You know, for all the bad things about drug dealers, I bet they’re really good drivers. They don’t want to crash or get pulled over and have someone find their drugs. So the next time you see an asshole driving a big SUV, talking on her cell phone, weaving between lanes and varying her speed by 15 miles an hour every few minutes, just think to yourself how much better off your drive would be if you were surrounded by drug dealers.

Are you feeling pretty good about that thousand dollars you just spent after finally caving into the HDTV trend? How would you like to spend another thousand, or maybe two, sometime in the next year? Well, you’re in luck! The people who just took your money on a new TV sometime in the last couple of years are back to take more of your money with their next big thing: 3DTV. Just in case you thought your family looked a little too non-brainwashed sitting around together staring at a box with pictures on it, soon you’ll be able to look like a freaky cult by wearing your own 3-D glasses at home while staring at a box! If you’re like me and you went and saw Avatar in 3-D and you turned around and looked at the mass of people all wearing identical yellow glasses staring at the same screen and you thought “Wow, that’s a little terrifying looking, but totally awesome,” you’re in luck! And if after two and a half hours of wearing those glasses, you noticed you were feeling a little high from the fact that they’re ridiculously uncomfortable and cut off about half the circulation to your brain, and you thought “I wish I could wear uncomfortable glasses like this at home too,” you’re in luck! So basically, if you have too much money, and love looking weird and being uncomfortable, your ship is about to come in. 3DTV is on the way later this year.

In case you can’t tell, I’m skeptical about this new “revolution” in TV for a few reasons. The main thing is comfort level. If I’m sitting on the couch watching TV for a few hours (shut up, you do it too sometimes), I don’t really want to have to wear glasses to watch the TV, or goggles, or whatever viewing device you’re required to wear to watch the thing. It’s also hard for me to believe that many shows need to be viewed in 3D. I have never watched a football game and wished it were in 3D, yet ESPN is one of the first channels broadcasting in 3D. If there’s any sacrifice to picture quality, which I imagine there has to be, I’d rather stick with my crystal clear 2D HDTV I have right now. Another thing is price. Everyone just shelled out hundreds or thousands of dollars to get an HDTV recently, and now they’re following that up so quickly with a new kind of TV? Sounds like a money-grab to me. But I’ve been skeptical of 3D even in the movies, and I still am, even having experienced the glory that was Avatar in 3D. That movie was so sick, and the 3D really helped pull me in. That said, I’m still not hankering to see another 3D movie.

Danny and I went to Blackhawk on a whim yesterday to gamble. I sat down at a $10 blackjack table and promptly lost $60. Then after a couple beers, I went to a craps table and promptly lost $60 (but I rolled the dice better than I ever have before). Then I went to a $5 blackjack table, which is much more my speed, and promptly lost $40. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my last $30 and laid it on the table. I worked this $30 into a little more than $100. Once I get $100 at a casino I turn it into a black chip which I put in my pocket and save. Ever since I started gambling I’d marveled at people who could spend $100 on a hand of cards, or throw thousands onto a craps table. So, four or five beers in, I decided that last night was the night. I lost all my extra $5 chips and was down to my black $100 chip. I declared that this was something I had always wanted to do, and I slid that $100 chip into the betting circle. Danny screamed at me not to do it, but my mind was made up. For one glorious minute I was going to be a high roller. The dealer exclaimed “WHAT!?” and I nodded confidently. He dealt me my first card, and my heart leapt when I saw an ace. Everyone at the table got anxious. The dealer dealt my second card face down, so that I would have to wait until everyone else had played to see if I had gotten a blackjack. But, he showed Danny the card first, and Danny exclaimed “No!” and started laughing. Then he acted like maybe he was lying. But sure enough, when that second card turned up a face card and I’d gotten a blackjack on my $100 bid, the table erupted. I won $250 on a single hand of cards, and my life was complete. I took that $250, went on a streak like I couldn’t believe, and left with $390. It was so awesome. You really should have been there.