Adam: First of all, that story is crazy. I think that would really freak me out, if someone tried to open my door while I was sleeping. Not cool.
Second, (and most importantly), you've read about this Bad Astronaut mini-tour, yes? A whopping four dates, all in California? I've always thought it was a bit much, people coming from other parts of the country just for a show, but I'd be willing to make the trek for Bad Astronaut. What about you? If we could get tickets, would you be willing to go out to California? Either do a little road trip from Denver, or just meet up there? What do you say? Dates are (in case you haven't seen them) July 8-11.
Okay. That's about it for now. Oh, good news: That Octavia Butler book, Dawn, the last book I have to read this semester? It's actually pretty decent. For sci-fi, it's pretty good. The cringes have been kept to a minimum, which is nice. All right. It's Friday. Holla.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Once upon a time, last night at about midnight, I woke to hear a pounding on my door. It went knock knock. Then it went pound pound. Then the handle turned and someone tried to come in. So after laying in bed for five minutes waiting for whoever it was to go away, I decided to get up and check it out. Through my peephole I saw a skinny, pale girl crying. My first thought, the good guy that I am, was that this girl might have been attacked or raped or something and might need help. I opened the door.
Through vacant eyes she told me she thought this was her apartment. I told her no, this is my apartment. I was fairly certain about this since all my stuff is in it, and I was sleeping there. She wasn’t convinced. After an uncomfortable pause during which she tried to find words, she asked if this was the apartment that I had been assigned. I think she confused apartments with parking spaces. After I told her that I guess I was “assigned” this apartment (meaning I came here an signed a lease for this apartment), there was another silence. At this point I began to become aware that this girl was holding herself uncomfortably, and the thought occurred to me that she was probably on drugs, and something harder than weed. She had been knocking and looking scared and crying because her dealer wasn’t opening the door to give her her next fix. She was coming down.
Last week after the Avett Brothers show I shared an elevator ride with a couple who I’m pretty sure were going to my floor for drugs. The girl in the elevator had the same look – sunken eyes, thin, green tinted skin. They asked me if I was going to Cole’s (which I took as Kohl’s, and subsequently wondered why I’d be going to Kohl’s at 12:30am and why these people would pick that store to ask me about). After I looked at them with a puzzled expression, they said “Oh, do you live here?” That was the first time I started to wonder if I had a drug dealer around the corner.
Anyway, last night, after several questions that seemed aimed at getting me to admit I was a dealer, the tweaker girl apologized for bothering me and wandered off. I laid in bed wide awake, my heart pounding. When the handle on the door turns and someone tries to come in when the door’s locked, the door still moves. The way everything in the apartment is so cheaply made, it’s not hard for me to imagine that if someone really shoved to get in, they could bust through. And if I’m going to have coke heads and tweakers stopping by in a rage as they come down, that’s not that hard to imagine happening. I’ve stationed golf clubs around the apartment to use to bust some heads if someone comes in, but I doubt my flabby golf club swings will do much to stop a raging meth head.
Just as I was drifting back to sleep, I heard the doorknob turn and someone try to shoulder her way into my apartment again. Then it was quiet. If this happens again, I’m asking to be released from my lease so I can go live somewhere that actually cares about the safety of its tenants.
Real quick, Arizona. Really? I agree that something needs to be done about illegal immigrants, especially down there (I’ve been there, I’ve seen it, it’s not pretty). But giving cops the license to harass anyone who doesn’t look like they just came back from the local KKK meeting is not the way to do it. Cops are terrible people. The last thing these power tripping megalomaniacs needs is license to discriminate against anyone they want to without any cause other than “suspicious behavior.”
Through vacant eyes she told me she thought this was her apartment. I told her no, this is my apartment. I was fairly certain about this since all my stuff is in it, and I was sleeping there. She wasn’t convinced. After an uncomfortable pause during which she tried to find words, she asked if this was the apartment that I had been assigned. I think she confused apartments with parking spaces. After I told her that I guess I was “assigned” this apartment (meaning I came here an signed a lease for this apartment), there was another silence. At this point I began to become aware that this girl was holding herself uncomfortably, and the thought occurred to me that she was probably on drugs, and something harder than weed. She had been knocking and looking scared and crying because her dealer wasn’t opening the door to give her her next fix. She was coming down.
Last week after the Avett Brothers show I shared an elevator ride with a couple who I’m pretty sure were going to my floor for drugs. The girl in the elevator had the same look – sunken eyes, thin, green tinted skin. They asked me if I was going to Cole’s (which I took as Kohl’s, and subsequently wondered why I’d be going to Kohl’s at 12:30am and why these people would pick that store to ask me about). After I looked at them with a puzzled expression, they said “Oh, do you live here?” That was the first time I started to wonder if I had a drug dealer around the corner.
Anyway, last night, after several questions that seemed aimed at getting me to admit I was a dealer, the tweaker girl apologized for bothering me and wandered off. I laid in bed wide awake, my heart pounding. When the handle on the door turns and someone tries to come in when the door’s locked, the door still moves. The way everything in the apartment is so cheaply made, it’s not hard for me to imagine that if someone really shoved to get in, they could bust through. And if I’m going to have coke heads and tweakers stopping by in a rage as they come down, that’s not that hard to imagine happening. I’ve stationed golf clubs around the apartment to use to bust some heads if someone comes in, but I doubt my flabby golf club swings will do much to stop a raging meth head.
Just as I was drifting back to sleep, I heard the doorknob turn and someone try to shoulder her way into my apartment again. Then it was quiet. If this happens again, I’m asking to be released from my lease so I can go live somewhere that actually cares about the safety of its tenants.
Real quick, Arizona. Really? I agree that something needs to be done about illegal immigrants, especially down there (I’ve been there, I’ve seen it, it’s not pretty). But giving cops the license to harass anyone who doesn’t look like they just came back from the local KKK meeting is not the way to do it. Cops are terrible people. The last thing these power tripping megalomaniacs needs is license to discriminate against anyone they want to without any cause other than “suspicious behavior.”
Monday, April 26, 2010
Here's the Avett Brothers setlist from last Tuesday. Solid. And, it was almost completely different from the last time I saw them, which is cool. A lot of bands kind of have the set songs from their old albums that they play, but it seems like these guys switch it up a good amount. I Killed Sally's Lover rocked. I could have done without Yardsale or Bella Donna, and replaced them with two better songs from the Gleams, but whatever.
A CAROLINA JUBILEE:
Love Like the Movies
I Killed Sally's Lover
MIGNONETTE:
Swept Away
The New Love Song
FOUR THIEVES GONE:
The Fall (opener)
Colorshow
Denouncing November Blue
THE GLEAM:
Yardsale
EMOTIONALISM:
Shame
Salina
THE SECOND GLEAM:
Bella Donna (encore)
I AND LOVE AND YOU:
I and Love and You
January Wedding
Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise
Kick Drum Heart
Tin Man
Incomplete and Insecure (closer)
Laundry Room (encore and awesome)
They also played two new songs, both of which featured the banjo and no piano! I think they're new, anyway. I have all their albums and I don't have these two songs. They were both really good, so here's hoping there's a little more banjo on this next album.
A CAROLINA JUBILEE:
Love Like the Movies
I Killed Sally's Lover
MIGNONETTE:
Swept Away
The New Love Song
FOUR THIEVES GONE:
The Fall (opener)
Colorshow
Denouncing November Blue
THE GLEAM:
Yardsale
EMOTIONALISM:
Shame
Salina
THE SECOND GLEAM:
Bella Donna (encore)
I AND LOVE AND YOU:
I and Love and You
January Wedding
Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise
Kick Drum Heart
Tin Man
Incomplete and Insecure (closer)
Laundry Room (encore and awesome)
They also played two new songs, both of which featured the banjo and no piano! I think they're new, anyway. I have all their albums and I don't have these two songs. They were both really good, so here's hoping there's a little more banjo on this next album.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Let's talk books. It's been a while since we've discussed the topic. I haven't had to read as many novels for my classes this semester, but the books I have had to read have been -- to put it mildly -- atrocious. Abominations. Abhorrent. Maybe a fourth "a" word that's equally as bad. That's how bad they've been.
Okay, so they're not THAT bad, but they're not that good, either. The problem is, coming off the tails of last semester's Nearly Perfect Reading List, the stuff I've had to read this semester pales in comparison. To note:
Frank Norris' The Octopus: The first book assigned this semester, we were supposed to read this 500-something page novel in one week. Yeah, right. It's a turn-of-the-century novel about the railroad companies railroading helpless Californian farmers. Kind of like an early-20th century The Wire. Except, instead of being cool like The Wire, it's just needlessly verbose and super slow. (Though, I guess critics of The Wire would say the same thing.) If Norris had chopped 200 pages from the final draft, I might've liked this one a lot more than I did.
William Faulkner's "The Bear": Yeah, it's Faulkner, and yeah, it's cool, but can a brother get a "What the fuck?" when it comes to that fourth section? I actually thought it was the most interesting part of the story, albeit the most confusing. Still, this is not a story you can read on the subway. Don't try it. You won't understand anything. (Assuming you'll actually comprehend something even under the best reading circumstances.)
Barbara Kingsolver's Prodigal Summer: The setting of this novel is somewhere in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. Thus, I enjoyed the rural/Southern nods to the wilderness or places like Krogers. What I did not enjoy was the plodding pace of the story and the extremely irritating crotchety-old-man character. I know we're not supposed to like him, but Jesus. I just wanted to skip any section he was in, because I knew something he would think or say would piss me off. (I brought this book along with me on my trip to Denver. Two observations: One, I told Adam I wasn't a fan and showed him the cover. He said, "Yeah, I could've told you that." Two, when I ordered the book used online, I happened to get a large-print edition. That's cool, except for the fact that there are lots of sex scenes in the book. This made me feel very uncomfortable reading the book in public -- at the airport, on the plane, on the subway -- when people could easily glance over and read the 89-point font.)
Barbara Gowdy's The White Bone: This was the breaking point for me. I couldn't stand this book. One of the most frustrating things I've ever had to read in my life. I felt that every minute I spent reading this book was a minute I could've better spent doing anything else. Here's the deal: I think Gowdy has an interesting idea here -- telling a story from the point-of-view of a pack of African elephants. Cool. Unfortunately, this idea gets completely marred through its execution. There are WAY too many characters, all with bizarre names that make it incredibly hard to picture/differentiate one from another. Gowdy creates a pseudo-elephant language that requires the use of a six-page glossary. And, to me, anyway, it's just NOT THAT INTERESTING. Look, I'm not a fan of harvesting elephant tusks for ivory. That's fucked up. I don't need to read a novel from the point-of-view of elephants to know that. Nor do I need to read a novel from the point-of-view of elephants to know that they are intelligent, loyal creatures with their own kinship and customs. They're elephants -- they're fucking awesome. So it's a cool idea, I just don't quite see the utility in it, I suppose. (Edit: I just wanted to include a lovely excerpt from the novel to give you a sense of what it's like: "As he hurried along, his engorged penis bumped splashing on the ground... 'I am the biggest bull,' he murmured. She did not move. 'You are as fat as a water-boulder...'")
I have one more novel to go for this class -- Octavia Butler's Dawn. It's Sci-Fi, not my favorite genre in the world. I'm only 40 pages in, but so far it's been all right. The best book yet. But maybe that's because it's coming right after one of the most frustrating reading experiences I've ever had in my life. We'll see how it pans out.
To keep my sanity, I've been doing fun reading on the side: I'm re-reading Amy Hempel's Collected Stories; my sister got me an awesome book called Who Would Win?, one of those party-books to spark discussion; I also found a cheap used copy of The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, so I'm re-reading those comics. Thank god for good writing.
Okay, so they're not THAT bad, but they're not that good, either. The problem is, coming off the tails of last semester's Nearly Perfect Reading List, the stuff I've had to read this semester pales in comparison. To note:
Frank Norris' The Octopus: The first book assigned this semester, we were supposed to read this 500-something page novel in one week. Yeah, right. It's a turn-of-the-century novel about the railroad companies railroading helpless Californian farmers. Kind of like an early-20th century The Wire. Except, instead of being cool like The Wire, it's just needlessly verbose and super slow. (Though, I guess critics of The Wire would say the same thing.) If Norris had chopped 200 pages from the final draft, I might've liked this one a lot more than I did.
William Faulkner's "The Bear": Yeah, it's Faulkner, and yeah, it's cool, but can a brother get a "What the fuck?" when it comes to that fourth section? I actually thought it was the most interesting part of the story, albeit the most confusing. Still, this is not a story you can read on the subway. Don't try it. You won't understand anything. (Assuming you'll actually comprehend something even under the best reading circumstances.)
Barbara Kingsolver's Prodigal Summer: The setting of this novel is somewhere in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. Thus, I enjoyed the rural/Southern nods to the wilderness or places like Krogers. What I did not enjoy was the plodding pace of the story and the extremely irritating crotchety-old-man character. I know we're not supposed to like him, but Jesus. I just wanted to skip any section he was in, because I knew something he would think or say would piss me off. (I brought this book along with me on my trip to Denver. Two observations: One, I told Adam I wasn't a fan and showed him the cover. He said, "Yeah, I could've told you that." Two, when I ordered the book used online, I happened to get a large-print edition. That's cool, except for the fact that there are lots of sex scenes in the book. This made me feel very uncomfortable reading the book in public -- at the airport, on the plane, on the subway -- when people could easily glance over and read the 89-point font.)
Barbara Gowdy's The White Bone: This was the breaking point for me. I couldn't stand this book. One of the most frustrating things I've ever had to read in my life. I felt that every minute I spent reading this book was a minute I could've better spent doing anything else. Here's the deal: I think Gowdy has an interesting idea here -- telling a story from the point-of-view of a pack of African elephants. Cool. Unfortunately, this idea gets completely marred through its execution. There are WAY too many characters, all with bizarre names that make it incredibly hard to picture/differentiate one from another. Gowdy creates a pseudo-elephant language that requires the use of a six-page glossary. And, to me, anyway, it's just NOT THAT INTERESTING. Look, I'm not a fan of harvesting elephant tusks for ivory. That's fucked up. I don't need to read a novel from the point-of-view of elephants to know that. Nor do I need to read a novel from the point-of-view of elephants to know that they are intelligent, loyal creatures with their own kinship and customs. They're elephants -- they're fucking awesome. So it's a cool idea, I just don't quite see the utility in it, I suppose. (Edit: I just wanted to include a lovely excerpt from the novel to give you a sense of what it's like: "As he hurried along, his engorged penis bumped splashing on the ground... 'I am the biggest bull,' he murmured. She did not move. 'You are as fat as a water-boulder...'")
I have one more novel to go for this class -- Octavia Butler's Dawn. It's Sci-Fi, not my favorite genre in the world. I'm only 40 pages in, but so far it's been all right. The best book yet. But maybe that's because it's coming right after one of the most frustrating reading experiences I've ever had in my life. We'll see how it pans out.
To keep my sanity, I've been doing fun reading on the side: I'm re-reading Amy Hempel's Collected Stories; my sister got me an awesome book called Who Would Win?, one of those party-books to spark discussion; I also found a cheap used copy of The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, so I'm re-reading those comics. Thank god for good writing.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Record Store Day is like my own personal Christmas, except I buy myself presents, and the only fat guy in funny clothes is me. For those of you who don't know (which knowing the readership of this thing is no one), Record Store Day is that one magical day a year when bands put out super limited releases that are only available in independent record stores. So basically, it's for huge nerds to make themselves feel good about owning rare music in these precious few years we have left before the only way to buy music is online at iTunes.
Record Store Day was this past Saturday, and I was in Detroit, so I had Des pick me up some things. For CD's, I got a couple live albums from Manchester Orchestra and RX Bandits, and Weezer's "Raditude...Happy Record Store Day," which at five songs long (a song featuring Kenny G, a song featuring Sara Bareilles, a Green Day cover, an acoustic Buddy Holly, and a live Pinkerton song) is infinitely better than the actual Raditude. Then I got a John Lennon singles bag, which features better packaging than music, a 7" where Bon Iver and Peter Gabriel cover a song of each other's, a cool little two song Ted Leo 7" with two unreleased B-sides from the new album, a live Jimi Hendrix album, and a 7" from Against Me! that features an acoustic version of I Was a Teenage Anarchist that makes me think this new album is going to be very very polished and hook-heavy.
The best and most interesting release I got was The Mountain Goats DVD version of The Life of the World to Come. The CD was on my top 10 albums list last year, and this DVD features just John on the piano or guitar and playing the album in the auditorium of the school that he went to as a kid. It's a really cool idea, and the packaging is great, featuring a paragraph by John describing each song. During the song Matthew 25:21, one of the most emotionally devastating songs I've ever heard, his voice cracks with tears at the end, and it's really something special.
I think iTunes and the internet have killed music buying. You can get anything you want with a click of the mouse from basically any band. There's a special place in my memory for the years I spent hunting out the music that I found myself liking. I used to hunt out compilation CDs and find bands that I liked, then send off mailorder cards to the label with a money order, then waiting three weeks and finding a package filled with CDs.
I don't think I can explain it, but I can remember the feel of the packaging, the smell when I ripped it open, the sight of those CDs filling it up. I liked the stamp in the corner that told me that someone at this little record label personally filled this thing up with the music I wanted, stamped it, and wrote my name on it with a Sharpie. I felt a connection to music then. The search for new bands was exciting and difficult. The music was sent from a label that really cared - sometimes I would get a note thanking me for checking them out. Now I get on Lala and listen to everything in the world, then get on Amazon, buy whatever I want, and a week later get that standard Amazon box. It's much easier, but it's not the same. I honestly don't think kids from now on will be able to feel the connection that I felt back then to the music. Back then you really had to try to be into music that isn't popular. Now you just have to like the clothes.
Record Store Day was this past Saturday, and I was in Detroit, so I had Des pick me up some things. For CD's, I got a couple live albums from Manchester Orchestra and RX Bandits, and Weezer's "Raditude...Happy Record Store Day," which at five songs long (a song featuring Kenny G, a song featuring Sara Bareilles, a Green Day cover, an acoustic Buddy Holly, and a live Pinkerton song) is infinitely better than the actual Raditude. Then I got a John Lennon singles bag, which features better packaging than music, a 7" where Bon Iver and Peter Gabriel cover a song of each other's, a cool little two song Ted Leo 7" with two unreleased B-sides from the new album, a live Jimi Hendrix album, and a 7" from Against Me! that features an acoustic version of I Was a Teenage Anarchist that makes me think this new album is going to be very very polished and hook-heavy.
The best and most interesting release I got was The Mountain Goats DVD version of The Life of the World to Come. The CD was on my top 10 albums list last year, and this DVD features just John on the piano or guitar and playing the album in the auditorium of the school that he went to as a kid. It's a really cool idea, and the packaging is great, featuring a paragraph by John describing each song. During the song Matthew 25:21, one of the most emotionally devastating songs I've ever heard, his voice cracks with tears at the end, and it's really something special.
I think iTunes and the internet have killed music buying. You can get anything you want with a click of the mouse from basically any band. There's a special place in my memory for the years I spent hunting out the music that I found myself liking. I used to hunt out compilation CDs and find bands that I liked, then send off mailorder cards to the label with a money order, then waiting three weeks and finding a package filled with CDs.
I don't think I can explain it, but I can remember the feel of the packaging, the smell when I ripped it open, the sight of those CDs filling it up. I liked the stamp in the corner that told me that someone at this little record label personally filled this thing up with the music I wanted, stamped it, and wrote my name on it with a Sharpie. I felt a connection to music then. The search for new bands was exciting and difficult. The music was sent from a label that really cared - sometimes I would get a note thanking me for checking them out. Now I get on Lala and listen to everything in the world, then get on Amazon, buy whatever I want, and a week later get that standard Amazon box. It's much easier, but it's not the same. I honestly don't think kids from now on will be able to feel the connection that I felt back then to the music. Back then you really had to try to be into music that isn't popular. Now you just have to like the clothes.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Happy Birthday to Brian! Brian Kim was born in a small village on the outskirts of Kiltimagh, Ireland on this day back in 1941. He worked with his 14 siblings on a goat ranch growing up, and was named Miss Goat Ranch Kiltimagh in 1957. He was an accomplished goat cheeser and left Ireland for the US in 1959. He learned to speak real English at the Saint Mary's School for the Blind, and subsequently became a Buddhist monk. He lived in silence and secrecy and celibacy (not by choice) until 1988, when he met me and his life changed forever. Now Mr. Kim is a New Yorker, and his sour demeanor and giant middle finger have helped him become one of New York's most prominent graduate students. Let's all wish Mr. Miss Goat Ranch Kiltimagh 1957 Brian Kim a Happy Birthday!
I saw Lucero the other day. I think I might have seen them too much too fast, since Cam and I just went and saw them a couple months ago when they were here. And that show was better. This one the sound was just muddy. Still good though. Shooter Jennings' band Heirophant was first and they were okay for like 30 minutes, but they played for 90 FUCKING MINUTES! Opening bands, please note: You should shoot for 30 minutes. If you're a well known band, you can get away with 45. But nobody paid to see you play an hour and a half set, so don't waste our time. We put up with opening bands. We really want to see Lucero. Lucero played a very solid setlist, which included these songs:
ATTIC TAPES + BONUS STUFF
-Kiss the Bottle
LUCERO
-Drink Till We're Gone
-All Sewn Up (closer, as always)
-Wasted
-It Gets the Worst at Night (awesome, don't know if I've seen them do this one before)
TENNESSEE
-Sweet Little Thing (awesome)
-Slow Dancing (awesome)
-Nights Like These (awesome... I love this album)
-I'll Just Fall (awesome)
THAT MUCH FURTHER WEST
-That Much Further West
-Joining the Army
-Tears Don't Matter Much
NOBODY'S DARLINGS
-Bikeriders
-Sixteen
-Hold Me Close
-Last Night In Town
-The War
REBELS, ROGUES, AND SWORN BROTHERS
-What Else Would You Have Me Be?
-I Can Get Us Out of Here
1372 OVERTON PARK
-Smoke
-Sounds of the City (opener, for the second time in a row)
-Can't Feel a Thing
-The Devil and Maggie Chascarillo
-Sixes and Sevens
-Goodbye Again
-Darken My Door
-Mom
BEN SOLO
-The Last Pale Light in the West
-Some song about Colorado I've never heard before
While there are songs that I wish they would have played again (Chain Link Fence, My Best Girl, What Are You Willing to Lose? [which for some reason they haven't played either time I've seen them touring on this album], etc), it's hard to argue with that setlist. A ton of songs, representing every album, and really no songs that I don't particularly like. If only the sound in the Bluebird had been as good as the last time I saw them.
I saw Lucero the other day. I think I might have seen them too much too fast, since Cam and I just went and saw them a couple months ago when they were here. And that show was better. This one the sound was just muddy. Still good though. Shooter Jennings' band Heirophant was first and they were okay for like 30 minutes, but they played for 90 FUCKING MINUTES! Opening bands, please note: You should shoot for 30 minutes. If you're a well known band, you can get away with 45. But nobody paid to see you play an hour and a half set, so don't waste our time. We put up with opening bands. We really want to see Lucero. Lucero played a very solid setlist, which included these songs:
ATTIC TAPES + BONUS STUFF
-Kiss the Bottle
LUCERO
-Drink Till We're Gone
-All Sewn Up (closer, as always)
-Wasted
-It Gets the Worst at Night (awesome, don't know if I've seen them do this one before)
TENNESSEE
-Sweet Little Thing (awesome)
-Slow Dancing (awesome)
-Nights Like These (awesome... I love this album)
-I'll Just Fall (awesome)
THAT MUCH FURTHER WEST
-That Much Further West
-Joining the Army
-Tears Don't Matter Much
NOBODY'S DARLINGS
-Bikeriders
-Sixteen
-Hold Me Close
-Last Night In Town
-The War
REBELS, ROGUES, AND SWORN BROTHERS
-What Else Would You Have Me Be?
-I Can Get Us Out of Here
1372 OVERTON PARK
-Smoke
-Sounds of the City (opener, for the second time in a row)
-Can't Feel a Thing
-The Devil and Maggie Chascarillo
-Sixes and Sevens
-Goodbye Again
-Darken My Door
-Mom
BEN SOLO
-The Last Pale Light in the West
-Some song about Colorado I've never heard before
While there are songs that I wish they would have played again (Chain Link Fence, My Best Girl, What Are You Willing to Lose? [which for some reason they haven't played either time I've seen them touring on this album], etc), it's hard to argue with that setlist. A ton of songs, representing every album, and really no songs that I don't particularly like. If only the sound in the Bluebird had been as good as the last time I saw them.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Bob McDonnell, local asshat and Virginia's governor, recently named April as Confederate History Month. Now, okay. The Civil War is an incredibly important time in America's history. Probably the most important time. (I can say that since I'm not an historian.) The South was upset that the North was interfering with its (fucked-up) system of economics. Something happened at Fort Sumter, Abe Lincoln gave the Emancipation Proclamation (which didn't actually free slaves, remember!), and some other stuff happened. (Again, not an historian.) In the end, the Reconstruction South was a mess, but things changed. Kind of, sort of. Took a hundred years -- and even then things weren't perfect -- but the Civil War is an amazing story of the Confederacy rebelling from the rest of the country, losing, re-unifying with the nation, and a whole group of people who didn't possess any human rights suddenly becoming free, autonomous individuals. It's a serious "America, fuck yeah!" moment.
But that's the Civil War. Not the Confederacy. Regardless of what else they stand for, the Confederacy will always - always - be tied to slavery. The Confederate States of America were all about the right to own slaves. And they wanted so badly to maintain the institution of slavery that they declared war against their own country. But they lost. And if you're at the losing-end of a war, you don't really get to act all nostalgic about it later. It's like the Japanese getting sentimental about World War II. It doesn't work that way.
So my question to Bob McDonnell is: Why "Confederate History Month"? Why not "Civil War History Month"? (Aside from the more awkward-sounding name, that is.) Let's talk about the Civil War. Let's talk about oppression and slavery and racism and how the South lost and had to revoke all of those fucked-up systems. Let's talk about a dissenting group of Americans who felt the rest of the country was running wild under a tyrannical leader, rose up, and lost. Let's especially talk about the losing part.
(On a related note, does anyone find people from the South who are way into the Confederacy kind of off-putting? The people with the Confederate flag bumper stickers? I mean, you don't see people from the North with bumper stickers of Union flags. And they won.)
But that's the Civil War. Not the Confederacy. Regardless of what else they stand for, the Confederacy will always - always - be tied to slavery. The Confederate States of America were all about the right to own slaves. And they wanted so badly to maintain the institution of slavery that they declared war against their own country. But they lost. And if you're at the losing-end of a war, you don't really get to act all nostalgic about it later. It's like the Japanese getting sentimental about World War II. It doesn't work that way.
So my question to Bob McDonnell is: Why "Confederate History Month"? Why not "Civil War History Month"? (Aside from the more awkward-sounding name, that is.) Let's talk about the Civil War. Let's talk about oppression and slavery and racism and how the South lost and had to revoke all of those fucked-up systems. Let's talk about a dissenting group of Americans who felt the rest of the country was running wild under a tyrannical leader, rose up, and lost. Let's especially talk about the losing part.
(On a related note, does anyone find people from the South who are way into the Confederacy kind of off-putting? The people with the Confederate flag bumper stickers? I mean, you don't see people from the North with bumper stickers of Union flags. And they won.)
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Bristol Palin's at it again. She's encouraging teens to not have sex until they're married. Look, forget about how obviously retarded and ineffective abstinence is. Think of all the things your parents told you not to do. How many of those things did you not do? I mean sure, I never tried cocaine or heroin, but in general, parents telling kids not to do something is as effective as the rhythm method of birth control. Which is to say, not effective.
What I'm sick of, and I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, is people who get caught doing something bad then going and telling other people not to do that. Bristol Palin only wants kids to not have sex because she got caught having sex by getting pregnant. This is like Tiger Woods telling people not to cheat on their wives, or Mel Gibson telling people that drinking is dangerous, or Jesse James telling people it wouldn't be a good idea to be a tattoo-model banging, sex addicted neo-Nazi.
If Bristol Palin had a brain in her head instead of in her vagina, she would have been on birth control or using condoms or an IUD or any of the other hundred incredibly easy ways to not get pregnant. Then she could have been fucking her 17 year old brains out with her boyfriend and enjoying every wonderful second of it with absolutely no consequences. If that had happened, she would not have all of a sudden come to the realization that teenagers shouldn't have sex. Just like if Gibson, Woods, or James hadn't gotten caught doing their horrible things, they wouldn't have gone to rehab. Sure, Tiger Woods has a mistress in every state, but he's not addicted to sex until someone catches him. Same with all these other famous people.
Bottom line: Sex is fun. Everyone should do it. As much as possible. Safely. It's not that hard. That's what she said. Nobody should listen to anything Bristol Palin says because she's an idiot and her baby is named Trigg. If she has more kids in the future, she should name them Calc and Algebra.
Also, Sarah Palin is super lame. She used that failed vice presidential bid to become a celebrity. Wait a minute... doesn't she have like 8 kids? Does anyone else see a Sarah Palin and whatever her weird secessionist husband's name is Plus 8 coming out any time soon? Maybe a Dancing With the Stars turn next season? I personally can't wait until a few years down the road when she's on Celebrity Rehab trying to recover from her gay hooker meth addiction.
What I'm sick of, and I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, is people who get caught doing something bad then going and telling other people not to do that. Bristol Palin only wants kids to not have sex because she got caught having sex by getting pregnant. This is like Tiger Woods telling people not to cheat on their wives, or Mel Gibson telling people that drinking is dangerous, or Jesse James telling people it wouldn't be a good idea to be a tattoo-model banging, sex addicted neo-Nazi.
If Bristol Palin had a brain in her head instead of in her vagina, she would have been on birth control or using condoms or an IUD or any of the other hundred incredibly easy ways to not get pregnant. Then she could have been fucking her 17 year old brains out with her boyfriend and enjoying every wonderful second of it with absolutely no consequences. If that had happened, she would not have all of a sudden come to the realization that teenagers shouldn't have sex. Just like if Gibson, Woods, or James hadn't gotten caught doing their horrible things, they wouldn't have gone to rehab. Sure, Tiger Woods has a mistress in every state, but he's not addicted to sex until someone catches him. Same with all these other famous people.
Bottom line: Sex is fun. Everyone should do it. As much as possible. Safely. It's not that hard. That's what she said. Nobody should listen to anything Bristol Palin says because she's an idiot and her baby is named Trigg. If she has more kids in the future, she should name them Calc and Algebra.
Also, Sarah Palin is super lame. She used that failed vice presidential bid to become a celebrity. Wait a minute... doesn't she have like 8 kids? Does anyone else see a Sarah Palin and whatever her weird secessionist husband's name is Plus 8 coming out any time soon? Maybe a Dancing With the Stars turn next season? I personally can't wait until a few years down the road when she's on Celebrity Rehab trying to recover from her gay hooker meth addiction.
Friday, April 02, 2010
I thought that making something illegal completely prevented that something from ever happening. But it is illegal for priests to molest boys, but it seems like it happens quite a bit. Which begs the question: Why are gay pedophiles attracted to the priesthood? Strangely, I haven’t heard this question asked in the lame stream media. Instead, people are asking “Why don’t we let priests get married?” Now, I haven’t done any research to back this up, but why would the ability to get married make gay pedophiles stop molesting children? I mean, gay pedophiles outside of the church are free to marry (as long as they marry women, which I’m pretty sure is what the priest marriage folks are suggesting, not that gay marriage that would undermine the family unit and harm children), but they still molest kids.
Follow me here. You’re a heterosexual man or woman. You want to marry a person of the opposite sex. But alas, opposite sex marriage is illegal. So, do you A)have secret sex with adult people of the opposite sex, or B)molest kids? If you said B, please send me all your contact information so I can turn it into the police.
Second question. Smoking weed is illegal, but you want to try it, or you’ve tried it and like it. You want to get some more. Do you A)get some illegally, or B)molest kids?
I guess my point is, I don’t see the correlation between priests not being allowed to get married and their proclivities towards molesting boys. I think instead of having a debate about whether they should get married, we should have a debate about not letting gay pedophiles be priests. Maybe if the church one day decides that women have more right to be priests than gay pedophiles, we can kind of replace them. I would suggest an entrance exam for priesthood. Maybe “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much would you rather be molesting a little boy right now?” Then maybe replace the men who answer with a 5 or above with a woman who answers a 0. I mean I know women aren’t technically “real” people, but a non-child molester woman would at least be better for the church’s image than a gay pedophile, right?
I also heard that the Pope helped cover this up, but he won’t be going to testify about any of this because he’s a “head of state.” Man, who knew that a gay-pedophile-enabling Nazi youth would one day be the most powerful man in one of the world’s most powerful religions. It’s amazing what terrible people can become if they just put their minds to it. Religion is fun.
Follow me here. You’re a heterosexual man or woman. You want to marry a person of the opposite sex. But alas, opposite sex marriage is illegal. So, do you A)have secret sex with adult people of the opposite sex, or B)molest kids? If you said B, please send me all your contact information so I can turn it into the police.
Second question. Smoking weed is illegal, but you want to try it, or you’ve tried it and like it. You want to get some more. Do you A)get some illegally, or B)molest kids?
I guess my point is, I don’t see the correlation between priests not being allowed to get married and their proclivities towards molesting boys. I think instead of having a debate about whether they should get married, we should have a debate about not letting gay pedophiles be priests. Maybe if the church one day decides that women have more right to be priests than gay pedophiles, we can kind of replace them. I would suggest an entrance exam for priesthood. Maybe “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much would you rather be molesting a little boy right now?” Then maybe replace the men who answer with a 5 or above with a woman who answers a 0. I mean I know women aren’t technically “real” people, but a non-child molester woman would at least be better for the church’s image than a gay pedophile, right?
I also heard that the Pope helped cover this up, but he won’t be going to testify about any of this because he’s a “head of state.” Man, who knew that a gay-pedophile-enabling Nazi youth would one day be the most powerful man in one of the world’s most powerful religions. It’s amazing what terrible people can become if they just put their minds to it. Religion is fun.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
The US government will turn everyone in the country into a homosexual so we'll enlist in the armed services. Duh. It all makes sense now. Check it out:
The conservatives are upset about the recent health care legislation. Their vitriolic anger seems exponentially out of proportion to the meek effectiveness of the bill. It's not like they're citing reasonable objections -- they're just fucking upset. Why is this? Because they know something we don't. They've been trying to hint at it for so long, but I'm afraid it's too late. There's nothing we can do about it now.
How many talking heads have you heard say "they're ramming/forcing it [health care] down our throats"? It's so obvious! The health care bill will require everyone to turn gay! It's gotta be one of those tiny clauses no one paid much attention to. But it's there. And it WILL happen, people. Health care won't be the only thing the government is shoving down our throats. Whoa!
But it doesn't stop there. What's the government to do with a country of homosexuals? Why, build the ultimate army, of course! And here's how: By barring gay couples from attending prom. As Adam mentioned, Mississippi is on the cutting-edge here. They're so far advanced they know exactly what they're doing. Those motherfuckers are smarter than I give them credit for. Because, think about it. Who goes to prom? It's generally seventeen- and eighteen-year-old juniors and seniors. AKA the perfect demographic for new enlistments. And by preventing them from going to prom, they'll have all but no choice to enlist!
But hold up. The "don't ask, don't tell" policy would undermine this entire plan. Not if "the Pentagon will start to ease its enforcement of the [policy]." Ha! How convenient! You expect me to believe all three of theses events just happened to occur at around the same time? Yeah, right! That's just crazy!
The conservatives are upset about the recent health care legislation. Their vitriolic anger seems exponentially out of proportion to the meek effectiveness of the bill. It's not like they're citing reasonable objections -- they're just fucking upset. Why is this? Because they know something we don't. They've been trying to hint at it for so long, but I'm afraid it's too late. There's nothing we can do about it now.
How many talking heads have you heard say "they're ramming/forcing it [health care] down our throats"? It's so obvious! The health care bill will require everyone to turn gay! It's gotta be one of those tiny clauses no one paid much attention to. But it's there. And it WILL happen, people. Health care won't be the only thing the government is shoving down our throats. Whoa!
But it doesn't stop there. What's the government to do with a country of homosexuals? Why, build the ultimate army, of course! And here's how: By barring gay couples from attending prom. As Adam mentioned, Mississippi is on the cutting-edge here. They're so far advanced they know exactly what they're doing. Those motherfuckers are smarter than I give them credit for. Because, think about it. Who goes to prom? It's generally seventeen- and eighteen-year-old juniors and seniors. AKA the perfect demographic for new enlistments. And by preventing them from going to prom, they'll have all but no choice to enlist!
But hold up. The "don't ask, don't tell" policy would undermine this entire plan. Not if "the Pentagon will start to ease its enforcement of the [policy]." Ha! How convenient! You expect me to believe all three of theses events just happened to occur at around the same time? Yeah, right! That's just crazy!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Gay people going to prom? What’s this world coming to? Can you just imagine? The thought of two women… kissing… licking on each other… it turns me so on… I mean off. It makes me sick. The only thing that could be worse than that would be if two dudes wanted to go to prom. It makes me want to cancel prom. ALL PROMS! I think until we eradicate the gay menace from society, we should make everything illegal. Christ, if gays can go to prom, what next? I’ll tell you what next. Some dude jerking off a horse during a wedding ceremony marrying him, three children, a rug, and a Muslim. You go, Mississippi. Cancel that prom. It was really becoming a distraction to learning, unlike now that it’s a worldwide news story and things have really settled down.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Adam, you totally inadvertently stole my thunder by updating our blog AT THE EXACT SAME TIME I was, thus pushing my earth-shattering Twitter announcement behind your post (which, oddly enough, also mentions technology) where you also make fun of Twitter for being stupid. You're probably right, but I'm giving it a go.
Yesterday I was in shorts, playing tennis outside. Today there are three inches of snow on the ground and it’s supposed to keep snowing all day. Welcome to Colorful Colorado, where we have all four seasons, except instead of having them nicely divided into seasons, they all happen every three days or so.
American Idol – what is up with making these results shows an hour long? You’re eliminating one person! That shit should get done during the commercial break of another show.
I kind of thought about updating Facebook more often because I feel like I do a shitty enough job of keeping up with people that I could use the help. Then I tried typing in the little update box and felt dirty… so dirty… so maybe I’ll try to give it another shot soon.
Chatroulette, huh? That’s a thing that’s all the rage, according to news media. But I can count up the amount of people I know who have even HEARD of it (aside from me) on zero fingers. What about you? The last time the news media tried to convince me that some lame new website was all the rage was for some shit called “Tweeter” or “Twisters” or something, and I was totally right that that site would go nowhere.
How about that new Alkaline Trio album, huh? This Addiction. It’s like Agony and Irony, but not as good. But, I give the Alk3 credit. They haven’t totally pussified themselves (Green Day, AFI) or gotten soooo boring (Strung Out, Offspring) over the years. At least when you hear an Alk3 album, you can still tell it’s them. And it’s still catchy, at least.
I think I’m the only person in the world that thought The Brag and Cuss was Rocky Votolato’s best album. This new one is solid but I think there’s more you can do sonically with a full band than with you and an acoustic guitar. Some songs are really starting to show the limitations (Sparklers sounds like every other finger picked song he’s done). The 7” that came with the CD has two really good, rocking full band songs, strangely enough.
In other music news, there’s a new split out between Brendan Kelly (The Lawrence Arms) and Joe McMahon (Smoke or Fire) that’s pretty good. It’s all acoustic versions of their bands’ songs. Being more of a Lawrence Arms fan, I find B-Kel’s side of the album more interesting. But I always like to hear different versions of songs I like.
Here’s a project I’ve been thinking about. Maybe not a project… a thing. So anyway, I’ve been trying to think of what single song best represents a band. Like, if I were going to try to get someone into the Alkaline Trio, the single song I would pick from their catalog is Radio. For the Lawrence Arms, Quincentuple Your Money. For a mainstreamer version, for The Eagles, Hotel California. For the Foo Fighters, Everlong. It’s kind of fun and really hard. Here’s your homework: Pick some bands you like. What single song best represents them?
American Idol – what is up with making these results shows an hour long? You’re eliminating one person! That shit should get done during the commercial break of another show.
I kind of thought about updating Facebook more often because I feel like I do a shitty enough job of keeping up with people that I could use the help. Then I tried typing in the little update box and felt dirty… so dirty… so maybe I’ll try to give it another shot soon.
Chatroulette, huh? That’s a thing that’s all the rage, according to news media. But I can count up the amount of people I know who have even HEARD of it (aside from me) on zero fingers. What about you? The last time the news media tried to convince me that some lame new website was all the rage was for some shit called “Tweeter” or “Twisters” or something, and I was totally right that that site would go nowhere.
How about that new Alkaline Trio album, huh? This Addiction. It’s like Agony and Irony, but not as good. But, I give the Alk3 credit. They haven’t totally pussified themselves (Green Day, AFI) or gotten soooo boring (Strung Out, Offspring) over the years. At least when you hear an Alk3 album, you can still tell it’s them. And it’s still catchy, at least.
I think I’m the only person in the world that thought The Brag and Cuss was Rocky Votolato’s best album. This new one is solid but I think there’s more you can do sonically with a full band than with you and an acoustic guitar. Some songs are really starting to show the limitations (Sparklers sounds like every other finger picked song he’s done). The 7” that came with the CD has two really good, rocking full band songs, strangely enough.
In other music news, there’s a new split out between Brendan Kelly (The Lawrence Arms) and Joe McMahon (Smoke or Fire) that’s pretty good. It’s all acoustic versions of their bands’ songs. Being more of a Lawrence Arms fan, I find B-Kel’s side of the album more interesting. But I always like to hear different versions of songs I like.
Here’s a project I’ve been thinking about. Maybe not a project… a thing. So anyway, I’ve been trying to think of what single song best represents a band. Like, if I were going to try to get someone into the Alkaline Trio, the single song I would pick from their catalog is Radio. For the Lawrence Arms, Quincentuple Your Money. For a mainstreamer version, for The Eagles, Hotel California. For the Foo Fighters, Everlong. It’s kind of fun and really hard. Here’s your homework: Pick some bands you like. What single song best represents them?
Surely the end of the world is near: I have created a Twitter account. Now, this really shouldn't come as a shock; after all, in today's high-tech info-world-blog-sphere-dome-net, I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty. (The fact that I refer to them by that one line from "The Little Mermaid" should indicate just how out-of-the-loop I am.) So one more link to the massive social-network-ization of the world is really no big deal for someone like me. Sure, skeptics (I) might say: "But Brian, you barely use Facebook. And you're not that interesting." To which I'd say (to myself): "True." Then I'd add: "But surely I can be interesting when I'm constrained to 160 characters." As evidenced by this already long-winded passage, it's not like I have a problem with being needlessly verbose.
All of this is to say: Who knows how long this adventure will last. Maybe a week. Maybe a month. Or maybe I'll rocket to Twitter stardom, surpassing even the greats like Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama, or FunnyCatsPics. And then maybe I'll sell out and my tweets will become hackneyed and stale and I'll lose all my followers and return to my humble roots, having learned an important lesson about myself and a little thing called hubris. Hey, I can dream.
Coming up with a Twitter name was surprisingly difficult. There are lots of Brian Kims out there. The guy who actually has BrianKim is a jerk. He only has one tweet: "Subscribing." It's from 2007. He's only following one person, yet has 24 followers. Honestly, who's still following a guy with only one tweet from three years ago? I would totally (hypothetically) make way more use (for now) of that account than he does (did). Also, just since I was curious, I looked up AdamJones. He only has two tweets, both from two years ago. They're both about pizza. Maybe that one really is Adam, who knows.
I finally decided on YetAnotherBrian. I wanted it to be YetAnotherBrianKim, but Twitter cut me off after the "n" in "Brian." Worked out well, otherwise I could've been "YetAnotherBr" or "YetAnotherBria," which just doesn't make as much sense. So follow me, Twitter-folks (whatever you're called). And maybe, just maybe, we'll all learn a little something about laughter, love, and what it means to sell out.
All of this is to say: Who knows how long this adventure will last. Maybe a week. Maybe a month. Or maybe I'll rocket to Twitter stardom, surpassing even the greats like Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama, or FunnyCatsPics. And then maybe I'll sell out and my tweets will become hackneyed and stale and I'll lose all my followers and return to my humble roots, having learned an important lesson about myself and a little thing called hubris. Hey, I can dream.
Coming up with a Twitter name was surprisingly difficult. There are lots of Brian Kims out there. The guy who actually has BrianKim is a jerk. He only has one tweet: "Subscribing." It's from 2007. He's only following one person, yet has 24 followers. Honestly, who's still following a guy with only one tweet from three years ago? I would totally (hypothetically) make way more use (for now) of that account than he does (did). Also, just since I was curious, I looked up AdamJones. He only has two tweets, both from two years ago. They're both about pizza. Maybe that one really is Adam, who knows.
I finally decided on YetAnotherBrian. I wanted it to be YetAnotherBrianKim, but Twitter cut me off after the "n" in "Brian." Worked out well, otherwise I could've been "YetAnotherBr" or "YetAnotherBria," which just doesn't make as much sense. So follow me, Twitter-folks (whatever you're called). And maybe, just maybe, we'll all learn a little something about laughter, love, and what it means to sell out.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Where do Tegan and Sara get off charging $35.25 for concert tickets? Who are they, The Eagles?
Went and saw The Mother Hips on Friday night. The concert’s DOORS were at NINE PEE EMM. My god people! I know vampires are all the rage right now, but that doesn’t mean I can live like one. I have to go to bed at night. Luckily it was just them and another band called The Lonely H, which Cam and I decided was a silly name. I still really hate the name, but the band was actually pretty good. Nothing totally exceptional, but just some 70’s sounding classic rock. Singer could really wail. Bass player smiled like a weirdo the whole time. Guitarist was totally competent but never busted out the mad solo he was so close to doing several times. And drummer was nine years old. Or not, but he looked like it.
Anyway, The Mother Hips came on and put on a solid show. They played most of the songs I knew by them, without saying a single, solitary word between them. No “Hey Denver,” no “Thank you,” nothing. They’re also looking a little old, which I guess is to be expected since they’ve been around for 20 years. They stood basically still, played well, sang well, but lacked a certain je ne sais qua. Maybe it’s because it was so late, or maybe some of their songs are just kind of boring, but towards the middle of the set they had these strange instrumental breaks for minutes at a time in the middle of songs where it seemed like they should be playing some cool guitar solos, but really they just hit random notes every so often with that pained look that guitarists get when they’re busting out sick ass shit on the guitar. But they weren’t. But it was still good.
The venue was the Hi-Dive, which is so tiny I drive by it every day on my way to work and I had no idea it was there. We got there around 8:30 because we couldn’t imagine that doors would be at 9 and we looked in the little window and it just looked like a hallway, so I assumed there would maybe be a room back in the back where the concert would take place. But alas, there was no room. It is just a hallway. You turn to your left and tucked away in the corner there is a stage. There can’t be more than 100 people that can fit into this place. I was struck by two thoughts. First, how sick would it have been to see a band like Against Me! back in the Axl Rose or Eternal Cowboy days play at a place like that? Second, how sad is that good rock music like those two bands can’t fill a bigger place, yet the Black Eyed Peas will soon be coming and selling out the Pepsi Center?
Dudes with goatees are always douchebags.
Des, our follower, and more importantly friend, has been in the hospital and is now at home with her mom. She had spinal fluid leak into her brain and needed four spinal taps to remove all of it. She thinks it’s treatable, but if anyone wants to say a quick Get Well Soon to Des, then do it.
Went and saw The Mother Hips on Friday night. The concert’s DOORS were at NINE PEE EMM. My god people! I know vampires are all the rage right now, but that doesn’t mean I can live like one. I have to go to bed at night. Luckily it was just them and another band called The Lonely H, which Cam and I decided was a silly name. I still really hate the name, but the band was actually pretty good. Nothing totally exceptional, but just some 70’s sounding classic rock. Singer could really wail. Bass player smiled like a weirdo the whole time. Guitarist was totally competent but never busted out the mad solo he was so close to doing several times. And drummer was nine years old. Or not, but he looked like it.
Anyway, The Mother Hips came on and put on a solid show. They played most of the songs I knew by them, without saying a single, solitary word between them. No “Hey Denver,” no “Thank you,” nothing. They’re also looking a little old, which I guess is to be expected since they’ve been around for 20 years. They stood basically still, played well, sang well, but lacked a certain je ne sais qua. Maybe it’s because it was so late, or maybe some of their songs are just kind of boring, but towards the middle of the set they had these strange instrumental breaks for minutes at a time in the middle of songs where it seemed like they should be playing some cool guitar solos, but really they just hit random notes every so often with that pained look that guitarists get when they’re busting out sick ass shit on the guitar. But they weren’t. But it was still good.
The venue was the Hi-Dive, which is so tiny I drive by it every day on my way to work and I had no idea it was there. We got there around 8:30 because we couldn’t imagine that doors would be at 9 and we looked in the little window and it just looked like a hallway, so I assumed there would maybe be a room back in the back where the concert would take place. But alas, there was no room. It is just a hallway. You turn to your left and tucked away in the corner there is a stage. There can’t be more than 100 people that can fit into this place. I was struck by two thoughts. First, how sick would it have been to see a band like Against Me! back in the Axl Rose or Eternal Cowboy days play at a place like that? Second, how sad is that good rock music like those two bands can’t fill a bigger place, yet the Black Eyed Peas will soon be coming and selling out the Pepsi Center?
Dudes with goatees are always douchebags.
Des, our follower, and more importantly friend, has been in the hospital and is now at home with her mom. She had spinal fluid leak into her brain and needed four spinal taps to remove all of it. She thinks it’s treatable, but if anyone wants to say a quick Get Well Soon to Des, then do it.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Dancing has always been a phenomenon I don’t understand (which, when looking back at this blog, is just another piece of evidence to suggest that there are few things in this world that I do understand). Now if you know me, you know I love music. On a summer day, the right music can make the sun brighter, the sky bluer, the mood greater. When I’m feeling mad, some hardcore or metal is just what I need to scream out my aggressions. When I’m sad, music tells me that there’s always someone out there that can relate to what I’m going through. And when I’m going to bed, a relaxing album clears my mind and puts me at ease so I can sleep. For every mood (turn turn turn) there is a music (turn turn turn).
That said, the concept of that music invading my body and making me flail my limbs all over is a strange one. Sure, I’ll nod my head, maybe bust out a little air guitar or drums. But to go out onto a dance floor and dance? I can’t do it. I get all self conscious, and I forget how my brain controls my body. Basically I look like I’m having an extremely minor epileptic seizure.
I went to a country bar last night (don’t ask), and I was struck by an amusing realization: White people can’t dance! They can’t! If you see a white person dancing, that person has some kind of other blood running through their veins that gave them the dancing gene. That’s why white people made up the two dances I saw last night. There’s the two step, which is where two people hold onto each other and walk funny in a circle. It’s like a weird slow mosh pit. It looks like roller skating without the skates, they way they walk funny around the edge of the dance floor. More experienced two steppers can twirl each other, and there were a few confused souls trying to find a place to swing dance now that everyone realized swing music died for a reason, who would dip their partners and do some strange pushes and pulls.
The other dance I saw was the line dance, that whitest of all dances. It seems that because white people are incapable of dancing on their own, they had to invent rigid dances that have certain steps that happen at certain times. Not to say it doesn’t require some sort of talent, or at least memorization. I watched them and couldn’t figure out what they’re doing. Basically it all looks like the Macarena. They move around a little bit, then they turn, and they move around a little bit, then they turn, etc. Depending on the song, the move could be a strange bunny hopping motion, or a hip swivel, or just stepping from side to side. Turn. Repeat.
My country music knowledge is limited to about three Garth Brooks songs, and whatever songs Me First and the Gimme Gimmes covered on their Love Their Country album. When I was a kid, my dad told me that I would start to appreciate country music as I got older. After sitting and listening to it for 90 minutes, I can tell you that I just don’t see myself relating any more to songs about pickup trucks and one eyed dogs and being a country boy as I get older. Sorry. I did recognize two songs. That one that goes “I’m much too young to feel this damn old,” which several punk bands covered, and “Wagon Wheel,” which Against Me! (or more accurately, Tom Gabel) covered. My other observation is that being in a room made up of 100% white people (lie! There was one Asian guy who obviously got lost and stumbled in there for shelter from the cold), and watching all these guys wearing tight jeans with big belt buckles in plaid shirts and cowboy hats over short haircuts, is really hilarious. I love stereotypes that turn out to be completely accurate!
Finally, I’ve been watching American Idol for the first (and last) time ever this season, because I wanted to see what all the hullaballoo was about with this show. And since Simon is leaving, I wanted to get the real deal. (ed note: the real reason Adam is watching is because he’s an Ellen superfan) My problems with this show are numerous. First, the audition rounds are awful. While it’s fun at first to watch bad people try to sing, after two weeks of it, I get it. A lot of people have a lot of time on their hands. Second, there is SO much filler in the early rounds of the show. When watching a singing competition, I want to see people sing, not have half the show filled up with lame sob stories about how one time the contestant’s dog died and ever since that day she’s been singing for Rufus. I don’t give a shit about these people, I just want them to entertain me, clowns! Third, America sucks. They consistently vote off the most interesting people on the show and keep on the doey eyed teen heartthrobs. Lily Scott, perhaps the most interesting singer in the bunch (she sang a Patsy Cline song last week and made it seem relevant, for Christ’s sake!) was kicked off this week in favor of a 17 year old who hasn’t hit a good note in three weeks. My complete distaste for pop music (except Single Ladies!) obviously factors into my annoyance with America. Any country that can make Ke$ha popular should have no right to vote in a talent show.
That said, the concept of that music invading my body and making me flail my limbs all over is a strange one. Sure, I’ll nod my head, maybe bust out a little air guitar or drums. But to go out onto a dance floor and dance? I can’t do it. I get all self conscious, and I forget how my brain controls my body. Basically I look like I’m having an extremely minor epileptic seizure.
I went to a country bar last night (don’t ask), and I was struck by an amusing realization: White people can’t dance! They can’t! If you see a white person dancing, that person has some kind of other blood running through their veins that gave them the dancing gene. That’s why white people made up the two dances I saw last night. There’s the two step, which is where two people hold onto each other and walk funny in a circle. It’s like a weird slow mosh pit. It looks like roller skating without the skates, they way they walk funny around the edge of the dance floor. More experienced two steppers can twirl each other, and there were a few confused souls trying to find a place to swing dance now that everyone realized swing music died for a reason, who would dip their partners and do some strange pushes and pulls.
The other dance I saw was the line dance, that whitest of all dances. It seems that because white people are incapable of dancing on their own, they had to invent rigid dances that have certain steps that happen at certain times. Not to say it doesn’t require some sort of talent, or at least memorization. I watched them and couldn’t figure out what they’re doing. Basically it all looks like the Macarena. They move around a little bit, then they turn, and they move around a little bit, then they turn, etc. Depending on the song, the move could be a strange bunny hopping motion, or a hip swivel, or just stepping from side to side. Turn. Repeat.
My country music knowledge is limited to about three Garth Brooks songs, and whatever songs Me First and the Gimme Gimmes covered on their Love Their Country album. When I was a kid, my dad told me that I would start to appreciate country music as I got older. After sitting and listening to it for 90 minutes, I can tell you that I just don’t see myself relating any more to songs about pickup trucks and one eyed dogs and being a country boy as I get older. Sorry. I did recognize two songs. That one that goes “I’m much too young to feel this damn old,” which several punk bands covered, and “Wagon Wheel,” which Against Me! (or more accurately, Tom Gabel) covered. My other observation is that being in a room made up of 100% white people (lie! There was one Asian guy who obviously got lost and stumbled in there for shelter from the cold), and watching all these guys wearing tight jeans with big belt buckles in plaid shirts and cowboy hats over short haircuts, is really hilarious. I love stereotypes that turn out to be completely accurate!
Finally, I’ve been watching American Idol for the first (and last) time ever this season, because I wanted to see what all the hullaballoo was about with this show. And since Simon is leaving, I wanted to get the real deal. (ed note: the real reason Adam is watching is because he’s an Ellen superfan) My problems with this show are numerous. First, the audition rounds are awful. While it’s fun at first to watch bad people try to sing, after two weeks of it, I get it. A lot of people have a lot of time on their hands. Second, there is SO much filler in the early rounds of the show. When watching a singing competition, I want to see people sing, not have half the show filled up with lame sob stories about how one time the contestant’s dog died and ever since that day she’s been singing for Rufus. I don’t give a shit about these people, I just want them to entertain me, clowns! Third, America sucks. They consistently vote off the most interesting people on the show and keep on the doey eyed teen heartthrobs. Lily Scott, perhaps the most interesting singer in the bunch (she sang a Patsy Cline song last week and made it seem relevant, for Christ’s sake!) was kicked off this week in favor of a 17 year old who hasn’t hit a good note in three weeks. My complete distaste for pop music (except Single Ladies!) obviously factors into my annoyance with America. Any country that can make Ke$ha popular should have no right to vote in a talent show.
Monday, March 08, 2010
It's the time of year again! Adam Goes to the Oscars!
Editor's Note: Adam doesn't actually go to the Oscars. Nor has he seen many of the movies he's going to talk about. Please don't take any of this seriously.
Okay folks, who wants to explain to me what the point of having 10 movies nominated for best picture was? It seems to me that every year, there are one or two movies that legitimately have a shot at winning. So it's not like these five extra movies brought any added drama to the proceedings. I will list these five movies that had no shot at winning now:
1. Up: It was a cute animated movie, and the opening section was one of the greatest things ever put to film. But, it was an ANIMATED movie, and nobody takes them seriously. Also, The Fantastic Mr. Fox was better.
2. A Serious Man: I love the Coen Brothers as much as the next guy, but seriously? All because they made a movie this year doesn't mean it should be up for best picture.
3. Inglourious Basterds: This was a great movie, suspenseful from start to finish, and full of exquisite dialog. That said, it was also directed by Quentin Tarantino and didn't have any poor black people, oppressed blue people, come from behind football players, modern military action, or George Clooney, so while it was cute to nominate it, it was also a waste of time.
4. An Education: If this movie was as boring as its title, then I assume it was nominated so that the Academy could be like "See? We don't only nominate blockbusters!"
5. District 9: It's science fiction. Give me a break.
So, did you guys see that for some reason there were other movies up against Avatar in the Visual Effects category? That's like going up against George Clooney in the George Clooney Lookalike category.
How about those short films? Can you believe that the one that won the animated one won? I thought one of those other ones would! And don't even get me started about the live action ones. My goodness. What was the Academy thinking?
Documentaries. They give awards to these things, like anyone watches them. Who ever heard of Burma VJ? Is Burma even a real place? People march. Then there are people killing dolphins in Japan. Call me when they're putting dolphins in Toyotas and asking them to try to stop their cars. And Food Inc? Are we really still stuck on this bullshit? I've heard, food is gross. That said, I don't know how to farm, so I am more than happy to eat whatever they put into things. Hot dogs are made from "meat jelly," horse hooves, and mixed testicles? Sounds fine to me!
What was up with Miley Cyrus's boobs? They were falling out of that dress! Aren't we supposed to be outraged when people who were on the Disney channel show skin? I don't want my kids watching that shit. Next thing I know my nonexistent kids will be smoking meth out of each other's asses and having unprotected sex with animals.
Okay, now on to the other best picture nominees.
6. Up in the Air: One of the most purely entertaining movies I saw last year, but it just didn't have that hook. Purely entertaining will never beat movies that have some topicality.
7. The Blind Side: Great. White people take in a black kid and make him successful. Racism is awesome, and so are bad southern accents and come from behind stories about football.
8. Precious: There are two reasons I never had any desire to see this movie. First, it insists on telling you in its title what novel it was based on. LAME! Second, everyone involved with this movie acted like it changed their lives, and that much self-congratulating and bullshitting usually only results in movies that try to be so much more important than they are, like Crash, which may be the worst best picture winner EVER.
9. Avatar: Why can't a movie balance being totally sick-ass awesome visually AND plot wise? Side note: Did you know this was racist? Because the white guy had to go in and save the blue guys. Now that you see how obviously racist this movie was, don't you regret making it the highest grossing movie ever? Actually, the white guy had to become one of the blue guys to win... and the blue guys are the good guys... but James Cameron is a racist, let's face facts.
10. The Hurt Locker: This might be the only time you ever hear this, but... Iraq FTW!
Best part of the whole thing: The dude finally has a statue. That should really tie the room together.
Editor's Note: Adam doesn't actually go to the Oscars. Nor has he seen many of the movies he's going to talk about. Please don't take any of this seriously.
Okay folks, who wants to explain to me what the point of having 10 movies nominated for best picture was? It seems to me that every year, there are one or two movies that legitimately have a shot at winning. So it's not like these five extra movies brought any added drama to the proceedings. I will list these five movies that had no shot at winning now:
1. Up: It was a cute animated movie, and the opening section was one of the greatest things ever put to film. But, it was an ANIMATED movie, and nobody takes them seriously. Also, The Fantastic Mr. Fox was better.
2. A Serious Man: I love the Coen Brothers as much as the next guy, but seriously? All because they made a movie this year doesn't mean it should be up for best picture.
3. Inglourious Basterds: This was a great movie, suspenseful from start to finish, and full of exquisite dialog. That said, it was also directed by Quentin Tarantino and didn't have any poor black people, oppressed blue people, come from behind football players, modern military action, or George Clooney, so while it was cute to nominate it, it was also a waste of time.
4. An Education: If this movie was as boring as its title, then I assume it was nominated so that the Academy could be like "See? We don't only nominate blockbusters!"
5. District 9: It's science fiction. Give me a break.
So, did you guys see that for some reason there were other movies up against Avatar in the Visual Effects category? That's like going up against George Clooney in the George Clooney Lookalike category.
How about those short films? Can you believe that the one that won the animated one won? I thought one of those other ones would! And don't even get me started about the live action ones. My goodness. What was the Academy thinking?
Documentaries. They give awards to these things, like anyone watches them. Who ever heard of Burma VJ? Is Burma even a real place? People march. Then there are people killing dolphins in Japan. Call me when they're putting dolphins in Toyotas and asking them to try to stop their cars. And Food Inc? Are we really still stuck on this bullshit? I've heard, food is gross. That said, I don't know how to farm, so I am more than happy to eat whatever they put into things. Hot dogs are made from "meat jelly," horse hooves, and mixed testicles? Sounds fine to me!
What was up with Miley Cyrus's boobs? They were falling out of that dress! Aren't we supposed to be outraged when people who were on the Disney channel show skin? I don't want my kids watching that shit. Next thing I know my nonexistent kids will be smoking meth out of each other's asses and having unprotected sex with animals.
Okay, now on to the other best picture nominees.
6. Up in the Air: One of the most purely entertaining movies I saw last year, but it just didn't have that hook. Purely entertaining will never beat movies that have some topicality.
7. The Blind Side: Great. White people take in a black kid and make him successful. Racism is awesome, and so are bad southern accents and come from behind stories about football.
8. Precious: There are two reasons I never had any desire to see this movie. First, it insists on telling you in its title what novel it was based on. LAME! Second, everyone involved with this movie acted like it changed their lives, and that much self-congratulating and bullshitting usually only results in movies that try to be so much more important than they are, like Crash, which may be the worst best picture winner EVER.
9. Avatar: Why can't a movie balance being totally sick-ass awesome visually AND plot wise? Side note: Did you know this was racist? Because the white guy had to go in and save the blue guys. Now that you see how obviously racist this movie was, don't you regret making it the highest grossing movie ever? Actually, the white guy had to become one of the blue guys to win... and the blue guys are the good guys... but James Cameron is a racist, let's face facts.
10. The Hurt Locker: This might be the only time you ever hear this, but... Iraq FTW!
Best part of the whole thing: The dude finally has a statue. That should really tie the room together.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
I've made a couple interesting discoveries using the automated word-creating function thing with text messages. (That's the technical term for it, by the way. "Automated word-creating function thing.") For instance, if you type in "convert," the first thing that pops up is "contest." See, even text messaging software knows that converting people to a certain religion is a contest. (Bad joke. Boos are an appropriate reaction. My material gets better, though.) I think I've already mentioned the Brian = Asian thing, which is just odd. But the best one is that if you type in "book," it'll come up "cool." Thus definitively proving that reading is, in fact, hip, jive, neat-o, madd kewlz.
The Academy Awards are tonight. I'm somewhat interested in watching, but, alas, my poor little rabbit ears don't pick up ABC. Of the 92 movies nominated for best picture, I've seen five: Avatar, The Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, Up, and Up in the Air. I wanted to see Precious, I just never got around to it. (And we all know that, once the Oscars are over, that opportunity is lost and gone forever.) Avatar was flashy with no substance. The Hurt Locker was suspenseful with no grounding in reality. Inglorious Basterds is my favorite of the lot and a solid movie all around. Up was good-but-not-great. And Up in the Air was kind of a disappointment, to me. (Jason Reitman, what's the deal? I loved Thank You For Smoking. Juno was a mess, but I blame that mostly on Diablo Cody's script. And Up in the Air was just... I don't know, too George Clooney-y.) So what be your pick for tonight's winner? I'm expecting a shocking turn of a events when Couples Retreat gets entered as a last-minute addition to all the categories and becomes the first film in history to sweep every single award.
The Academy Awards are tonight. I'm somewhat interested in watching, but, alas, my poor little rabbit ears don't pick up ABC. Of the 92 movies nominated for best picture, I've seen five: Avatar, The Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, Up, and Up in the Air. I wanted to see Precious, I just never got around to it. (And we all know that, once the Oscars are over, that opportunity is lost and gone forever.) Avatar was flashy with no substance. The Hurt Locker was suspenseful with no grounding in reality. Inglorious Basterds is my favorite of the lot and a solid movie all around. Up was good-but-not-great. And Up in the Air was kind of a disappointment, to me. (Jason Reitman, what's the deal? I loved Thank You For Smoking. Juno was a mess, but I blame that mostly on Diablo Cody's script. And Up in the Air was just... I don't know, too George Clooney-y.) So what be your pick for tonight's winner? I'm expecting a shocking turn of a events when Couples Retreat gets entered as a last-minute addition to all the categories and becomes the first film in history to sweep every single award.
Friday, March 05, 2010
I recently heard U2's cover of The Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody." I almost threw up through my ears. Aside from being biologically impossible, it also would've been extremely gross. Thankfully, that didn't happen. Instead, I just cringed my way through a minute and a half of the song before having to turn it off. Now, I'm generally pro-cover. I like the idea of an artist taking a song he or she enjoys and putting his or her own spin on it. And I find it works really well for smaller, less-well-known songs. Bad Astronaut covering Armchair Martian is fantastic. The 2005 Believer CD of indie artists covering indie artists is very enjoyable. But I guess the problem comes with covering iconic, canonical songs. Those prove to be uncoverable.
Evidence #1: The Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody." Thanks to YouTube, I found a handful of covers: Elvis, Roy Orbison, The Supremes, LeAnn Rimes, and the Platters. I only made it through to the end of one of them. Place your bets now. Let me say that, compared to U2's monstrosity, they're all better covers, just not great. Elvis has a good voice, but it doesn't quite work for the song. Nor does Roy Orbison's voice. The Platters slowed the tempo way down so that it makes the track kind of boring. LeAnn Rimes does a decent job, but they threw in a couple superfluous country-ish things that I didn't like. So yes, it was The Supremes' cover that I made it to the end of. Diana Ross handled the song well, for sure. But if I'm honest with myself, I would never choose The Supremes' version over the original. The Righteous Brothers own that song.
Evidence #2: The Supremes' "Someday We'll Be Together." Speaking of The Supremes... I only found three covers -- thankfully -- which I think says something about how uncoverable this song is. First up: Bobby Darin. There's some weird Grateful Dead guitar effect going on in this version that really turns me off. Next is the Marvelettes who, even down to the name, seem like a replica of The Supremes. Vocally, this is an incredibly strong track -- maybe even better than the original's. But the production kills this song. There's way to much going on. It's an admirable effort, though. Finally, there's some dude named Jimmy Somerville who does a cover. I don't know who he is, but he's all right. Just kind of strange hearing a guy cover the song.
There are probably a few other songs I could use as evidence, but I'm kind of exhausted after looking at all those YouTube videos.
Evidence #1: The Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody." Thanks to YouTube, I found a handful of covers: Elvis, Roy Orbison, The Supremes, LeAnn Rimes, and the Platters. I only made it through to the end of one of them. Place your bets now. Let me say that, compared to U2's monstrosity, they're all better covers, just not great. Elvis has a good voice, but it doesn't quite work for the song. Nor does Roy Orbison's voice. The Platters slowed the tempo way down so that it makes the track kind of boring. LeAnn Rimes does a decent job, but they threw in a couple superfluous country-ish things that I didn't like. So yes, it was The Supremes' cover that I made it to the end of. Diana Ross handled the song well, for sure. But if I'm honest with myself, I would never choose The Supremes' version over the original. The Righteous Brothers own that song.
Evidence #2: The Supremes' "Someday We'll Be Together." Speaking of The Supremes... I only found three covers -- thankfully -- which I think says something about how uncoverable this song is. First up: Bobby Darin. There's some weird Grateful Dead guitar effect going on in this version that really turns me off. Next is the Marvelettes who, even down to the name, seem like a replica of The Supremes. Vocally, this is an incredibly strong track -- maybe even better than the original's. But the production kills this song. There's way to much going on. It's an admirable effort, though. Finally, there's some dude named Jimmy Somerville who does a cover. I don't know who he is, but he's all right. Just kind of strange hearing a guy cover the song.
There are probably a few other songs I could use as evidence, but I'm kind of exhausted after looking at all those YouTube videos.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Jared Leto, we need to talk. As a close personal friend to Jared (or "Jerry" or "JL," as I like to call him), I know he reads this blog every day. Even the days we don't update, Jared Leto is here, reading old posts and laughing in that Jared Leto way.
So, Jerry. Look. I hate to be the messenger here, but you're breaking one of the cardinal rules of attractive people: you're only allowed to be good at one thing. If (as according to your IMDB trivia page) you've been selected as one of People magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in the World, you're only allowed one demonstrable skill. For most people that's acting or modeling. But you can't be both an actor AND a musician. That's just not fair. I'm not saying you can't do both -- it's nice to have hobbies -- but your band is not allowed to be successful and have world tours. Look at Kevin Bacon. He's a musician. But no one cares about his music. That's the way it should be.
(That was a long walk just to take a dig at Kevin Bacon. I apologize.)
Speaking of music, Adam, you have a USB turntable, right? That means you can convert vinyl to mp3s? If so, there are a couple 7"s I think I'll bring with me on my trip. Did you ever get the first Fingers Cut Megamachine 7"? The 4-song one? It's one of my favorite FCM releases. I'd love to have those four songs as mp3s. There's also a Races to April 7" with a song I don't think they ever made an mp3 of. And maybe a couple others, if I dig through the rest of my 7"s.
Speaking of taking digs at people, I'd like to introduce a new meme that I think could catch on like those Chuck Norris jokes. Everybody likes slander, libel, and defamation, right? Who doesn't?!?!?!?!?! Well, I've discovered that the best person to use for a slanderous statement is Ezra Pound. Non-English majors recognize the name and maybe read a poem or two of his in high school, but they wouldn't be able to tell you which one. Even English majors and poets don't seem to be terribly fond of him (I made this up just now to make my point appear stronger). Here are a few examples of ways to make this fun and exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--When Ezra Pound goes to the bathroom, he leaves the toilet seat up. (True.)
--Ezra Pound doesn't tip when he orders delivery... even on rainy days!
--Ezra Pound translated Japanese poetry without knowing any Japanese. (This might actually be true and was the catalyst for this whole idea.)
--If you hate poetry, it's probably because of Ezra Pound.
--Ezra Pound feels prejudice towards "the ethnics."
--Ezra Pound is an odd-looking motherfucker. (This isn't slander because it's true. Do a Google image search.)
Speaking of my trip to Denver, this news story is incredibly reassuring. Especially since I'll be flying out of JFK.
Finally, speaking of sexism (because when is a post of mine NOT about sexism? [Go back to the kitchen, honey.]), if you've ever wondered if a woman could demean her entire gender within the first six seconds of an advertisement, look no further.
So, Jerry. Look. I hate to be the messenger here, but you're breaking one of the cardinal rules of attractive people: you're only allowed to be good at one thing. If (as according to your IMDB trivia page) you've been selected as one of People magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in the World, you're only allowed one demonstrable skill. For most people that's acting or modeling. But you can't be both an actor AND a musician. That's just not fair. I'm not saying you can't do both -- it's nice to have hobbies -- but your band is not allowed to be successful and have world tours. Look at Kevin Bacon. He's a musician. But no one cares about his music. That's the way it should be.
(That was a long walk just to take a dig at Kevin Bacon. I apologize.)
Speaking of music, Adam, you have a USB turntable, right? That means you can convert vinyl to mp3s? If so, there are a couple 7"s I think I'll bring with me on my trip. Did you ever get the first Fingers Cut Megamachine 7"? The 4-song one? It's one of my favorite FCM releases. I'd love to have those four songs as mp3s. There's also a Races to April 7" with a song I don't think they ever made an mp3 of. And maybe a couple others, if I dig through the rest of my 7"s.
Speaking of taking digs at people, I'd like to introduce a new meme that I think could catch on like those Chuck Norris jokes. Everybody likes slander, libel, and defamation, right? Who doesn't?!?!?!?!?! Well, I've discovered that the best person to use for a slanderous statement is Ezra Pound. Non-English majors recognize the name and maybe read a poem or two of his in high school, but they wouldn't be able to tell you which one. Even English majors and poets don't seem to be terribly fond of him (I made this up just now to make my point appear stronger). Here are a few examples of ways to make this fun and exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--When Ezra Pound goes to the bathroom, he leaves the toilet seat up. (True.)
--Ezra Pound doesn't tip when he orders delivery... even on rainy days!
--Ezra Pound translated Japanese poetry without knowing any Japanese. (This might actually be true and was the catalyst for this whole idea.)
--If you hate poetry, it's probably because of Ezra Pound.
--Ezra Pound feels prejudice towards "the ethnics."
--Ezra Pound is an odd-looking motherfucker. (This isn't slander because it's true. Do a Google image search.)
Speaking of my trip to Denver, this news story is incredibly reassuring. Especially since I'll be flying out of JFK.
Finally, speaking of sexism (because when is a post of mine NOT about sexism? [Go back to the kitchen, honey.]), if you've ever wondered if a woman could demean her entire gender within the first six seconds of an advertisement, look no further.
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