Hark! A triumphant return! Queue the fanfare! Queue the flourish! Queue the excessive use of exclamation points! Roll out the red carpet! Dress to the nines! Drink up!

Okay, let's calm down some. So I'm back, whatever. It's not like anyone cares.

Oh, hey Brian of 2004-2006. Boy, you sure were angsty and way too self-deprecating back then.

Whatever. I hate everyone. EVERYONE.

Even me, from the future?

Well-

Shut up, you're stupid.

Hey-

No, I'm serious. I don't even know the full extent of your stupidity. Because, honestly, I'm too ashamed to even read all of those old posts. I'm glad they're around for posterity's sake, but if you're just stumbling upon this blog, then let's let the past be the past, shall we?

So that's it? I'm just gone? I don't exist?

Well, sure, you still exist, I guess. But I don't think we'll be hearing from you too much anymore.

Oh, like my life is all of a sudden going to be perfect in 2009?

No. Some things will still be the same, but a lot of things will change.

Yeah? Like what?

Well, you know that very last post you made, back in July of 2006?

Yeah.

You made a mock SAT question.

Sure. It was a stupid joke and no one laughed at it because it wasn't funny and no one cares and it was a stupid joke.

Shut up. You already said that. Anyway, it's rather coincidental that you did that, because a year later, you'll end up working for Kaplan as an SAT-prep teacher.

No way.

Yeah.

Shut the fuck up.

I'm serious.

Wow, that sounds SO exciting.

There again with the cynicism.

It's what I do. In 2004 I'm still a stupid 20-year-old.

All right, all right.

But hey, I think there's something that we still have in common, me of 2009.

Yeah? What's that?

I probably still won't want to talk about my personal life on the blog.

Hey, for a stupid 20-year-old punk kid, you're not completely worthless.

Is that self-deprecation I hear?

Shit. It's time for you to go now. That old Brian isn't even part of this blog. I forgot his sign-in info. This is the new Brian, complete with functional username and password.

Arg. (Here the Brian of 2004 grumbles a lot and does other angsty things.)

That's nice. Why don't you go to a bar, buy yourself a beer, and drink your sorrows away?

Because-

Because you're not old enough to buy alcohol, that's right!

You're a dick.

Shut up.



It's nice to be back.