So Terry Schiavo. That's a sticky situation, huh? I mean, the woman is alive. But, she's not really... alive. Her husband wants to remove her feeding tube and her parents don't want to. Anyway, alls I'm saying is I'm glad I'm not in that situation and I don't have to make any decisions. But, I do have problems with two groups of people involved in this thing. Or should I say, two groups of people who are involved but have no business being involved in this thing. Namely, the government and the protester people outside. One, I thought republicans were for less government. So what's the deal with legislation that directly interferes with a personal matter? I hate the government enough right now without them trying to directly interfere with our lives. They're already fucking up on a world scale with the Iraq invasion that was supposed to be over a year and a half ago. They don't need to fuck with us individually. I'm sorry that Christians have such a high value on everything that resembles life, but all because our president is a coke head... I mean a drunk driver... I mean a born again Christian doesn't mean that we can prevent people from dying. Bush needs to go back to Crawford, Texas or wherever he's from and just take a three year long vacation so he doesn't screw anything else up.

And speaking of Christians, there are a bunch of these holier-than-thou fucks stationed outside Jeb Bush's office and the hospital where Terry Schiavo is. What they're doing is telling me that because I don't agree with them that I'm a bad person. I resent that. If these people truly cared about anything besides getting on TV and trying to get laid by impressing other Christians with their holiness, they'd do something more constructive to the world. If they care about life so much, why not donate some money to some charities? Join the peace corps? Go to a third world country and work at improving the quality of life? Why not go home and try to improve the quality of life for people who actually live on a daily basis? Terry Schiavo had it rough, it's sad, it's unfortunate. But she's one woman who is basically a vegetable for the rest of her life. I'm missing the point of hanging out outside and reading from the Bible. I can't stress this enough: YOU CANNOT BASE YOUR LIFE OFF OF A BOOK. You can base your life off of the solid moral foundation that the Bible puts forth. But we don't live 2,000 years or longer ago. We live now. Things have changed a tiny bit since those days. Sodomy (and I mean stuff like oral sex, not just anal, and sorry if sex bothers you) is illegal in many states because people 200 years ago were puritans and couldn't stand the idea of someone putting something like that someplace like that. But nowadays we're much more openminded and I can't remember the last time anyone got arrested for sodomy in this country. What I'm trying to say is that rules change over time, and there are now situations where life is not so clearly life. Fetuses. Comatose people. Where were these protesters and pro-life fuckers when children got shot and killed up in Minnesota recently? Isn't their deaths more tragic than one woman who doesn't even know she's alive being humanely lead to sleep? They're down there in Florida because they want to be on TV. They want to impress people. They want compliments. They don't know or care about Terry Schiavo. They've never met her. If someone I loved was dying, I would be pissed if a bunch of strangers who don't know my loved one and don't have any idea what she's been through or what she was like, I'd be pissed if they showed up and started telling me how to handle it. This is a personal matter in the Schiavo family. Everyone else should stay the fuck out of their business.

I was talking to Max today about our pessimistic attitudes. People say we're negative. But you know what? We enjoy being negative. We enjoy doing things out of spite. For example, it's election time here on campus, and running are the yellow people and the green people. I don't know their names but those are the colors of their signs. A guy from the yellow camp came and talked to us while we were trying to get inside without being bothered. So we decided that if we were going to vote, we'd vote for the green people to spite the yellow people. Today we decided that this is a perfectly legitimate reason to do something. So if you know some pessimists or spiteful people, leave them alone, because that's all they really want. You have no idea how annoying it is to hear about how negative we are, or how quiet we are, or how we never smile. We smile. We talk. But we only do these things when we're around people we like. If we don't talk to you or smile at you, we don't like you. That's that. Go spite!

On basketball: It's boring. But it's marginally less boring during this march madness business, if only because of my strange affinity for brackets.

Snow sucks and I don't like walking in it because my shoes are old and have holes in them and my feet get cold and wet.

We made it back alive. There were some sketchy moments, but we managed to make it to and from Texas with no tickets and no deaths. The 14 hour drive into Dallas started at 3pm and ended around 5:30am Texas time. Then though I was too tired to do anything else and just wanted to go inside, Cam said it was too early (he was probably right) and so we drove around until 7, then we went inside and passed out on the couch or floor, depending on who we are.... yeah. So the next day we went via train and saw some of downtown Dallas, including where JFK was shot. We went through the museum. Outside crazy conspiracy guys talked to us and tried to get us to buy their crazy conspiracy books. Then we went to a delicious barbecue place that had fried okra! I was so excited! I ate it and it was delicious! I forgot I was in the south and wondered why they had fried okra. Then I remembered where in America Texas is.

Saint Patrick's day we didn't go out. We went and saw Sideways for free because Dave is a master lockpicker. Or he worked at the theater and knows how to do that. It was good but could have been half an hour-15 minutes shorter. Anyway... oh, that's what we did that day. On 7 bucks we played lazer tag, putt putt golf, and arcade games. Yay for middle of the day, midweek specials. I came in second in putt putt. I'm no good at lazer tag. I lost both games of air hockey. But I had a good time. And we met Dave's girlfriend and she seemed cool, but we were all tired so we didn't get much socializing in.

Third day was the Against Me! concert in Houston, which, despite being right next to Dallas on a map, is four hours away. We ate at a cajun place because Cam had never had Cajun food being from Oregon. It was good but the green beans tasted funny. Then we drove. Watched the concert, at which they played Impact, which they said they'd never play again, plus six new songs. The four opening acts were nothing to shout about. They ranged from bad (O Pioneers, Communique) to mediocre (Saw Wheel, Smoke or Fire). The place was all tiny though, which made for a good energy, but bad being able to see and enjoy the music show. Then we drove all 17 hours back home. We were driving having had no sleep for 27 hours. It was very bad and I don't think I would do it again. But it's like free drugs. Which is good or bad. We ate at IHOP smelling like cigarettes from the concert and sweat, our hair was all messed up, we hadn't shaved in a week. We couldn't think straight to talk to the waiter. Then I came home and went to sleep for like 14 hours.

Today I tried to read but I don't think it's happening. Too hard to transition back into school after all that time off. We visited lovely Kanorado, which is a scary, scary town. We got saved from tickets twice. The first time this guy kept following me no matter how fast I went, so I got upset, then he got pulled over instead of me. The second time we were following someone and I had to pee. Then we found them pulled over down the road a ways. Gas is expensive. The new Lucero song on the Atticus comp is way good. I'm hungry.

On the eve of the great Texas adventure, I am full of hope. Hope that this trip will be fun, that the concerts will rock, that it'll give me an excuse to listen to 34 hours of music, that I'll get a little bit of reading done, and that I'll maybe be able to think about my life enough to figure out what I want out of it. I'm going to make a delicious breakfast burrito tomorrow morning, pack lots of turkey and cheese and bread, some granola bars, combine this food with Cam's stash, and head out. If we live, which I don't see any reason why we wouldn't, I'm sure there'll be stories to be told. For example, if we drive by the World's Biggest Gopher, you can bet your ass we're taking pictures. So the 15th is the drive. We leave at about 2, get in to Dallas on the 16th about 9am. Sleep. Go to Queens of the Stone Age that night. The next day is Saint Patrick's Day, which I'm sure we'll spend out with Dave. Then, the 18th, is Against Me! Then we'll either sleep or just come back, getting back on the 19th or 20th. Wish us good luck.

Cam and I went hiking up Greyrock the other day and it was way awesome. I'm still sore two days later, but that's because I'm out of shape. The hike up kind of sucked, and the hike down definitely sucked (except for the rock, which was pretty neat), but up at the top, above all the trees, away from all the people, you can just see for miles. It's not quite a spiritual experience, but it's as close as I can remember coming. The wind was blowing like a motherfucker, and I felt like I could die at any minute because hopping along narrow rocks is not my specialty. But it was great, and I'd do it again anytime. Maybe even by myself when I just need some time to think things over. We took lots of pictures, which I'm sure some of you will be getting at some point because I think they're neat. Great scenery. It turns out there is some bonus to living in the mountains. I guess (and here I go again, getting all philosophical) that the lesson I'm learning is if you just look around, there's so much interesting stuff. You don't have to just settle down into a job or school and just do nothing but work all the time. That's just the image society portrays. Honestly, people get all worked about about all the minor shit, myself included, but fuck it man, just take some time for yourself. Hop in the car and go somewhere. Not a tourist attraction or anything, just drive somewhere new. It's so interesting, to me anyway, to see new places and things, yet I never actually take time to do anything. I get all involved in all my stupid reading, and Subway, and all that kind of mundane everyday stuff, that I don't even take the time to notice that the mountains pop up from nowhere just to the west of here. I never drive up the Poudre and enjoy the scenery. I don't try to meet new people. I just kind of wallow around not doing anything. But this spring break, I'm not going back to Conifer. I'm going somewhere new. I'm trying new things. It's going to be a great trip, if only because it'll get me out of Fort Collins, out of this part of the country, away from everything I see every god damn day of the year, and into a whole new place. I don't have to be myself, really, because none of these people I see down there will ever see me again (except Cam). It's so liberating. So what if it's just Texas, and everyone's been to Texas? I'm doing my best to be optimistic here, and that's not easy for me. Anyway, that's all. Have a good spring break, everyone who goes to CSU. If it's not your spring break, then just have a good week. Try not to let life break your spirit.

Here's a super depressing thought: somewhere there are people who actually enjoy watching The Simple Life. You know, that show with the stupid Hiltons and they're doing stupid things because they're stupid? Yeah. Well, that thought was enough to send me into a downward spiral of despair and melancholy that I have not yet been able to free myself of. Ok, that's an exaggeration, but still. It's true and that makes me worry about the world we're living in.

Speaking of worrying about the world we're living in, you should. There's just so much shit going on. Although my main sources of news are The Daily Show and Real Time with Bill Maher, I've got to be more informed than those nitwits who believe Fox News is a news channel. The things I've been hearing about recently, they scare me. Check out this bit Bill Maher did on his show a couple of weeks ago:

MAHER: And finally, New Rule: Leave the children behind! At least, that is, until they learn something. A new survey finds that only half of America's high schoolers think newspapers should be allowed to publish without government approval. And almost one in five said Americans should be prohibited from expressing unpopular opinions. Hey, let me tell you little darlings something: this is my livelihood you're screwing with now! So either learn the Bill of Rights, or you don't deserve Social Security. Now, to those of you who think I am over-reacting, yes, I understand that being in high school is still very young, and no one really cares what kids say anyway. It's not like priests are dating them for their brains. But the younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority. And what is so frightening here is that we are seeing the beginnings of the first post-9/11 generation, kids who first became aware of the news under an "Americans need to watch what they say" administration, kids who've been told that dissent is un-American, and therefore justifiably punished by fine, imprisonment or loss of your show on ABC.

I've used colons a lot in this entry: that's a fact.

It's been a while since I've written something in here. Not like anyone's complaining. But that's due to me not having a lot of time to write in here and me not having a lot of stuff in my life that's interesting enough to waste your time with.

I've also ended a lot of sentences in this entry prepositions with (5).

Before Spring Break, there was a really good show at the Court Square Theater. It was the first WXJM sponsored show of the semester, and three bands played: some guy (I missed his act because I was chained behind the cage [the ticket booth]), Invert (really good), and the Rachels (really, really good) (with or without an apostrophe, I'm not sure). Invert is a 4-piece with two cellos, a violin, and a viola. I know you're thinking, "That's a kick-ass combo," and it sure is. The Rachels/Rachel's is an instrumental band that played some silly trying-way-too-hard-to-be-artsy videos during their set, but the music was good, and that's the important thing.

For Spring Break I went to New York for a few days with Yannos and his swell buddies Terry and Mike. A fun time was had by all. Here are the highlights in 30 seconds: Central Park on a brisk, overcast winter afternoon. The 24 hour market across the street with everything you could ever want to eat - and more. "Death alley," which is easily accessible by opening the large window in your 12th floor hotel bathroom that has zero bars/locks/other preventative measures whatsoever. The Comedy Love Call (more on this later). Riding the subway. Finding handicapped accessible subway stops. Not finding handicapped accessible subway stops. Not relying on cars for transportation. Being able to find really good pizza at 1 in the morning on a Monday night/Tuesday morning. Plasma screen TVs and really bad cable programming. The promenade that overlooks Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge on a breezy, cool night. All the dining experiences (some Polish, some Chinese, some Italian - all very good). Feeling discriminated in Chinatown. Yannos swindling himself out of 3 bucks and a copy of "The Onion." Times Square at night. That feeling that you're never alone, that there's always something going on, that what's around you is beautiful and you're a part of it.

Parenthases have also been an integral part of this entry (but when have they not?).

So, the Comedy Love Call. What was it? It was a comedy show benefiting autism research and some amazing people stopped by to do stand-up routines/skits. People like: Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, Stephen Colbert and Stone Philips (Stone was quite the surprise), Al Franken (another surprise), David Spade (yet another surprise), Conan O'Brien and Max Weinberg (Max was, you guessed it, another surprise), Adam Sandler, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Horatio Sanz, and Triumph. And music by Fountains of Wayne and other people I didn't recognize. Yes, it was amazing. Yes, it was incredible. Yes, I got an overpriced t-shirt. But why not? It was a once in a lifetime deal, so I splurged.

The rest of my break will be less exciting, but much more relaxing. I will finally catch up on some much needed sleep and some much needed fun reading (currently: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers and McSweeney's Mammoth Collection of Thrilling Tales). In music land, you should listen to Lagwagon's Live in a Dive, Explosions in the Sky's The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place, and pre-order Fingers Cut Megamachine's self-titled CD - it'll be sure to impress. Until next time, keep your mind out of your pants your hand hands out of the gutter.

So today's Charlie's birthday. Happy 21st. Yay. To celebrate, Danny and Charlie and I went to Hooters and played trivia. We placed third and won ten dollars, which we promptly used to pay for our alcohol tally. I have to give a shout out to Cam for pulling through on the tie breaker question for us. Compuserve. Genius. Sometimes I wish I still didn't drink. Things were a lot cheaper back then. Tomorrow Cam and Charlie and I are going out for Charlie's birthday part 2, and we're going to the Rio for margarita night, then proceeding...somewhere else, probably. Who knows. Not having class early on Thursday is good. Then Thursday I'm taking Charlie to the airport so he can go to Florida for spring break. Huzzah.

I know I've said this before, and I know I've got some backing on this, but geese suck. I propose legislation that says if I see a goose standing in the middle of the road shitting on things, I can hit it with my car instead of waiting for it to take its sweet time to move out of the road. Geese should be made extinct. I walk to school to save gas and the environment and all that crap, and to get a little exercise, and it'd be nice to be able to look at where I'm going instead of making sure I'm not stepping in goose crap. Speaking of crap, there's some dog crap on my path too, and I'm having a good time watching it decompose over the past few weeks.

I got a story published in the honors literary magazine. The story is "Forever" and can be found at the website listed to the right. It's pretty cool. I'm going to submit some stories to a contest in the hopes of winning $1500. Right. That'll happen.

Listen to Armchair Martian.

The Facebook has become addicting. I like browsing through all these groups and crap. Damn that website. It has put me back in contact with some high school buddies, and that's kind of cool, I guess. Also, Mark Hanks from high school emailed me the other day and Mark is a cool cat.

I guess I'd like to take this time to thank my friends for being cool guys and all the stuff that's associated with that. I'm sure there was more stuff I was going to say, but I really can't remember any of it. I have to start writing things down.

I'm sick of Christians and I'm sick of children. Let me expound on this. Yeah, I said expound. Anyway, every day there are either a group of Christians out in the plaza yelling about how I'm going to hell and handing out free bibles, or there are assholes in bright red jackets asking me if I have a second for Save the Children. I have plenty of seconds, but I don't have a second for Save the Children. There are too many people in the world already. I'll come back to the Christians, but let's look at the red jackets. First, they're all hippies, and nobody likes hippies but other hippies. Second, they wander around with their clipboards like they're all important. Third, what I always liked about charities is how they exist, but they're not all pushy. Like sometimes you'll get something in the mail or a phone call, and that's kind of pushy, but these guys are all up in your face telling you to save the children. I'm busy trying to save myself here, I don't have time for kids. If anyone's kids are getting saved, they're mine, and since I don't have any, then I don't care. Screw those guys and the kids they want to save. The kids should tell them to back off if they want to get saved. Maybe just set up a booth or something, then people could wander over and save children of their own accord. I need to get a clipboard and walk up to those red jacket people and be like "Hey, do you have a second for Remove the Annoying Save the Children People from My Plaza so's I can Walk to and from Class Without Having to Walk Around them?"

Back to the Christians, it's not that I have a problem with them so much as I'm just bored with Christianity. We're a Christian nation, everyone's well versed in Christianity. I'm just tired of seeing those guys out there every day. I think it would be much more interesting and fun if we had some Mulsims or Hindus or Buddhists, or, even better, some crazy fuckers who think that UFOs brought God to Earth a long time ago and built the pyramids. I do have a secondfor those guys.

I thought this walking to class business would help me lose some weight, but nope. Of course, my constant making of delicious brownies probably doesn't help any. Nor does the fact that Taco Bell is right across the street. But whatever.

My body is attacking me for living in such a dry climate. Get the hell out of Colorado! it yells. I'm all rashed up because my skin is so dry, and my lotion isn't doing anything. It sucks. So, accordingly, Cam and I will be driving to Texas for Spring Break. Why Texas? Because we want to watch concerts, and it just so happens that Queens of the Stone Age and Against Me! are having concerts within a few days of each other. So we're hopefully going to stay with Dave, who goes to school/lives down there now. 17 hours is a long drive, but we're too poor to stay in hotels, so it's a straight shot there and back. God, I'm looking forward to leaving this state.

Check this out. It's not even 1 yet and I've already taken Leslie to the airport today, registered the car at the DMV, and filled out the scholarships application. Man, I'm awesome. So now my car has license plates, and Leslie is on her way out to Vienna, Virginia for a hedonistic, debauchery filled weekend. My girlfriend is insane. Anyway, without her around I'll be doing a lot of homework and crap this weekend, so anyone who reads this should feel free to make me do anything else. I want to play baseball. I wish I had seventeen friends or so.

In other news, I had Chilis' cheesesteak last night for dinner, and it was delicious. I'd never had it before, but since Chilis gets rid of everything I usually eat I was forced to try something new. So that's my new regular. Which means it won't be on the menu next time I go.

In other other news, I wrote a new story which has critics baffled as to whether or not it's good. And I still haven't actually read it since I wrote it, so I'm on the fence too. Oh crap, I broke a nail. Hold up.... Sorry about that. So that story might go up on the site sometime. But it might not. If you want to read it I'll send it to you. Just ask.

Alright, my mind is dry. There's other things I could talk about, like how I have to do some psychology lab-ratting, or... several other things, probably. But I have to go put my contacts in at some point and go to work, so I'll maybe do that now instead of typing anymore. CIAO

I have like 20 minutes before I need to start walking to class. I'm listening to Bad Astronaut and Armchair Martian's split CD and it's making me feel excellent. Those are two bands who both need to come out with something new. I love Drag the River and all, but if AM came out with a new CD (not a retrospective, planned for later this year, but a new CD) I would pee my pants in joy. Also, Bad Astronaut announcing a new CD would cause me to have multiple orgasms.

So after three weeks we've already spent 800 bucks or so fixing my car. But hopefully once I get it back it will be good for a long time. I don't know why I can't pick cars that work. I do everything everyone tells me, but it just doesn't happen. Of course, I could just blame all this on the fact that the cars in my price range are fairly high mileage, and at a point where stuff breaks. Things break down. I guess it can't be helped.

I'm really far ahead in all my classes, which is giving me trouble. I'm afraid that I might get all cocky and not do anything for a week and fall behind. So I'm trying to stay up on things. But videogames are calling me louder than ever. So I have this class, Literature and Social Sensitivity, which I never wanted to take. But I was signed up for a Linguistics class, which actually sounded interesting, and it got cancelled, so now I'm back in yet another pointless, stupid literature class. The teacher didn't even know he'd be teaching it until four days before the semester started. I just bought the books yesterday. The class is terrible. The reading load looks terrible. I want to file a formal complaint with the school, but I don't know who to complain to. I need to bitch about how being a writing major means taking too many reading classes, how the honors program sucks, and how I'm paying all this money to go to school here and I'm not getting shit for quality classes. I am, however, taking two interesting psychology classes. Too bad it's too late to change my major to psych, or even minor in it. My bad.

Relationships are hard sometimes.

People who like hip hop, go get Sage Francis' new CD, "A Healthy Distrust." It is very good. Lagwagon's live CD came out too, but the Finest loves making me angry. It was written on their new release board, but I asked for it and they said they didn't know it came out. Right. Apparently they don't read so good. So it's still not there and I'm not happy. If I get my car back sometime, I'll just go to Best Buy and get it.

Everyone should find all three versions of Statler. One called Statler #3, one called The Statler Pat, and one called Statler 2000. Two by Armchair Martian, one by Bad Astronaut. That song will change your life.

I wish I could be as optimistic as Eric. He inspires me sometimes. I guess things move in circles. They're kind of down right now. I can see them getting better soon.

If you thought I didn't care last semester, this semester will be an impressive bout of apathy. See, here's my thing. I hate school. I want to drop out. But, I have only two more semesters to go, so I have to bite my tongue and just do it. Here's where the trouble comes in. Right now what I want to do is get straight C's and graduate and do something, anything, else. But back in my naive younger days when I signed up for this god forsaken english major, I also succumbed to the honors program. They sent me confetti in the mail, how could I refuse? But the thing is, I'm stuck in it now. I have to not only maintain a certain GPA, but I have to take "honors" classes. What is an honors class, you ask? It's a class much like a normal class, but with more work. In fact, the university I attend offers no honors english classes, so I have to make my own using an "Honors Option" form. What that means is I ask my teacher to give me more work in exchange for calling that class an "honors class." So what? Here's what. Instead of going deeper into subjects or doing mentally interesting and challenging things, I have to write more papers. More work. This is the honors program, and it sucks. When I signed up to the promise of more challenging, rewarding work for my extremely intelligent mind, I didn't realize that meant doing more of the same shit than normal people. And for what? Well, I didn't have to take a lot of shitty 100 level classes. And I got priority registration. But at this point, when I'm completely dissatisfied with the education I'm receiving (reading books and writing papers about them is not an education, it's just busy work), that's not worth it. If I had to do it all over again, I would take those stupid 100 level classes, register with the rest of my class, and coast on my lazy ass through this. Because the amount of love you take is equal to the love you make, according to the Beatles, sages for the ages, and this school is not making any love to me. I have no idea if that makes any sense. It sounded better before I wrote it. What it boils down to is this: I have no interest in this school because this school has not educated me so much as it has made me do more high school like busy work for four years, and I am fucking sick of it. Fuck college.

Anyway... I got my No Idea and Fat CDs the other day, finally, and I have been a much happier person ever since. Not that the above paragraph demonstrates that at all. But here we go: Against Me! is officially the best band ever. Or close. The acoustic EP is great, the DVD is awesome, and I would marry Tom Gable if it wasn't illegal. Gunmoll is also very good. Fifth Hour Hero seem to grow with every release. And on an unrelated note, if you haven't heard my spiel about Heiruspecs, this band will seriously renew your faith in hip hop. They are that good. Music saves the day! Ironically, Saves the Day isn't that good anymore.

Cartoons are excellent. Futurama is excellent. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is excellent. I don't know how people can tell you drugs are bad when they caused the Beatles' later work, and almost certainly caused ATHF. Drugs are good!

I have a new car. It is good. Thank you Dad for helping me, hopefully this one lasts for a while. It's a 2000 Ford Escort ZX2 and it is very fun to drive. Resident Evil 4 is out and I'd go buy it but I can't be spending money right now. Plus I still have to beat Paper Mario, Prince of Persia, and Megaman before I get it. That's my reasoning. But I do get sexually aroused every time I even think of playing it.

I got my new driver's license today. I look high in the picture. I'm pretty sure I smiled, but I think the guy managed to take it right before I did, so I have this stupid half smile on my face. Good stuff. I know their tricks to make you look stupid in your ID picture. The guy says "I'll take the picture on the count of three," and then he takes it at like 2.5, catching you while you're adjusting your face to your picture face. Sneaky.

Brian also posted here today, and his post is very happy and all jolly and other words that mean the same thing. I made delicious brownies. I am a master chef!

Happy new year, everyone. It's late, I know, but since when have Adam or I ever been punctual about, well, anything? I rest my case. I hope you had a good new year and blah blah blah blah blah blah. You've heard it all before, that's nothing new. January's almost over, there's no need for me to go back over that stuff. So it's 2005 now and that's still confusing me. Whenever I have to write the date, I always write "04" at the end, cause I'm dumb. That'll probably trip me up for another month, then maybe I'll get my act together.

Here we go, let's list some of
Brian's New Year's Resolutions

1. Start cooking real food: I'm doing pretty well with this, thus far. I got sick of always making the prepackaged stuff, so it's time I expand my cooking horizons. I'm gonna make the homemade pizza more often and learn how to fix chicken in more ways than just one (barbecue, even though that's really, really good). Not only that, but those vegetable things I hear about might enter the diet more often, too. We'll see.

2. Expand music horizons even more: I'm doing really well with this, thus far. Over break I got into Explosions in the Sky's "The Earth is not a Cold Dead Place" EP, and it is stunning. You really should check that out. Adam also told me about Heiruspecs, and they sound like an awesome hip hop group, so I'll be checking them out as soon as I possibly can. So indie rock instrumental/experimental bands and maybe some good underground hip hop, that's the direction I'd like to go in. Both are two genres I never thought I'd be interested in, but have recently really enjoyed listening to. I think that's all the proof one needs to realize that people do grow, that people do change. So go with it. The worst that can happen is I go back to thinking hip hop and rap suck and that instrumentals are boring. But I don't see how you can't be hooked on Explosions in the Sky after one listen of the song "Your Hand in Mine." Awesome.

3. Stop being so "angsty": I actually gave up on this a while ago, but I figure it's a good trend to continue. It's amazing how your life can turn around when you stop hating everything. Not like I hated everything before, but still. I almost feel less jaded now. I feel happy. This past week has been good. Some amazing things have happened, things I just couldn't have imagined. Could it have been a better week? Sure. It wasn't perfect by any means. But it was good. And if this is what it feels like to be feeling good, then I can't wait to see what feeling great is like. Bring it on.

Forgive me for ending that last sentence with a preposition. See, I'm taking a grammar course this semester. But it's not a normal grammar course, it's a grammar theory course. "What the crap do you learn in that?" you may ask. I'd like to tell you, but I can't. After three class periods I still don't really know where we're going in that class. Just that we won't be diagramming sentences. Not in the traditional way, anyway. Maybe there's some modern way of diagramming that's super complex and even less fun than the old way. The advancements in sentence diagramming technology, let me tell you about it. In a few months from now, that is, when I've maybe possibly gone over it in class.

The WXJM webcast is now up. So you hooligans out there in Colorado can now listen to our shenanigans out here in Virginia. Just look in the profile of WXJM DJ, there's a link. Our show's pretty good. And I don't often say that about things I'm associated with. Or, shall I say, "And I don't often say that about things with which I'm associated." That's a stupid grammar rule.

We got the first snowfall of the winter last week. It was pretty. I like snow when it's not a blizzard, but it still falls steadily. It's a nice payoff for the bitterly cold temperatures we had to endure this whole time. Waking up a 8 in the morning when it's in the teens outside is a real motivator to go to class, that's for sure.

I've been running on 4.5 hours of sleep every day this week. I don't know how much longer I will be able to function like this. The problem is, it's not like the work load is ever going to ease up. Thus presenting a problem. And, seeing as how I naturally have an aversion towards problems, I probably won't try to solve it, I'll just see how far I can go until I break. Which leads me to...

4. Stop making these stupid "breaking point" tests for myself: Pretty self explanatory, I don't think I need to expand on that too much. Although massive amounts of reading that I cram into one night falls under this category, sometimes I really can't help it, there's just too much other shit I've gotta get done, so reading that's due on Wednesday is not my priority until my work for Tuesday is done (which is usually around the early AM of Tuesday). That was an example of a run-on sentence, and I don't care because I use commas when I should use periods, but, you know, whatever, I think sometimes long sentences are good, even if they are a bit wordy and make it difficult for the reader to read. Cool, I'm two for two.

All right, that's four. That's good enough for now. Tonight I plan on sleeping for three times as long as I have each night this week. That sounds like a wonderful plan. But, like I said, even with the lack of sleep, this week has been good. I hope you've had a good week, too. If so, wonderful. If not, I'm sorry. It won't always be like this. Go listen to Explosions in the Sky and let your mind wander. I seriously think that helped me sort things out. I have no idea how, but that's just the power of music. Ok, enough dorky proclamations regarding music. Catch you guys on the flip side. Oh, and I'll leave you with this inauguration day song. Sing loud, sing proud:

I'm so happy we have such stability
secured in the office of our presidency.
Cause those gays they degrade the sacred vows between Mark and Georgie
even more than polygamy, incest, and orgies.

Who cares about the Constitution, that thing is so damn old.
Why, I bet it wouldn't even allow corporate conglomerates - so I'm told.
But I'm content just waving my AK47 down the street
and shouting "girly men!" at all the liberals I meet.

So sing with us now the praises of our bestest president.
Cause we hold these truths to be oh so self evident.

I'm so happy that stem cell research won't be viable,
cause those dead fetuses are just like you and me, and we're liable to protect their lives,
not some dumb foreign nation that's just survived a tsunami attack
with 350 thousand dead -- let's just give them a pat on the back.

Who cares about the environment, that thing is so far gone
that my jetski and SUV can't possibly be harming that swan.
We were right to invade Iraq, even under false pretenses,
cause Saddam Hussein had ties to al Qaeda, it makes perfect sense.

So sing with us now the praises of our bestest president.
Cause we hold these truths to be oh so self evident,
that he's our bestest president,
a c-average student,
our president.

Here's something that troubles me: On IMDB's Top 250 movies as voted by their users, all three Lord of the Rings movies make it in the top 10. Ok, now, admittedly it's my own fault for seeing the third movie without knowing anything about the other two, but still. Was it visually impressive? Sure. Was it entertaining? Why not. Was it so great it belongs among the top 10 movies of all time? Doubtful. I mean, how can those three movies beat out such awesome films as The Usual Suspects, Rear Window, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Dr. Strangelove, Memento, American Beauty, and a slew of others? I don't get it. However, if there's one thing I do like on that list, it's Citizen Kane not making the top 10 by a hair. I understand its importance, but if you make me watch that movie one more time, I'll projectile vomit on your face, Exorcist style. Like that? A movie joke when I'm talking about movies... Yeah, no one cares.

Here's something else that troubles me: The Old Navy commercial(s) where they take a well known and highly despised Christmas carol and change the words to fit whatever it is they're trying to sell. Old Navy has really done a great job producing commercials that make me want to chuck the TV out the window whenever one of their spots comes on. Remember that one from last summer, or two summers ago, with the ultra-buff surfer guy saying, "Toes on the nose, bro!" Yeah, that's a good enough excuse to execute the genius who came up with that lovely line.

I'm really not feeling that Scrooge-ish or anything, but that commercial makes me think bad thoughts about the holiday season. So, for the record, I'm not really that humbuggish.

Adam's birthday is today/tomorrow/last week, depending on when you're reading this. So let's all take a moment to, with fancy font techniques, wish him a Happy Birthday. That looks way too girly, but I don't care enough to change it. And, much like the nice message he ended with in his last entry (creating a nice contrast with my curmudgeonly entry), I'd like to wish the fine people I know a wonderful holiday season and a great new year. If you read this, then you fall under that category. And if you don't read this, then you're none the wiser, so I won't have to mention you anyway, jackass.

I went to the dentist yesterday. That's always a pleasant and enjoyable experience, huh? So they told me I have a cavity (albeit a very, very small one) on my back molar. What's up with this? I brush my teeth at least twice a day (and for a very long time) and I floss! I floss, damn it! Shouldn't that count for anything? But I guess not. A cavity is my punishment. Figures. Moral of the story: Don't floss, it doesn't account for shit. I guess I can grow up to be that 5th dentist, then. The one, just to spite statistics, that refuses to go with the consensus.

In other news, today we finally broke free from the shackles of a dial-up modem and converted to Verizon DSL. It's great. And my soul feels healed from not having to rely on AOL any longer. I think I might just be a better person from here on out. Now, don't go thinking these crazy thoughts like "Oh, that means he'll be able to update this thing more often!" or anything, since that's just not happening. But hey, who knows. Stranger things have happened.

It's winter break and that means no reading for me. Well, that's not true, since I've been reading America: The Book by Jon Stewart and the other funny and intelligent writers of The Daily Show. It's hilarious, as if "by Jon Stewart and the other funny and intelligent writers of The Daily Show" wasn't a give-away. Highly recommended, so pick it up you hooligans.

All right, I think I've wasted enough of everyone's time. But before I go, let me leave you with these words: This is a time to be happy. We're all discouraged, we're all fed-up, we're all tired of something, but hey, let's forget about that for a little while. It's going to be 2005 soon. 2005. How crazy is that? Remember all the Y2K hype? Remember the excitement that came along with the approach of the first palindromatic year of the millennium? Remember how we all looked forward to 2004 with hopes that we'd be able to evict that moron Bush out of office by the end of the year? Well, that's all past. It's done. Let's bury our defeat with the other days and weeks and months and years we've already catalogued. This is a new chapter, and it's labeled "All The Things You Could Want... And Then Some." And it's opening at a theater near you. Check it out sometime.

I'm going home today and to Georgia tomorrow. I'll be back on January 2, so after that date, you, dear reader, and I, enlightened writer, should hang out. My birthday is December 23, so when I come back I'll actually be able to go places with those of my friends who are older than me (basically everyone I know except Eric and Charlie).

Monday I had this class party for my creative writing class, which I expected to suck, but turned out to be pretty fun. I didn't do anything to alter my mind, but I did like hanging out with the folks (most of them) from that class. There's some interesting characters in there. It makes me wish I'd tried talking to some of them earlier. Oh well. Caleb is graduating on Saturday, so happy graduation to him. Max and Justin and Kate and Brooke and Melissa, I guess I'll see you guys next semester at some point.

Me and Leslie (yes, that's right, me and Leslie) played dominoes with Caleb and a couple of his friends last night. I don't think I've ever actually played dominoes, but it was pretty fun. It was hard to think for various reasons, such as it being ridiculously late, but I won. Because I am the master of cards (except for that I never win) and dominoes is basically like a card game. Good stuff. Maybe I'll ask for some dominoes for my birthday or Christmas, and teach everyone how to play.

I won this contest, the "Fan of the Week" contest, at Suburban Home Records. So if you go to www.suburbanhomerecords.com this week and click the "Fan of the Week" button at the top of the page, you can see me. I won a CD of my choice, and I chose the new Laymen Terms album, which is really really good. Their last full length, "Since Last December" was a good album,but the new one, "Drive to Nowhere: Verity's Novel" expands on it in just about every way. It's good stuff, believe you me. I also got the new Suburban Home Distro compilation CD. I don't know if anyone cares, but Suburban Home is a local record label with five bands on their roster, and they put out a bunch of stuff from other labels. So if you're at all into supporting music instead of big corporations, I'd really suggest you check out some bands on their label (The Gamits [catchy fun punk], Laymen Terms [excellent guitar driven rock], Love Me Destroyer [harder but still catchy rock], The Aeffect [interesting techno pop stuff]) or check out their distro catalog (Alkaline Trio, Against Me!, among others) and order some stuff from them. It gets to us here in Colorado in a day or so, and across the country in a week or two. And it's all really reasonably priced. So that's my spiel.

School and work are over for the semester. Thank Jove for that. I should be getting about all B's, because that's the amount of effort I put out this semester. That doesn't bother me at all. On a positive note about work, my good friend from last semester, Mackenzie, is coming back to Subway next semester. Hopefully she works with me because I enjoy her hateful attitude towards everyone, because I'm like that. It's a pessimism filled hate fest when we work together, and it makes things more bearable. On the negative side, my clothes smell like Subway and I want to vomit.

I sold my books back for some money. I went twice because I had a ton of books and I didn't want to see that "I'm going to kill you" look in the bookstore guy's eye. Last time I went I took all my books at once and the guy seriously looked like he could attack me at any second. So I was supposed to get a coupon for a free burrito for selling 75 bucks worth of books, but the first day I didn't get one even though I sold 90 bucks. The second day I only sold 72 bucks or so, but I got one because I flirted with the gay guy working there. I must be damn sexy in my contacts, which I wear on almost a daily basis now. I don't wear them on days when I sleep too late and have to get somewhere, because I'm still not all that quick about getting them on (5-10 minutes seems to be the norm). And getting them off is a debacle indeed. But I do like them better than glasses once they're in, because there's no weight on the nose, and there's no outline where I can't see. Now I just need to wait another couple months to get my supply refilled with the right prescription.

Happy Birthday to Trista, who turned 21 on December 10.

And happy holidays to the following people, and absolutely no one else: Leslie, Brian, Mom, Dad, Aaron, Afton, Grandma, Grandpa, Mary Beth, Janet, Kirsten, Alysia, Clay, Jeremy, Diane, Liz, Todd, Cam, Eric, Charlie, Carolina, Trista, Caleb, Michelle, Brooke, Max, Justin, the rest of my family, Brian's family, Leslie's family, and the guys who make South Park and Drawn Together.

I think if you took a poll of hair length related to what level a person is in college, you'd find that freshmen have the longest hair on average. I think this is because they're all "free" now that they're not at home and they don't have to cut their hair. They also have a little strut to their walk that goes away after freshman year when they realize that nobody thinks they're cool. This is my freshmen observation of the day.

So I'd appreciate it if this ice would melt on the sidewalks because I'm sick of looking like an ass almost falling down.

I got the foam thing for my bed yesterday and I put it on today and tonight should be comfortable.

Last night I went down to Greeley (where it smells strongly of ass) to hang out with Leslie and her friend Heather. We played Mario vs Donkey Kong at Borders until Heather got off, then went back to her house and ordered pizza and played Simpsons Life, which is Life, basically. I lost pretty bad. I only had 800,000 bucks at the end. Leslie won with like 1.16 million dollars. At this point in my life, losing the game of Life that bad was pretty depressing. It's just a board game, though, right?

I did my presentation on Saul Williams last week. It went fine. Thanks for your concern. People laughed, and I'm fairly sure it was with me and not at me, so that's always good.

Tomorrow is a homework day. Which means I'll find any excuse to not do homework. I only have a week of school left, you'd think I could muster up some enthusiasm for the last week, but no. I did write a paper today, though. It's solid B work, which is all I can handle right now because I hate all things English at this point in my education. At least I don't have any finals.

Tomorrow night is the Subway Christmas party. Every time I show up to work people ask if I'm going to the party. I might go, except for one thing. It's at Subway. But who knows, even though I checked the "No, I ain't coming to your party" box on the sign up form, I might go make a cameo. There's supposed to be some cake. Plus all my adoring fans at work would like to see me. But it's at Subway. And I hate that place. Meh. Cake.

You ever get the feeling that something's missing in your life, but you don't know what? That's a weird little feeling.

I watched the Eternal Sunshine commentary tonight. It was pretty weak. But I watched the movie anyway and it's still one of my all-time favorites. Which means when I make my parents watch it they won't get it, but whatever.

Leslie's supposed to come up tomorrow after she works. She IMed me while I was watching the movie and told me I could come down to Heather's house again tonight, but it's too late now. And I'm retarded and deleted the IM with Heather's phone number in it. So... yeah. My bad. I feel bad now. So... yeah. I think that's all.

So that was Thanksgiving. Good food. I think the pumpkin pie was a little much, but yeah. That's the point of Thanksgiving, is to eat a lot, right? To give thanks? What? Yeah... no. So we had the usual couple over for Thanksgiving and it turns out they agree with me on the movies I like. So my mom and Ed have bad taste, not me. I knew it all along.

My Jade Tree order came over the break. I now own the two CDs Denali put out, and I can tell you that if you like ambient, female fronted rock, you should totally get those. This girl's voice is out of this world, it's the band's best instrument. The lyrics are pretty weak, but if you're just listening to Maura Davis sing, sexy stuff. And she's easy on the eyes. But Denali broke up, so I'll never get to see them in concert, which sucks. I bet they were really good live. But Maura's in another band just starting so maybe they'll tour and I can go check out her pipes live. I also got Kid Dynamite's b-sides album which is good stuff. 30 songs in 48 minutes, that's how you know it's a punk band. And I got Me First and the Gimme Gimmes' "Jackson" 7", which I can't listen to because I don't have a record player anymore, but I'll find one and rock out. I got it because I love that band, because it was like 3 bucks, and because it has an unreleased track on it. And because it's limited pressing. Hells yes. Now I'm waiting on my Fat order so I can watch the Against Me! DVD, and my No Idea order so I can rock the fuck out for months. Drag the River also came out with a new EP which came right before break, and it took a while for it to grow on me but I like it now. Jon's songs are awesome, Chad's are... less awesome. Anyway.

Leslie spent the break in Ohio visiting her dad. She hadn't seen him in 4 years and they hadn't been in good standing with one another since he left her mom, but it sounds like they worked things out and they both had a good cry before she left. That's good, I like it when kids get along with their dads, because I get along with mine and I think dads are good people. Especially since one day I might be a dad, and I want my kids to like me.

So Leslie and I spent a couple days together after she got back and it was good time. Relationship problems are officially over. Huzzah.

I watched a bunch of movies over the break. I saw About Schmidt (okay), Something's Gotta Give (pretty good), Darkness Falls (stupid), 21 Grams (pretty good, but also kind of slow), Dawn of the Dead (stupid), Saving Grace (okay), and the third Harry Potter (confusing, either the best or the worst in the series, I can't decide). I totally just copied that from an IM with Brian. I'm lazy. Then I watched Mulholland Drive again, which I really didn't like this time, except for the lesbian scenes which were... uh... artistically done and totally integral to the plot. Right. And the third Lord of the Rings, which is amazing even on the third watch. I need to get all three extended editions.

So Christmas is apparently coming because you can't go anywhere without hearing that godawful music. Leslie and I went out to eat Mexican yesterday and they were playing Christmas music. A month of this shit will drive me insane. My family hates Christmas music. There's some stuff I don't mind, but all this cheer really pisses me off.

Speaking of Christmas, I don't know what I want. The usual TV show DVDs, yeah, and a couple games, but what else? And what the hell do I get Leslie? I need to write my ideas down because I keep coming up with them and forgetting. She says I don't need to buy her anything, but she also says she's buying me stuff. So like Cam and I have discussed, I do need to buy her stuff. That's how it works. So nobody else get me anything, except my family.

My bed has a new comforter, so if anyone wants to come sleep with me (that means you, Eric), you're more than welcome.

And finally, ", said the shotgun to the head" by Saul Williams, is an amazing poem. I'd like one of his CDs because I bet they're good. I don't want to look like an artsy fag because I like this poem about goddess religions, but it's just plain awesome, if you sit down and really read it closely. I need to do that with "She" because I'm starting to see what Leslie sees in this guy. You should all go read "shotgun." Okay.

"I have always derived great comfort from William Shakespeare. After a depressing visit to the mirror or an unkind word from a girlfriend or an incredulous stare in the street, I say to myself: 'Well. Shakespeare looked like shit.' It works wonders."

That quote is from Martin Amis' book "Money." If you like dry, dark humor, that book's for you. If you do not enjoy dry, dark humor, but instead like boring things about boring people (say, professors doing research to piece together the lives of 19th century poets), then A.S. Byatt's "Possession" is right down your alley. 555 pages of dull, boring, pointless pain, that's what it is. Out of the 555 pages, there's one line (15 words) that I find worthwhile. And that line is this: "We are defined by the lines we choose to cross or to be confined by." Good stuff. Too bad the rest of the book isn't as good.

I feel like I'm doing the recommended book thing at the end of an episode of Reading Rainbow. I remember watching that show in second grade. Man, those were the days. Back when all the work I had to do was write out some definitions for vocabulary words, do a few subtraction problems, and maybe practice my cursive. In second grade I also remember laughing very hard at a kid who had to give the plural of "foot" and proudly proclaimed "foots!"

I want to write prose again. I think taking a semester of creative writing poetry makes me realize I can't really write poetry all that well. I mean, I can do it okay, but not consistently great. It's hard. So I think short stories is the route for me. Or dialogue. Dialogue is also really hard to write, but when it's done well it is one of the most impressive things I can think of... Yeah, no one cares about the varying difficulties of different forms of writing, but whatever. This is what I think about.

Speaking of poetry, I guess I'll share the best poem I've written in that class all semester. I've got a couple assignments left, but I doubt I'll be able to top this. Comments/criticism are welcome, as I'd like to make it as polished as I can before I turn it in at the end of the semester. Ok, here goes:

Disclaimer

"Poetry is oral; it is not words, but words performed the real poem is not the scratches on the paper, but the sounds those scratches stand for." - Judson Jerome

I don't do sound.
So if you think you've found
a deep-sea treasure trove of trinkets made sweeter
by lyrical yearning or genius in meter,
scratch that mindset with some matches,
trace the ink until it catches
and, burning, sinks the following pages.
Also: I don't make up words,
(no matter what you've heard)
or have the five stages of dying entwound in lines 22-24.
So hydratize that puerile idea
until it drowns. It's senile.
And you won't find me using
ostentatious or erudite language.
The bind of my thesaurus isn't losing
its trite, unbroken, and languid spine.
Not every word is planned out,
picked to fit the perfect (or imperfect) rhyme,
because I won't sacrifice message for sound.
I've never done it before, and I won't this time
(like the unyielding yells of trains in this town).
And I'd be in denial if I filed these statements under "anger."
Because I love bargaining depression for a feeling from strangers
that borderlines acceptance.
It's worth sorting through the whine and grime of
allusions to the ocean,
a simile entangled with personification,
or clumsy syntax mixed with the max of self-deprecation.
So consider this your final warning:
I'm no good at anything but free verse.
I won't sacrifice message for sound -- you'll see.
Just watch me.

Ta da. So I'm proud of that one. I also spent a lot of time on it, getting all the sounds to work, so it was nice when the whole thing finally came together like that. I'm sure there's something behind that formula (working hard on something = a good product), but I choose to not acknowledge it.

You know what I love? Listening to an old CD you haven't listened to in a long time and discovering that it's just as good as you remembered it. That's such a nice feeling. And also reminded me that I haven't done a Top 10 list of CDs in a while, so why don't I take a stab at that again. So, as of 11/20/04, here is my list of...

Top 10 Punk/Indie CDs
1. Bad Astronaut - Houston, We Have A Drinking Problem
2. The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving
3. Lagwagon - Let's Talk About Feelings
4. Rise Against - Revolutions Per Minute
5. Elliott Smith - XO
6. Osker - Idle Will Kill
7. The Lawrence Arms - Apathy and Exhaustion
8. Junction 18 - This Vicious Cycle
9. Alkaline Trio - Maybe I'll Catch Fire
10. Millencolin - Pennybridge Pioneers

The top 5 are solid, the bottom 5 you can shuffle around however you like. But the bottom line is: if you don't have those 10 records, you should.

Peanut butter crackers are my new snack of choice. Not the cheese crackers with peanut, just normal crackers with peanut butter. Yeah, it's probably got partially hydrogenated whatever in it, but, honestly, what doesn't these days? Besides, it's not like that's going to be the one thing that kills me. Sure, if I continue to eat huge doses of partially hydrogenated junk, then that's no good, but for now, I think I'll be okay. I'm much more concerned with the sexism, racism, and homophobia that seems to preoccupy the moral elite in the south and midwest. Since they're the experts on the subject, right? That reminds me: Go here and laugh.

Brian wrote something in here today too, so in order to not have him shut out, go down and read his entry.

Bjork's Medulla CD is weird stuff, but I'm in the mood for it right now. Things are weird.

There was an awesome concert last night that you should have gone to, but you were too busy with other things, like being a loser. If anyone knows how to find anything about this guitar rock band that played called Red Cloud, let me know, because I'd like to hear some recorded stuff by them, if possible. Drag the River was good as always, and Lucero played a hell of a show. They decided to just keep playing what people wanted, then the band left and the singer played three solo songs that were all really awesome. Thursday is the Dwarves. I think I'm going to go to that. Saturday is Strung Out in Denver, if anyone wants to go to that.

Raymond Carver. Everyone should write that name down and go to a bookstore and buy a collection of his short stories. I'm reading "Will you please by quiet, please?" for class and the stories in there are fantastic. They're all just a little off, the endings don't wrap anything up, but at the same time you're like "wow, that was an enjoyable story."

Just so everyone can stop worrying, Leslie and I had a rough week, but things are on the mend. We were just getting upset about stupid stuff (I was, anyway, she had reason to be upset with me), nothing that's relationship ending, and we've made our way through the sludge and are doing better. She's leaving for Cincinatti (I don't think I spelled that right) on Saturday to see her dad for the first time in about four years, so I say we all wish her a good trip. She's scared and excited to see him again, since she loves him but they don't get along very well. So I for one hope she has a good week.

This semester has flown by. I think I'm pulling about straight B's. This is because I haven't paid attention this semester, really. My bad. I don't care, either, though. I've talked to a few people about it, and I'm just done with this. Essay writing can only take you so far until it bores the shit out of you and you just want to be done and never write anything again.

Icelandic is an interesting sounding language. Bjork's serenading me in it right now. I remember reading the book for lyrics to this song and seeing it written and thinking boy, I like languages. How do you learn to be like an Icelandic/English translator? Who speaks Icelandic, other than people from Iceland?

Waxwing. I bought that CD, "Nobody Can Take What Everybody Owns" a long time ago, then I listened to it a week ago playing Grandia and damn if it isn't a really good album. There's a couple songs on there that just blow me away. Rocky Votolato (singer) used to come play solo shows here all the time it seems like, then I found out about him, and now he's staying away. Damn you, Rocky.

I don't know, it really seems like I had something to say earlier, but I forgot. I had a turkey sandwich, a ham and cheese Michelena's Hot Sub, some cheetos, and a bagel for dinner. Lots of carbs. I want to turn into bread, so I'm eating as many carbs as I can.

I'm tired of reading.

I got interviewed by a high school girl for her school's newspaper regarding stereotypes because she read an article on the site. So I think we're about to become celebrities. You'll be able to say us way back when. Autographs are temporarily on sale for only five bucks.

I just had a great idea. Dillinger Escape Plan. Goodbye.

So I was gonna write some lengthy angry political tirade shortly after the election, but then Adam beat me to it. And then I got caught up in reading. And then I got caught up in research for papers. And then I stopped caring. So, in case you were wondering what my thoughts are about the election (as if you couldn't guess): it sucks. People are dumb fucks. We're screwed. I don't even want to think of what that man will do with this country in four more years. We've taken 28 giant steps backward instead of 2 small ones forward. We're doomed.

But this entry isn't meant to be depressing, so let's get off that topic and move on to... uh... I've got nothing. As always, I have no idea what to talk about.

Last week I read Edward Albee's "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf." If you haven't read it, you should. It's good. You'll be thinking, "what the hell is going on?" for the first hundred pages or so, but it all starts coming together at the end and is very awesome. On a side note: if you haven't heard anything by the band Murder By Death, head on over here and download the track "I'm Afraid of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf." Actually kind of goes along with the play, but it's an amazing song just on its own.

Speaking of my theater survey course, the next play I have to read is called "Buried Child" by Sam Shepard. And the cover of the book is Sam Shepard (I presume) giving this sort of scowl, sort of "what, you want a piece of me or something?" look, and it's really intimidating. Or creepy. Something like that. Regardless, it's not quite the same as looking at Marlon Brando's bare chest on the cover of "A Streetcar Named Desire."

So I can't believe it's November 15th already. This semester has gone by so incredibly fast... I feel like it's been a month, maybe a month and a half, but not three. What's even crazier, though, is going to your local grocery store and being attacked unexpectedly by Christmas carols on the radio. This is not cool. I'm not ready for this yet. It's not even Thanksgiving yet, Mr. DJ! Why don't you hold off on those same 10 songs we've heard a thousand times before for a couple more weeks? Could you do that for me, just this once? I'd appreciate it. I mean, honestly, the least they could do is wait until it's December, at least. Whatever.

Speaking of grocery shopping, there's really nothing more humbling than being insulted by the cashier at a Harrisonburg Kroger. Jesse's buying one yogurt to make a smoothie, and the cashier, while she's ringing up the yogurt, says, "Only one yogurt? You're weird." Then, to cover this, she asks if we're freshmen. One explanation of how we're juniors later, she retorts with, "You don't look that old." I went to Kroger to get food, not to be reminded how young I look. So thanks, cashier at Kroger. Keep up the great work. That's Harrisonbrug for ya.

I've had this discussion with a few people already, so I figured I'd throw it out here for the rest of you (2 additional people) to discuss as well: There's a bunch of 90's alternative that I probably shouldn't still like, but I do. For instance, the Goo Goo Dolls. I don't know what it is about them, but I still really like their songs. Especially their radio songs. They had some good hits. Better Than Ezra is another great 90s alternative band. Bush. Live. Fuel. Green Day. (some) Third Eye Blind (pre-Blue album). Counting Crows. Semisonic. Weezer. Alanis Morisette. Our Lady Peace. Blink 182. Foo Fighters. Sublime. Eve 6. Splender. Gin Blossoms. Smashing Pumpkins. Ben Folds Five. Radiohead. The Offspring. Everclear. Stroke 9. All of those bands had radio songs from the 90's that I liked and still do. So good job to them, I guess.

Adam's turning 21 soon. That means I'm turning 21 not so soon, but not too much longer either. 5 months to the day, actually. Crazy. I'm getting that feeling you always get when you're about to become a year older. We're getting old. Not really.

All right, that's enough rambling for now. Go listen to some great 90's alternative, reminisce, and be happy.

Hey, Karo reads this now and I don't know about you, but I think that's pretty sweet.

One more trip back to the political: I was in poetry class talking to these two girls who voted republican in the election, and it turns out they had no idea that 11 states banned gay marriage/civil unions on election night. So maybe we're not as informed a population as I thought we were. Bush has successfully convinced people that the war is the only issue we should be concerned about. The whole loss of freedom in this country should be overlooked because we're at war. And hey, it worked. Yay Bush!

Okay, seriously, are you getting as tired of me as I am, talking about politics all the time? Me too. I just confused myself.

I totally forgot that the new Ted Leo + The Pharmacists album came out. Basically because punknews didn't review it. Then I saw a review today and I was like hells yeah, I should go get that. So I went down the Finest and it wasn't in the new release rack, so I was like you know what, the Finest blows. Because I get like that whenever they don't have what I want. Then I looked in the real part in the T's, then the L's, and there it was for 6 bucks. So that was cool. What wasn't cool was that they didn't have the new Against Me! DVD, so I had to mailorder that. So since I was mailordering one thing I decided to spend about 150 bucks on music through the mail. Whatever. I can make that back in a week and a half of work. This is what happens when life gets boring: I have to buy music. Or games, but Metroid Prime 2 isn't out yet, and Resident Evil 4 won't be out until next year. So music it is.

I also think that relationship problems had something to do with me dropping all the money on music. Not that I want to bore everyone ("everyone" seems like a haughty word for the three people who read this) with my personal life, but... I do. But my CD ended, so I have to go put Lucero in. Hold up. Alright. I tell you what, your life starts getting you down, you put some Lucero on, and everything gets better. Also, if you ever have to drive anywhere, take any Lucero CD with you and you won't even notice the trip. They're here on Sunday at the Aggie, I just realized, so we should totally go to that (Cam, Charlie, Eric). Lucero and Drag the River. Ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! We have to go, that's all there is to it. Then next Saturday is Strung Out. Man, all of a sudden things seem okay. And holy shit, look at this, next... Thursday is the Dwarves, up here in Fort Collins. Sweet. And look, December 11 Matson Jones is playing. Nice.
I heard the owner of the Starlight overdosed. That place was awesome but they don't really do anything there anymore. That's sad. Their website isn't even up anymore, really.

I do all my homework for the week in advance now, and it's okay because it's a lot less stressful, but it's also boring. I have almost beaten Grandia 2 at this point, and I've really enjoyed it. For being years old, it's a pretty good looking game. The story is okay. But the battle system rocks the house, man. It's like the first RPG I've played that I actually look forward to battles.

Leslie let me borrow some Saul Williams books because I have to do a presentation on a poet. He's pretty cool. I hear Brian saw him perform in New York. Leslie now wants to kill Brian. She'll do it, too. Some of his poetry doesn't do it for me, but some of it is really cool. And the title of his third book is ", said the shotgun to the head" and that's a sweet ass title.

I'm stoked about all this live music coming. I'm sure I'll be going to a few/all of those shows by myself, but whatever. I would appreciate company, so let me remind everyone: Drag the River/Lucero at the Aggie on Sunday at 9, 8 bucks. The Dwarves at the Aggie next Thursday, 10 bucks. Strung Out on the 20th (my brother's birthday, maybe I'll take him) in Denver. And Matson Jones is in December, so I'll keep you posted on that. And with that, I think I'm going to go engage in some illegal activity at Eric and John's. Because that's what I do.

"Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security." -The American Declaration of Independence

Allow me to, now that I've cooled off some, explain in clear, concise language why I have such a problem with the fact that Bush got reelected. I don't like Bush. He has lied to the American people straightfaced, he has tried to cover up his mistakes by fighting against a 9/11 commission that would show the Iraq war as unjustified. But the fact that I don't like Bush is not why I'm upset. I'm upset at the American people, the 51% of our country, who voted the man back in. Because essentially what they said on November 2, 2004, is that "we as a country not only accept the fact that you've done these things, but we endorse them, we encourage them, and we want them to continue for four more years." What's worse than one person doing bad things? A country full of people patting that person on the back.

In the next four years we will lose our freedom in this country. Right now it's gay people and women. Gays in 11 states lost the right to marry, and in many of those states lost the right to even have civil unions. With Bush at the helm for four more years, this trend will continue, and by the end of his term he will have forced his religious beliefs on all of us, and gay marriage will be outlawed. Women will lose the right to govern their own bodies. While it's unlikely that Roe v Wade will be overturned completely, it's extremely likely that abortion will be more and more restricted. What this will cause is a decline in the abortion rate, yes, but also an increase in the suicide/death rate from back alley, coathanger abortions. In a country that I thought was founded on freedom, I see this as an affront to the Constitution. We are becoming the country that we ran from when we split from England.

Science which could cure many up to now incurable diseases will be halted because of some sick religious opposition to it. Science and religion are opposite ends of the spectrum of human existence. Despite what some people have tried to prove, there is no correlation between the two. So we must choose: do we move forward as a country, as a species, and accept science, or do we stay where we are, afraid of change, afraid that some invisible man in the sky will condemn us to some invisible place under the earth where it's very hot for eternity? The time for organized religion has come and gone. There may well be a God. There is no place on this earth for the hatred, xenophobia, homophobia, racism, and ass-backwards thought that comes with religion. It was a noble idea. But so was communism. So were so many other ideas that humans thought up, then proceeded to fuck up. But here in America, the greatest country in the world, the last superpower, we're drifting dangerously close to a theocracy. The church must stay completely away from the state. Or what's next? The Christian majority is taking rights away from women and gays. Who's the next group? Who's to say that we won't all be forced to become Christians or die, if the country keeps driftin the way it's going.

Saying that gays are not allowed to marry says that gays aren't capable of love. It relegates them to the realm of animals. There is no difference between this and having separate water fountains for whites and blacks. We are regressing as a nation, and this truly disturbs me. The fact that we sit back and allow this to happen disturbs me. I'm ashamed to be an American. I love this country and what it stands for, but under the current administation, I'm ashamed. I never thought I'd see the day when our freedom, what this country was founded on, would be stripped from us. And I'm neither gay nor a woman. I just think that all people are people, all humans are humans, and we're all equal. Not socially or economically or politically, but underneath all that, I don't believe that one person on this earth is better than any other person. I just think that everyone should be treated the same. Calling on religion to separate people is wrong. I've been saying it for years. God is weeping because of what is being carried out in his name.

I don't want to imagine what will happen to America in the next four years. I see it as only a slight stretch of the imagination to say that this country might not even survive. As the disparity between rich and poor gets bigger and bigger, as it will under a completely Republican government, people will become more and more restless. It's happened time and time again throughout history. As we lose our rights, we'll get more and more restless. The parallels between this time in our history and the beginning of the fall of Rome are scary. We've given our government license to do whatever they want. We've okayed corporate scandal. We've shown that we are a hateful, scared society of people who look to religion for how to think instead of looking at the world around them, within themselves. The anti-American sentiment around the world will grow stronger and stronger as we fight a war we cannot win. Between attacks on our country and growing civil unrest, this country is headed towards disaster. We only have 50% of our people vote each year, proving that we're lazy pieces of shit. We don't deserve what we have. Maybe that's why the revolution won't come: we're too apathetic to do anything about the injustices about to be carried out against our own people. We won't care until it affects us, and then it will be too late.

Stand up for our rights. Do not let this government strip us of our freedom. It's not time to build a united America. It's time to fight for our country back, now more than ever.

You know, I didn't realize how hard this would hit me. But George Bush is our president again and I've lost faith in humanity. I don't even want to go on living in this world, seriously. I'm not suicidal, but how can I participate in such a fucked up world, where gay marriage is an issue, where we don't give a shit what the rest of the world thinks of us, where we'll reelect a terrible president because he has "convictions?" Bush won the popular vote. That's fucked up. Having done not a single good thing since he's been in office, he got more popular. I don't get it. All day I haven't been able to concentrate, not so much because of the idea that Bush will be in office four more years, but because our citizens are so stupid or gullible or arrogant that we reelected him. I'm upset at us. I can't believe that this so called greatest country in the world is so fucking dumb.

This has convinced me that there is no God, and religion is a crock of shit. And if I'm wrong, then send me straight to hell, because I couldn't stand to be eternally in heaven, a place full of religious zealots who vote for taking rights away from women and gays. I'd shoot the place up, or kill myself, or something. Heaven is not a place I want to be, nor is this country. Thank you, those of you who voted for Kerry. We tried.

I'm not saying all religious people are evil. I don't say that ever. To clarify the ideas in this short post I wrote this article: http://bkservo.tripod.com/election.html Read it if you're as pissed as I am.

I know it's a little late for this, being as it's election eve, but if you're not voting, kill yourself, because you don't count and no one loves you. I don't even care if you vote for Bush (but don't, seriously), just vote. I myself may be hanging out at Leslie's friend's house tomorrow night to be surrounded by other liberals. I might even be driven to drink if it looks like Bush is going to win.

I went to the doctor today for my throat. It's been sore for 4 days now. So she gives me medication for my nose and says it'll go away within 7-14 days of it showing up. So great, now I don't have that runny nose problem I never had, and I've only got, you know, 3-10 days left of this shit. Fantastic. This reminds me why I don't go to doctors. She did take a throat culture, so I guess I can call tomorrow and see what I have. But since I've already been dismissed from the doctor, I don't really see the point other than curiosity. And since that killed the cat, well, we all know... uh... next.

Music: Against Me! Seriously. I'm not even going to say more. Tsunami Bomb's album is rock solid, "The Definitive Act." Strung Out's new CD came today, it sounds solid as well. Elliott Smith's final album is amazing after a few listens. It's rougher than his past couple albums so it takes a couple listens to get used to it. And... what else... Me First and the Gimme Gimmes' new album is actually kind of a disappointment for me. Usually I get an album by them and I can't stop listening to it, but the new one's already under a lot of other stuff in my pile here. So yeah. That's music.

I got a haircut. Leslie says it looks good. I guess it does. I was getting hairy. One day at work my hair was all in my ears and I was like "Fuck this, I'm getting a haircut." So I did. And I didn't do anything for Halloween because I'm a cool dude.

What the hell else is going on? I have been keeping myself ahead of the game in homework recently so I've actually had free time, and I've got to say, it's a little overrated. Don't get me wrong, it's better than homework. But I can only spend so much time staring at a screen before I get headaches and bored. Maybe it has to do with the constant pain from my throat, though, that's been making me irritable. Oh, movies.

Movies: Team America was funny. Not hilariously funny, I never lost control of my bowels, but puppets are funny sometimes. I thought I'd get sick of them but they were funny. The puppet sex was good stuff, especially since neither doll had genitals. And then Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow was pretty awesome. The first 15 minutes or so with just Gwyneth Paltrow were pretty boring and I was like "Oh no, this is going to suck," but then the action starts and damn if it wasn't cool. Not at all believable, but I don't ask for believability from a movie like that. I recommend seeing that one. Up next on the Adam Wants to See list are Saw and Ray, because they're only three letters long. Alright, I thought I had something interesting to say but I don't. And I have to go to the bathroom. So if you'll excuse me...