Yes, as Brian has pointed out, I have been long absent from this here blog. I would explain why, but the government has asked that I not detail my exact whereabouts and whatabouts for the past week or two or however long it's been. (I could check to see how long it's been, but that would require clicking on a couple of things, and really, who has time for that? It's much easier to write long winded parentheticals explaining why I'm too lazy to do something that would take half as long as what I'm actually doing.) You wouldn't believe it, though. That paragraph from Brian's last post, for me to copy and paste, I had pretty much written that entire thing verbatim and then checked the blog, and went "Damn you, Brian! How well you know me!" So I scratched that and am writing this. Whatever this is.

So, to herald my return, I would like to present you with two lists of four things that bother me. I came up with these lists at work on November 17. I thought you should know that because it proves that I think about updating this at work, but then when I get home, I forget for five days. So:

Things that bother me in the bathroom at work:

1. Putting the toilet paper on top of the roll when you need a new one:
Okay, so you use up the last of the toilet paper on the roll. It's okay. We all do that sometimes. And, you showed either the foresight to bring a new roll into the bathroom with you, or the follow-through to walk over to the closet after you were done using the bathroom and get a new roll. But how lazy do you have to be to not put the roll on the... roller. Or whatever. Maybe you don't understand how to get the thing off to reinstall the new roll. You just have to push one side of the roller in, and it'll go into itself, and you can slide it right out. Then you put the roll of toilet paper on the roller, push the side back in, and press it back into place. Pretty cool, huh?

2. Putting the toilet paper on so the roll comes under instead of over:
I've never understood why people put the roll back on so that the end of the roll comes out from under, instead of coming over the top. If anyone can please explain why you like to make it harder on yourself to get the toilet paper you want, please let me know in the comments section below. Seriously. I'm interested.

3. Using all the paper towels and not replacing them:
I do realize that we work in a huuuuge office, and walking from one extreme side to the other requires about 15 seconds of your time. So I totally understand how you might not think you have enough time to go get more paper towels from the closet. Hell, by the time you walk over to the closet, which is on the far side of the office, get the paper towels, and walk back to the bathroom, you'll have wasted damn near 45 seconds out of your busy day. But those of us who use the bathroom after you don't particularly like wiping our hands on our pants, so if using nearly a full minute of your time to refill the paper towels bothers you ethically so much, feel free to stay a minute late after work to make up the time. But restock the paper towels.

4. Getting water all over the counter:
Who are you? Why don't you know how to wash your hands? There's like a big bowl with a hole in it in the middle of the counter. That's called the "sink." The idea is to get the water in the sink. The soap is outside of the sink, but you can grab the soap without dumping ten gallons of water all over the counter by... well, by being a normal person. Same for when you go to dry your hands afterward. I've never seen so much water everywhere, so consistently.


Things that bother me at concerts:

1. Showing up late and jockeying to get the best spot in the house:
Show up on time, watch the opening acts, or accept your place in the back behind the seven foot tall man with a two foot afro.

2. Talking:
Why do you pay upwards of 30 bucks to go talk over really loud music? You can do that at home for free. Or, as an alternative, you can talk in a normal voice over no music. Either way, to those of us who actually paid money to listen to the music, your talking is really rude and annoying.

3. Wearing the shirt you just bought:
I don't know why, but there's something totally lame about going to the front and paying $30 for a shirt, then putting it on like you're some kind of super fan. Really, if you were a fan of the band, you would have had a shirt coming in. Or, you'd just not wear the band's shirt, like a normal person. We all know who you're here to see. Wear a shirt that tells us who else you like.

4. Scene kids:
Cut your hair, buy clothes that fit, and listen to music because you like the music, not the style.

I'll try to not be gone for so long between this award winning post and the next. And I will continue not using hyphens between words and phrases that should be hypenated. That's Brian's job around here.