Last Thursday I saw this headline on CNN:
“If a third of people wind up catching swine flu, 15 states could run out of hospital beds around the time the outbreak peaks, a new report warns Thursday.”

Terrifying! The fear I felt caused me to create these horrifying, equally likely headlines:

-If a meteor crashes into earth, hospitals in several countries could be busy, a new report warns Thursday.

-If Jesus Christ comes back and raptures the worthy, there will be several hundred fewer people on Earth, a new report warns Thursday.

-If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands, OR ELSE, a new report warns Thursday.

-If people listen to the ridiculous media coverage of swine flu, people could freak out about a virus that is no worse than the normal flu and write ridiculous reports, a new report warns Thursday.

-If everyone in the world stops having sex for no reason, the human race could die out within a generation, a new report warns Thursday.

Watch out for the swine flu! If we all die, we'll ALL BE DEAD! Good luck sleeping tonight!