss the specifics.

LIVINGSTON (shocked, then signals for the waitress. His voice cracking slightly): Check, please.

The waitress places the check on the table.

LIVINGSTON: This one’s on me.

BARBÉ-MARBOIS: Why thank you.

LIVINGSTON: No, thank you.

He glances the check over, then pulls out his cell phone.

LIVINGSTON (mumbling to himself): Fifteen percent of...

He looks up, notices Barbé-Marbois staring at him, then glances back to his cell phone.

LIVINGSTON: Twenty percent...

Westward Expansion

Lewis and Clark on the Oregon Trail. They’re at the top of a mountain, overlooking the vast western territory. Lewis checks his phone.

LEWIS: Shit.

CLARK: What?

LEWIS: I’m roaming again.

CLARK: Sucks.

LEWIS: You have service?

CLARK: Nah.

They both turn and look at Sacagawea, chatting on her phone.

LEWIS: We’ve gotta switch providers.

Lincoln Assassination

A text message from one of the patrons at Ford’s Theatre: “omg omg omg AL shot in head. ttyl.”

Warren G. Harding’s Affair with Carrie Fulton Philips

Mr. and Mrs. Harding are entertaining dinner guests. Everyone’s a little tipsy, if not more.

MRS. HARDING: Darling, hand me your phone. I want to show everyone pictures of Rex.

Harding hands over his cell phone. Mrs. Harding cycles through the photos.

MRS. HARDING: Here he is running around on the lawn. And here he is in the Oval Office. And this one...

The guests gasp. Mrs. Harding drops the phone.

HARDING: What? What is it?

Kennedy Assassination

In addition to the Zapruder footage, a Dallas local, one Edward Bartlet, captures the assassination on his camera phone. Bartlet’s angle reveals the true location of the assassin (or assassins). Unfortunately, because his video is blurrier than Zapruder’s, it becomes inadmissible evidence.