Jared Leto, we need to talk. As a close personal friend to Jared (or "Jerry" or "JL," as I like to call him), I know he reads this blog every day. Even the days we don't update, Jared Leto is here, reading old posts and laughing in that Jared Leto way.

So, Jerry. Look. I hate to be the messenger here, but you're breaking one of the cardinal rules of attractive people: you're only allowed to be good at one thing. If (as according to your IMDB trivia page) you've been selected as one of People magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in the World, you're only allowed one demonstrable skill. For most people that's acting or modeling. But you can't be both an actor AND a musician. That's just not fair. I'm not saying you can't do both -- it's nice to have hobbies -- but your band is not allowed to be successful and have world tours. Look at Kevin Bacon. He's a musician. But no one cares about his music. That's the way it should be.

(That was a long walk just to take a dig at Kevin Bacon. I apologize.)

Speaking of music, Adam, you have a USB turntable, right? That means you can convert vinyl to mp3s? If so, there are a couple 7"s I think I'll bring with me on my trip. Did you ever get the first Fingers Cut Megamachine 7"? The 4-song one? It's one of my favorite FCM releases. I'd love to have those four songs as mp3s. There's also a Races to April 7" with a song I don't think they ever made an mp3 of. And maybe a couple others, if I dig through the rest of my 7"s.

Speaking of taking digs at people, I'd like to introduce a new meme that I think could catch on like those Chuck Norris jokes. Everybody likes slander, libel, and defamation, right? Who doesn't?!?!?!?!?! Well, I've discovered that the best person to use for a slanderous statement is Ezra Pound. Non-English majors recognize the name and maybe read a poem or two of his in high school, but they wouldn't be able to tell you which one. Even English majors and poets don't seem to be terribly fond of him (I made this up just now to make my point appear stronger). Here are a few examples of ways to make this fun and exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--When Ezra Pound goes to the bathroom, he leaves the toilet seat up. (True.)
--Ezra Pound doesn't tip when he orders delivery... even on rainy days!
--Ezra Pound translated Japanese poetry without knowing any Japanese. (This might actually be true and was the catalyst for this whole idea.)
--If you hate poetry, it's probably because of Ezra Pound.
--Ezra Pound feels prejudice towards "the ethnics."
--Ezra Pound is an odd-looking motherfucker. (This isn't slander because it's true. Do a Google image search.)

Speaking of my trip to Denver, this news story is incredibly reassuring. Especially since I'll be flying out of JFK.

Finally, speaking of sexism (because when is a post of mine NOT about sexism? [Go back to the kitchen, honey.]), if you've ever wondered if a woman could demean her entire gender within the first six seconds of an advertisement, look no further.