Well, shit. Adam’s recent posts make my teeny-tiny updates look like jokes. Like fortune-cookie aphorisms. Like movie taglines. Well, it’s time to remedy that. That’s right, the change train is a’comin’. And it’s chock-full of apostrophe-lovin’, consonant-droppin’ fun. This is going to be the most extensive post I’ve written since... three posts ago? (So, basically, if I’m over 150 words, I’m solid. [Almost halfway there! Nice!])

I’m glad to hear that Grandma Jones is recovering well. I kind of felt like a Nanny McPhee (trademark, Jesse Hempen, 2006), knowing that she was in the hospital while I was here talking about cereal or Hugh Grant movies. (Actually, I’d feel like a Nanny McPhee talking about Hugh Grant movies no matter what the circumstance, but that’s beside the point.) There are two things that I wanted to mention:

1. I believe people own exclusive rights to their grief and it shouldn’t be exploited. Meaning, I wasn’t going to talk about Adam’s grandma before he did, if he would at all. But, to apply this rule more generally, I’m tired of groups of people (i.e. the media, political parties) capitalizing on other people’s tragedy. I’m thinking of Michael Jackson. I’m thinking of the 9-11 widows. I’m thinking of Terri Schiavo. Hell, I’m even thinking of Tiger Woods. Sometimes it’s okay to just let things be. Convey the news and move on. Which leads me to...

2. Things will move on, eventually. So, yeah, I kind of felt like a jackass posting innocuous updates in light of the circumstance, but I think distractions –- the not-tragedy among the tragedy –- are important. Not to downplay the seriousness of the situation, of course, but simply to emphasize something that’s not grief, that’s not pain, that’s not despair, that’s not misery. It’s okay to have reminders that there’s something else out there. (Or maybe you disagree and think I’m merely bullshitting a self-justification to mention my [actually quite good] Cher impersonation.)

I don’t know if any of that made sense, since I was speaking in a vague/not-specific/ambiguous way about something I know all too specifically. Whatever. But to play devil’s advocate to my own argument: Isn’t that exploitation sometimes worthwhile? For instance, with Terri Schiavo, it entailed a discussion of euthanasia, patients’ rights, the authority of family/loved-ones to make decisions for another when that person is unable to, etc. To which I say: Yes, it’s healthy to debate these issues. But, one, we shouldn’t require a specific, case-in-point situation in order to spark these discussions. Why not debate euthanasia without name-dropping Schiavo? And two, I think loved-ones –- the ones who are actually enduring the tragedy -– should be the ones to relinquish their grief, not outside groups like the media. But even that gets a little iffy, to me. Remember Cindy Sheehan? I agree with her agenda, but I still find it off-putting, even when she, herself, was the one to willingly abdicate her tragedy. (I’m not sure if “abdicate” is the right word, but it’s a smart-sounding word that I don’t think I’ve ever used before, so I felt it was time.)

What I would like to say: I have always considered Adam’s grandparents better grandparents than my own. On my dad’s side, the language barrier prevented any sort of meaningful relationship from developing. As for my mom, her mother died before I was born. And we rarely saw her dad, my grandpa. Thus, growing up, Adam’s grandparents were the ones I saw most frequently and felt the most affection towards. Uno Hearts. Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies. Bologna sandwiches. Goddamn, those were good times.

I’d also like to say: Thanks, Adam, for taking one for the team and actually listening to Raditude. I simply cannot get past that godforsaken cover art. I know I’ve already mentioned three times how bad the cover is, but fuck. It’s bad. (On a side note, allmusic.com, my [once-respected] go-to music review site, gave Raditude 4.5 stars out of 5. To put that rating in perspective, that makes Raditude just as good, in their opinion, as The Who’s Tommy, Guns and Roses’ Use Your Illusion (both I and II), and The Beatles’ Let It Be. It also makes Raditude, in their opinion, half a star better than Lucero’s Tennessee, That Much Further West, and 1372 Overton Park, as well as –- and this just kills me -– one full star better than The Avett Brothers' I and Love and You.)

737 words! A real update!