I’ve been undergoing what you could call a research project recently. When The Onion’s top albums of the year came out, and I had heard very few of them, I decided I wanted to hear what was going on in music this year. My difficulty in coming up with a Top 10 Albums of 2009 list made me feel like maybe I was losing my grip on the music scene. I mean, it happens to everyone eventually. How many grandparents do you know listening to Paramore? Probably not many. Or you just have really hip grandparents. So, courtesy of lala.com, I have been going through several top albums of the year lists and listening to the albums, or as much as I can until my ears start bleeding. The disturbing results conclusively point to me not understanding or liking where indie music is heading right now. I focused on indie music because, let’s face it, mainstream music will never be anything other than catchy bubblegum pop music to appeal to the masses’ urge to shake their asses. My ass doesn’t shake (except I guess it does because the fat in it probably wobbles, but I think you get what I’m saying, and I also think you probably didn’t need that image), so I’m forced to rely on the indie scene to reach deep into my body and touch me (you probably didn’t need that image either). It seems to me that the music scene that’s popular right now is this electronic driven ambient music that sounds like high pitched monks chanting over the sounds of a busy freeway.

The album that overwhelmingly dominated Top lists was definitely Animal Collective’s “Merriweather Post Pavilion.” Because of its astounding popularity amongst the indie giants, I was willing to give it two chances. The first time I didn’t like it. The songs sounded fuzzy, there was no energy, and it seemed less like a band and more like a couple of guys who just discovered that computers can make noises. So I researched a little more, and there was literally not a single person in this entire world that thought MPP was any less than an earth-shaking revelation of an album, destined to be ranked with OK Computer, Abbey Road, Dark Side of the Moon, Appetite for Destruction, Ziggy Startdust, etc. as one of history’s great albums. Knowing now what I was getting myself into, I dove headfirst into the song that was supposed to make all other songs seem like chimps screaming while scratching their fingernails down chalkboards, “My Girls.” Having listened to the song the whole way through twice, I can now say for sure that today’s music critics and fans are impressed by two guys who just discovered that computers can make noises. This band sounds like you’re listening to an analog radio that isn’t quite tuned into a station, so some music is kind of coming through but it’s buried behind a wall of static. It’s not catchy, it’s not talented, and it doesn’t sound good.

Okay, so maybe I’m not in the Animal Collective camp. Not everyone is destined to like every band, right? There are people out there who think the Beatles made bad music. So, onto the next standout from the Top lists: Pheonix’s “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix.” While not the second coming of the Christ that APP was supposed to be, this one purports to be some kind of French indie-rock genius. And, having listened to it twice, I am prepared to bring everyone back down to Earth: It’s harmless pop music that would feel right at home on the radio. It’s not bad. It’s not particularly good. It’s dancey, which I don’t really like. Kind of like a more stomach-able version of Franz Ferdinand. But I don’t hear anything here that makes me like this any more than the newest inoffensive mainstream rock record.

All right, so on to the next: Grizzly Bear’s “Veckatimest.” I’m starting to catch onto a trend here. This is nearly indistinguishable from Animal Collective. It’s electronic noises, guys who can’t really sing, songs that meander but don’t go anywhere, or climax, or swell, or fade. Just what I’m now calling “indie music.” And it’s about this point in my listening that I realize something. I’m not really into where music is headed right now. There’s a reason I didn’t find much new music in 2009. There’s not much new music coming out right now that I like. I used to think I was a pretty open-minded guy when it came to music. My tastes have certainly diversified from when I was in high school and early college when it was punk punk punk. But I see a trend happening here where we’re getting away from traditional song structures and instruments, and that’s all well and good, but when you sacrifice music for the sake of art, I can’t get behind that. I’m all for trying new things if the results are good, but much like splattering paint on canvas is not art, neither is making weird sounds “music.”

That said, I found some value in bands I hadn’t listened to before, like Dirty Projectors (the first song on Bitte Orca is excellent, and the rest is too arty), Florence and the Machine, Tune-Yards (I refuse to capitalize her band the way she does) and… uh… yeah. I also found completely mediocre music from bands like Cass McCombs, Japandroids, St. Vincent, and Girls, music that entered and left my brain within seconds. Checking out the Punknews Top lists, I was shown just how narrow-minded I am. Polar Bear Club’s “Chasing Hamburg,” a well-above-average punk record resonated much more with me than the world-changing Merriweather Post Pavilion. Thrice’s new album “Beggars,” a mature, well-written and –played album that’s surely their strongest since The Illusion of Safety, has much more meaning than the surface level pop music on “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix.” I guess I just like what I like. Music, played with instruments, with good lyrics and good energy. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.